Cossette4 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Grr. Today I'm just basically mad about everything. I'm mad that other people I know can go through breakups and you still seem them hanging out and being friendly and civilized and respectful of eachother and I am the only person I know (in real life...obviously not on this forum) that has to go through this reaaallly bad breakup where we will basically never see each other or speak to each other again even though we were a part of each other's lives for over 5 years. I am mad at myself and him for making me out to be the "bad guy" in the end. He said things to me like "you treated me horribly....I thought you didn't care" because I was constantly yelling at him during the last year of our relationship. I know in my heart I yelled because I DID CARE (the fights were about me thinking he should go back to school and establish some goals for his life, and to be honest with me instead of making up lies and empty promises.) And yet when the breakup happened, here's me on the phone crying my eyes out apologizing for yelling all the time and taking on 100% of the blame! God why did I do that?! I gave him a free pass to feel like this whole thing was all my fault and he has no blame in any of his actions, when really his lying and lack of motivation were the source of all of our problems and he should be apologizing to me! Oh, and not to mention the unbelievably cruel and cowardly way he broke up with me and then proceeded to move in with a skank two weeks later to avoid his dealing with this situation, claiming he found someone who could finally make him happy. Yet it was ME apologizing and HIM just sitting back acting like the victim who did nothing wrong AAAAGGGHHH. It should have ended where I threw my hands up in the air and said, "GOOD now someone else can put up with your lies and the fact you are a huge loser going nowhere with your life, and if you are so low as to have planned to leave me to go be with such a low, trashy person, then I am disgusted with you and have lost all respect for you!" But no, I didn't get to do that and he'll never get to hear my opinion of him. So to this day, his ego gets a boost and his fantasy fairy tale reality he lives in continues to be reinforced with the belief that he did nothing wrong and all the hurt I'm experiencing is deserved. I am so mad that he isn't dealing with his blame in this situation or being ashamed of his immature and hurtful actions he dished out on a person he loved for 5 years. He happily walks around like the victim who has finally dumped the demon and found happiness with someone else. Funny how the "demon" was the only person in his life who cared about his future and the importance of honesty and integrity, while the "someone else" is an unemployed highschool dropout skank who apparently doesn't have any sort of character, respect, or expectations for her life or his. Will this EVER turn around????? Will he EVER have to deal with his fair share of the blame or can people go around pointing fingers at other people and never take responsibility for their actions for the rest of their lives? Do these people know deep down that they have faults they need to come to terms with, or do they believe their own lies and demonize anyone who tries to help them? I don't deserve to feel this way when I always stood by his side and tried to help him, even if it was through "tough love." It makes me mad that he will only remember me as some yelling b:bunny: tch instead of his #1 support system and a person he was in love with. Ok this post is going nowhere...vent over.
Recommended Posts