Ezydriver Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 What is the minimum time you lot think should pass before moving in together? Personally, I think at least six months. But, in some cases, is three months too early? Me and my girlfriend are around thirty years old and we met online. Our first date was incredible and lasted the whole weekend. Every weekend since has been more incredible than the last and feelings are now running blissfully high. We text everyday, not too much. We speak on the phone most days, just once usually. We chat for about half hour on yahoo messenger too every day. So, not too much contact, which, is sensible. However, every weekend is a full weekend and extremely enjoyable. Boundries have been set and neither of us are a doormat to each other. We both mean so much to each other and the similarities in everything is startling. We both agree that never before have we met anybody who even comes close to meaning as much as we do to each other. Everytime she lays her head on my chest it is so meaningful and we have cried together over past pains and injustices. It really is the first time in both our lives something so powerful has happened. As I say, restraint is being exercised and it is not a total runaway. We have both learnt from previous relationships how to be, and how not to be. There are no clingy insecurities or too much availability to each other. It seems to feel so right. So, with me getting my own place soon, she is keen to move the 150 miles to live with me. I am slightly concerned that she will have no family or friends here. But, I'm sure we can work on that, we communicate extremely well and both have pragmatic attitudes to problem solving. Any input would be most appreciated, thank you for reading.
Lauriebell82 Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 well how long have u actually been together? that being asked, i assume u havnt been together that long or u probably wouldnt be asking for advice about the situation. my concern would be he moving to a different town to move in with u. i mean moving in together is a huge deal, but actually moving to live with somoene is an even bigger step. is she gonna get a job near where u live if she moves? how are u going to handle ur finances?? these are all questions u need to ask urself. if she's not going to have any friends or family around, she may depend upon u more, thus putting a strain on ur relationship. also, what if ur relationship starts to fall apart, what will she do then? she'll be in a town where she doesnt know anybody. also, ur probably still in the honeymoon phase if everything in ur relationship seems perfect. the more time u spend together, the more u'll see different sides of ur SO, especifically a less desirable side. i think moving in together too early can be hard, because ur still getting to know one another. 150 miles apart isnt really that far, i do that with my current bf (i'm away at college, he lives in the same town my parents do). this is something u really need to think about, because u could possibly lose a very good thing. sounds like u guys really care about each other, and moving in too soon could destroy what could have been a wonderful relationship.
norajane Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 It's too soon to move in together. Moving in is a serious step in a relationship, and three months of online/weekend relationship isn't enough time for you two to be that serious. Moving in takes your relationship very deep - like a married couple - and at the same time, tends to dampen the romance pretty quickly. You have the best chance of ending up together if you both get your own place and date for at least a year before moving in. Otherwise, you're asking for trouble, especially since she has no reason to move to your area except for you.
sunshinegirl Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 I agree w/ norajane. Way too early. You've both got stars in your eyes. Which isn't a bad thing in itself, but it's a bad reason to move in so fast. Wait til you've gotten through the honeymoon phase and can each name 3 annoying traits of the other person. Then decide if, given those annoying traits, you still want to live with each other.
CanyonWall Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 quote:What is the minimum time you lot think should pass before moving in together? Personally, I think at least six months. But, in some cases, is three months too early? my reply You aren't going to like what I am about to suggest, but here goes: she should move to your location, but not live with you. That way, you two can see each other as often as you like, she has some sense of independance and you two aren't forced to be with each other all the time. Then you can see each other a lot. If you see someone for at least 3-4 weeks *every day*, staying at least 6 nights a week together, then you are going to be able to 'tolerate' living together.
rainfall Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 My boyfriend and I moved in together after around 2-3 months. We have been together for 6 years now. However before we moved in together we spend almost every single night together and had also had a few fights. So sometimes it can work out, but in the OP case I think it would be too soon since they haven't spent enough time together to see each other at their worst.
Rooster_DAR Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 My boyfriend and I moved in together after around 2-3 months. We have been together for 6 years now. However before we moved in together we spend almost every single night together and had also had a few fights. So sometimes it can work out, but in the OP case I think it would be too soon since they haven't spent enough time together to see each other at their worst. This is a very rare case, Norajane is right on the money with her insight I believe.
dropdeadlegs Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 I agree that a move closer to one another is a better choice than living together. Personally, I think anything less than one year of dating is not enough time to consider living together. If you plan to get married, add another year (minimum) of living together before tying the knot. We are all guilty of showing our best sides and biting our tongues early in a relationship. I think two years, consisting of ample time spent together, allows for the masks to come off in full. Yes, there will be three annoying things you can name by then, but you will better know if they are simply annoying, or intolerable.
Author Ezydriver Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Her parents moved in after two months and have been married for thirty seven years and are still in love, and lust. So in some cases it does work. Thank you all for your input, much appreciated.
kribby Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Her parents moved in after two months and have been married for thirty seven years and are still in love, and lust. So in some cases it does work. Thank you all for your input, much appreciated. See,there is always a story that disproves common sense. Common sense is what others have said-- 1. 6 months 2. 1 year 3. move closer.. don't live together... Personally, I wouldn't want to live with a boyfriend-- I'd live with a husband or a roommate-- not a boyfriend (you know the whole cow and milk argument). -K
Lauriebell82 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Her parents moved in after two months and have been married for thirty seven years and are still in love, and lust. So in some cases it does work. Thank you all for your input, much appreciated. yeah but thats quite a gamble. please dont go by other people's situations. yeah there are cases where people move extremely quickly and work out. every couple is different. some people move in right away and end up having a long and happy marriage. some people wait 2 years (i have done this with my ex) to move in together and things dont work out, and they never end up married. there are even other factors besides u only being together a short while. she wont know anyone, she will be depending on u for socialization. what if u do realize that living together isnt right. what is she going to do then? i do thing maybe u guys should move closer together, then keep getting to know each other. THEN find a time that is right to live together. it just sounds like ur doing this to be closer together.
norajane Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Her parents moved in after two months and have been married for thirty seven years and are still in love, and lust. So in some cases it does work. Thank you all for your input, much appreciated. The world was a very different place 37 years ago in the late 60's and early 70's. Women were much more dependent on men for family and finances; they had far fewer options and a very different perspective on their roles and expectations of life. Men's roles and their upbringing -their core values and beliefs and expectations - were also very different. Her parents grew up in the 50's and 60's. You and your lady did not. Don't expect the same results.
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