Pyro Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Assumptions lead to misunderstandings of each of your level of commitment down the road. Commitment as in exclusivity, not necessarily future planning as a couple. Not everyone feels this way but I can't imagine getting too into someone who's boinking another woman or in your case guy, while doing the same for/to me. Exactly, well put yet again. Maybe I am in the minority but once the first kiss is made, then I am exclusive with her. I will not attempt to date any other women until things turn sour between me and her. BTW, it is not limited to just the woman to have the "exclusive" talk. If the guy feels that he wants to be exclusive, then he should say something.
alphamale Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 True and then I will know where I stand and can do whatever from there. why don't you keep the mystery going for another month or two?
Pyro Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 why don't you keep the mystery going for another month or two? TYA..... If you are a truly genuine good person, then you don't need to purposely play games to keep her interested. Generally speaking, if you must resort to playing games, then you must be out of options/good ideas.
Author TYASAFAHICSI Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 That is what I was sort of saying Riddler. I do not date more than one woman so I am exclusive till it goes kaput. I think somewhere I even asked if the question needed to be asked at all. I think that it probably (in my case) does not, but to be sure, I think there might be a way to dance around it...hence, if the conversation allows--interject that I do not do multiple women (in my dreams). I imagine there woudl be some sort of response to a statement like that--either an agreement or a disagreement.
nicki Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 In my experience, most of the time the guys bring "exclusivity" up early on, maybe after a month....and it's always a casual thing, as in "I really like you and I'm not dating anyone else. I want to focus on you and I getting to know each other. How do you feel/What do you think about that?" If they haven't brought it up after a month or so, I will. No big deal. I don't sleep with a guy until I know we are focusing only on each other, at least in the short term, possibly longer term if things keep going well. I don't compete with other women, nor do I expect a man who is investing increasing time with me to compete with other men. Anyway, I'm always flattered if a guy brings it up between the time of several dates and wanting to sleep together. It shows he cares enough about me to want me to himself, and to show that he is not out there pursuing other women.
Pyro Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 That is what I was sort of saying Riddler. I do not date more than one woman so I am exclusive till it goes kaput. I think somewhere I even asked if the question needed to be asked at all. I think that it probably (in my case) does not, but to be sure, I think there might be a way to dance around it...hence, if the conversation allows--interject that I do not do multiple women (in my dreams). I imagine there woudl be some sort of response to a statement like that--either an agreement or a disagreement. Nicki just posted an excellent response. I would go with her advice. For me, it was never awkward or weird when it was brought up. It sort of just happened. Sorry that I couldn't be more of a help.
nicki Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Thanks, Riddler... Yeah, the talk "just happens" as a natural progression of spending time together.
Pyro Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Thanks, Riddler... Yeah, the talk "just happens" as a natural progression of spending time together. Lucky us. I bet that when it has been brought up for some, it was pretty awkward. If you are feeling it go for it. Don't wait for the other party to bring it up.
RecordProducer Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I wouldn't listen to any rules that "experts" impose. What makes them experts? Experience? People who are not sure about whom they want to date, want to keep their options open, cuz someone better (sexier, smarter, richer) might show up, people who date others at the same time and hide their activities from each other, people who sleep with several partners in the same period... that they have more successful relationships? That they stay longer in love and devoted to each other? I doubt it. Exclusive doesn't mean you decided to marry that person. It just means you have enough respect for yourself to not date someone you're not sure you want to date at all... you have enough respect for others not to lie to them ... you have enough character inside to not be hesitant and lead someone on for months... If the non-exclusive period serves to get to know the person so you can decide whether you want to date them, then how come fidelity is not a part of the system of criteria? Don't you want to see if someone you might fall in love with is likely to cheat? So what exactly are we "checking" in the non-exclusive phase? I think it's just made up so people can f*ck with no obligations. For 3 months the woman will put up with being used for sex under the excuse that the relationship is not exclusive YET. I don't compete with other women, nor do I expect a man who is investing increasing time with me to compete with other men.Good attitude. Anyway, I'm always flattered if a guy brings it up between the time of several dates and wanting to sleep together. It shows he cares enough about me to want me to himself, and to show that he is not out there pursuing other women.If you withhold sex until the relationship becomes exclusive, it's very likely that the guy will bring up the talk early on - in order to get sex.
dropdeadlegs Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 TYA......., the only time I can remember having the exclusivity talk was with my one FWB r'ship. Even with so few strings, monogamy was important to me since regular sexual activity was involved. I realize that not everyone dates in a singular sense, that there are multiple daters abounding. I see nothing wrong with that, but it's not for me. If I date you more than twice, you are the only man I am dating. Almost everyone gets a second shot, but if I don't feel a connection at that point, I tend to move on. I suppose that in relationships where I desired exclusivity that I felt I knew the man well enough to know that he desired it too. I often date people I have some background info on. It's no secret that I have had some pretty promiscuous periods in my life, but those were hookups, not what I consider dating scenarios. I tend to have discussions about what I'm looking for or expecting very early on. Dance around the subject or come right out and ask her. Whatever works for you is the way to go. Since she is older and with children, I bet she doesn't have time to bed-hop anyway. She would probably prefer exclusivity and is afraid to broach the subject to early for fear of scaring you off.
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Just tell her that you like her and want to get to know her more, go from there. I'm sure she feels the same way about you.
Recommended Posts