Intertwined Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 So, this girl that I am in love with had a talk with me, basically telling me to cool down on her sexually because it was confusing her, and making her feel as if I was using her for sexual gratification. (I am definately not) The thing is, I am now battling keeping my emotions in check without her thinking that I dont desire her anymore. Because I do, I really do. What is the best way to pull back and transition for the time being into what she needs right now without her getting the wrong impression?
tanbark813 Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Switch it up. If you try to convince her you're not using her for sexual gratification you'll be fighting an uphill battle. Instead, tell her you're hurt that she doubts your feelings for her are genuine and then disappear for a few days. Let her sweat a little.
JackJack Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 So, this girl that I am in love with had a talk with me, basically telling me to cool down on her sexually because it was confusing her, and making her feel as if I was using her for sexual gratification. (I am definately not) The thing is, I am now battling keeping my emotions in check without her thinking that I dont desire her anymore. Because I do, I really do. What is the best way to pull back and transition for the time being into what she needs right now without her getting the wrong impression? I think she already got the wron impression when you kept making sexual advances towards her when she didn't care for them. I'm assuming this is the same women who you wanted to be with before but she was involved with another and her situation was not good? The best thing to do is stop all together. Leave her alone period. If you really care/love her like you say, you will respect her wishes. When a woman says, "stop", "no' or, "cool down", that's exactly what it means.
Author Intertwined Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 I think she already got the wron impression when you kept making sexual advances towards her when she didn't care for them. Yeah, I got that much already. I think the confusing part for the both of us is when she responded to my advances, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I kind of made it impossible not to, so really what did I expect if she wasnt ready, you know? The best thing to do is stop all together. Leave her alone period. If you really care/love her like you say, you will respect her wishes. The problem is, is that she doesnt want me to leave her alone period. We are still friends, and close ones at that. I am trying to find a way to transition without her thinking I could care less, because I can tell she is a little confused with our current interactions. Instead, tell her you're hurt that she doubts your feelings for her are genuine and then disappear for a few days. Let her sweat a little. She got that much, and its the total truth. I was hurt (along with shocked) that she thought like that, especially when she has no idea the extent of my desire and love for her goes. I did sort of disappear, I guess, in that I havent been as easy to access, but it still leaves the situation akward because I dont want her to think I dont want her.
JackJack Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Just back off some. Don't call or see her as much. When she asks why you are doing that, remind her, you have feelings for her, its hard to just be her friend, and you thought it was for the best at this point. I understand she was meaning for you to back off on the sexual advances, but if you have feelings for her and your emotions are in the way, you need to back off, and hopefully she will understand this.
Art_Critic Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Just start working on the relationship and don't bring up sex in a conversation at all. Let her bring it up.. Take her out.. hang with her.. date her.. go to dinner.. to the movies.. talk with her about anything but sex... A relationship can't survive on sex alone.. other wise it is just a fu**k buddy deal.. and who wants that ?..fu**k buddy's are not any fun after a week or 2
Art_Critic Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 By the way.. I have found that in friendships that the other person is basically distancing themselves from you then you are fighting an uphill battle.. You might as well be shoveling sand against the tide.. You might consider blowing her off at this point and letting some time go by and see if she will pick it all up later.. starting new
whichwayisup Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Just start working on the relationship and don't bring up sex in a conversation at all. Let her bring it up.. Take her out.. hang with her.. date her.. go to dinner.. to the movies.. talk with her about anything but sex... A relationship can't survive on sex alone.. other wise it is just a fu**k buddy deal.. and who wants that ?..fu**k buddy's are not any fun after a week or 2 The thing is, he's not dating her, she isn't even his girlfriend. She's involved with someone else, but unfortunately the boyfriend is abusive. How could he date her? (see his other threads...) Intertwined, I know I told ya if you pushed it she would back away from you. Infact, you even said that on one of your other threads, that when you came on too strong, she would back away from you. I guess I really don't understand your whole focus on the sex thing. If you can't handle "just" being a friend to her, then maybe it's best you tell her YOU can't handle that and she can call you when she breaks up with her boyfriend. Until then, hands off of her and thoughts to yourself. Don't tell her how you feel, sexually or emotionally, it is putting her off.
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