boyfriend had a dream about his ex...now hes thinking about breaking up with me

[missmebaby]

yesterday my boyfriend totally surprised me by saying he doesnt think he wants to be with me anymore. We were together for 3 1/2 months and he was absolutely crazy about me and I could tell that he loved me so much by his words and actions. Well about a week ago he started acting a little different but not too much so I didnt really worry about it. Then yesterday he springs the break up on me. When I asked him why he said it was because he had a very vivid dream that his ex girlfriend got pregnant by the boyfriend she is dating now. He said it made him very upset and when he woke up he was in bed next to me and he thought he was in bed with her. He said he felt so horrible and guilty that he didnt even want to be in the same bed as me because he felt like he cheated on me, and he couldnt even look at me the next morning. He said it made him think about his ex and kind of miss her.

 

They were together for 2 years and he said things were perfect and they were planning on moving in together and getting married but he ruined things by going on a break with her and sleeping with another of his ex girlfriends. Then he realized that he really wanted to be with his girlfriend instead of his ex, but by then it was too late because she felt like he cheated on her. So they've been broken up now for a year and a half and she has been dating a guy who used to be his best friend. He said he got really really depressed and it really messed him up and he totally blamed himself. Last fall he started sleeping with her again and she was cheating on her boyfriend. Then something happened and they stopped talking and he met me a couple months later.

 

Everything was great with us until a week ago when he had that dream about her and now he says thats the reason hes not sure if he can be with me. He asked me to come over tonight and we had a talk and he says hes pretty sure he wants to be with me now becuase he really does love me. He says the dream just really freaked him out and made him feel really guilty. But now that he told me about it he said he feels better and its not bothering him anymore and he wants to try to make things work between us. He said that hes over her but he still sometimes kicks himself and blames himself for ruining their relationship. Now things just feel awkward and I dont know how to act around him and im always wondering if hes thinking about his ex.

 

What could this dream mean and why is it affecting him that way? If the same thing happened to you would you break up with your significant other because of it? Is he definitely not over his ex girlfriend yet? I would just like some insight and thoughts about this because i really dont even know what to think about it.

[mistizzle21]

It's hard to say. First of all, we've all experienced a very intense surge of superficial emotion from a dream. Wether it was about an ex, a co-worker or someone we've never met before.It may not be a sign persay that he isn't over her, what could of happened was that surge of emotion hit him and right now it's still lingering with him because it seems like it's rehashed a painful past.It could be ONLY that. Really time is going to tell this one.

[taylor]

"He still kicks himself and blames himself for ruining their relationship."

 

That's all you need to know to KNOW he is not over his former girlfriend.

 

When he is "over" her, he will be "indifferent." That means anything she does (date someone, get pregnant, move away...) will not bother him. He will care less.

 

If having a dream about her bothered him, he is not over her. She is still having an effect on him. And if he is still kicking himself and feeling guilty, he is still very emotional about her and he is still grieving the loss of the relationship with her.

 

Move slowly and cautiously with him and guard your heart. He still isn't healed.

[WhiteKnight]

Trouble is though the way I look at it. In some ways when I was not over my ex partner, I'm still not at the moment but I am still am in a new relationship that is working out slowly.

 

Here, let me share my own experience with you all.

 

Around in late 2006, getting close to Christmas.

 

Sometimes, my current partner tells me that she had some nightmares of my ex-gf and I had fallen in love and cheated behind her back. My partner explained that she felt it was in the near future, maybe not now but perhaps when she and I got married. It got to the point that it truly made my heart sank when I heard this.

 

It was a very difficult time for me to make any moves on how to improve things and how to approach it. Slowly I explained that I need her more than ever if I was even to full regain my strength from the terrible breakup I had with with my ex-gf (actually my ex-fiancee... to make it worse).

 

It came to me that, I needed my current partner to truly be at my side. I asked, begged and even insisted that I need her love and strength to pull me through the dark times I had in the past. If I was to ever overcome the past fully, I need the support for that matter.

 

Around about the end of December 2006, I cut my ex-gf off from all ties for two long months. My ex-gf kinda suspected and knew something was wrong... she got nosy, in the end wanted to get into my personal life and find out what happened to me.

 

Around after the month of February 2007. I had suspected that my ex-gf and I missed each other a lot, it was quite painful. I knew a part of me she had feelings for me, and to be honest. It was something she felt obligated to do something.

 

After guessing that she had learnt the news of me being with someone else, she tried to communicate but found it hard, I could tell. So did I, when she still wants to talk behind her husbands back but... I think it was something natural in occurence to me that she truly didn't want to lose me forever... as in, either a close lover or friend.

 

It was very hard for her to accept the situation that my current partner forced me to cut her off when I explained it all down to her. It wasn't my decision to, but there was a time that I wanted to do it and yet I believed there was always the possibilty if my ex-gf would try to heal the wounds between her and I... no doubt I would allow her to try to do so but would it work? Remains in question...

 

As for going back to the dreams situation, sometimes dreams are harmless. Take it from a person who is going through the same situation as your boyfriend would be in a similiar way.

 

Getting over your ex, is very hard to accept to move on with your life. Even though a part of the guy's loving heart is a part of his ex but that is something of the past that the boyfriend will learn to accept that he got himself into a situation where he had wished he had not betrayed or ruined his reputation between his ex partner and his friends.

 

He will get over her through the "passage of years..." Time will only tell the fate of your boyfriend. Be strong and encourage your boyfriend through one small step at a time that you willing to make the relationship between you and him work out, also hence, try to encourage him to stay strong and pull through his past by slowly getting over her and focus mainly on you.

 

The current boyfriend and girlfriend should try to put themselves before any of their ex's. Infact, if your partner wants to be friends with your ex, that's fine except always be on your guard for the worst case situations. You will always find this difficult, challenging at best... but both sides must stay firm together in one vision if they want the relationship to succeed.

 

Best advice for now, is to try and help your partner. Be supportive of him and with dreams being 'super natural'... sometimes dreams never come true. I hope you are able to pull through this.

 

I know I am facing a hard time at the moment but I'm doing rather well for someone who is recovering slowly.