VirtualInsanity Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 For over a year and half I've been talking with people through MSN and other chatrooms. I ended up meeting someone a year ago and we hit it off really well. Come to find out after we've been flirting like crazy and talking about everything he's with someone else. Their not married and he hasn't mentioned them marrying because he's unsure. Back to my story... After talking to him for a long time I ended up falling for him. We clicked like crazy and he's absolutely perfect in every way. I've never met anyone like this before. So I changed my name on there but still found myself talking to him. He didn't know it was me but I can't help but think he's falling for me too. Actually I know he has because he lights up everytime I sign on and so do I. I'm such a horrible person for feeling like this but I didn't no about her until recently and to be honest if I had his SO's e-mail I would tell her myself. She needs to know what he's doing. Never in a million years would I have thought this would happen to me. I mean why would he do this to me? Even after he told me about his SO he still wanted to talk with me. I'm not sure what you call this but I can't stop talking to him. I know I shouldn't and we haven't done anything and I refuse to meet him. He keeps asking to see me and of course I tell him no even though I would like to. The reason I refuse to see him is I don't want anything to happen because he's with someone or so he says. I'm not sure because he doesn't talk about her that much. If he does he makes small mention and moves on like it's nothing. For some reason I feel like I'm the potential OW or fling. But like I mentioned before it wasn't suppost to be like this. So any thoughts on this?
puddleofmud Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Well, you really don't know him at all? Not even a real date? or two or twenty? Being just an on-line thing? Best to remember that HE is not at all a good catch being he is manipulative about his attachment and seems quite experienced as to HOW and WHERE (via the internet) to get attention as opposed to resolving his issues with the person he is with. That's really sad, don't you think? Who knows what he's about--he could be anyone just as you have changed your "spots" to play the same game? NO good comes from deception.... Do you really feel you can "fall" for someone you've never even had face to face? A man could probably not uphold any realistic romance with a woman if he needs to merely placate himself by typing to strangers his "needs", especially while attached... In my opinion internet correspondence is purposeful but only if only a meeting takes place as soon as possible--that way both may decide if they wish to continue in reality.
Author VirtualInsanity Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 Do you really feel you can "fall" for someone you've never even had face to face? Yes I think it is possible. I've know people in the past that have talked to people on-line for quite sometime before they met in person. And they did hit it off. But No I've never met him in person. He's been trying to but like I said I don't want to. I was considering it until he mentioned his SO. Now that WILL NOT be happening.
woe_is_me Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 what you don't know can't hurt you ..so try not to meet him
JamesM Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Here is what caught my attention.... After talking to him for a long time I ended up falling for him. We clicked like crazy and he's absolutely perfect in every way. I've never met anyone like this before. So I changed my name on there but still found myself talking to him. He didn't know it was me but I can't help but think he's falling for me too. So, he flirted with you under two different names? SO in his mind he is flirting with TWO different people? So he is cheating on the real life woman and he is cheating on you? Maybe I have this wrong, but it looks like he is looking to cheat and have his thrill. I am guessing that if he doesn't know that you are two people, he is a serial cheater. Any feelings YOU have for him should be gone. As for telling her, I vote no. Let him live his life and screw it up. I am not sure she will believe you. I know there is a different side to this one, but this is my vote.
Author VirtualInsanity Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 So, he flirted with you under two different names? SO in his mind he is flirting with TWO different people? So he is cheating on the real life woman and he is cheating on you? Maybe I have this wrong, but it looks like he is looking to cheat and have his thrill. I am guessing that if he doesn't know that you are two people, he is a serial cheater. Any feelings YOU have for him should be gone. As for telling her, I vote no. Let him live his life and screw it up. I am not sure she will believe you. I know there is a different side to this one, but this is my vote. Yes he's looking to cheat. Took me a bit to realize that fully. Ever since I moved back to my hometown he's been trying to see me. He doesn't know where I live so that's nothing for me to worry about. But he does know what I look like but it wasn't a good picture thankfully. I'm moving again to another state for grad. school so I know FOR SURE nothing will happen. I deleted my other account so I'm not using that no more. And your right she probably wouldn't believe me so I'm going to drop it. Thanks.
mental_traveller Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 I've had a fair amount of experience with meeting people online and then real life. IMO how well you get on over the net does not have much to do with how you click in person. I've met people I hit it off with really well online, and then you meet and there's no chemistry at all. So, I don't think you can say you fell for this guy at all. You have not met him, so basically you don't know him. All you know is his online persona, which is maybe 30% of his total personality. I know it's very easy to dive into an online relationship, you can get a feeling of deep connection with another person, that is hard to find in the real world sometimes. People open up more, and much quicker, over MSN etc than in the real world. However, my experience is that this is unreliable and not really an authentic insight into who they are as a person. Now if you add into the equation that he has a girlfriend, and is therefore off-limits and you don't want to meet him, really what is the point in continuing to talk to him online? What would you do if you meet a guy in real-life - are you going to keep talking to your "online crush"? I would hope not. So unless you plan on staying single all your life, isn't it better to cut the chord now and get it over with. There's a whole world out there, life is too short to indulge in virtual relationships.
Author VirtualInsanity Posted April 10, 2007 Author Posted April 10, 2007 I've had a fair amount of experience with meeting people online and then real life. IMO how well you get on over the net does not have much to do with how you click in person. I've met people I hit it off with really well online, and then you meet and there's no chemistry at all. Werid and yet makes sense. Now if you add into the equation that he has a girlfriend, and is therefore off-limits and you don't want to meet him, really what is the point in continuing to talk to him online? What would you do if you meet a guy in real-life - are you going to keep talking to your "online crush"? I would hope not. So unless you plan on staying single all your life, isn't it better to cut the chord now and get it over with. No, I have a new screename. There's a whole world out there, life is too short to indulge in virtual relationships. I know. For me online is the closest to a real life. I move a lot.
Tomcat33 Posted April 10, 2007 Posted April 10, 2007 Virtual insanity (please listen to your name it speaks volumes of your situation) It is quite possible to fall very hard for someone online. If you have never met this person at all (in the flesh) I can assure you that you are 100% living a fantasy. There is a very slim chance that real life might meet the fantasy but in time as you get to know each other in real time you will see that you are not at all what you had fantasides each other to be, and this goes both ways. Online we are exempt from imperfections from what a real human does from the things we say on a whym there are infinite things that real time pales in comparisson to online because online we have time to think edit and put on paper (or screen) what best comes to mind. So please do yourself a favour and regardless on whethere this person available or not make sure you find out if he even exists. You might be talking to another woman, a 14 year old boy and his friends a married man who loves online flings. etc. There was a great article in the NY times a few months back that talked about the big trend in teenage boys to seduce women online it's agame for them and their friends and they go as far as passing for 50 yr old men. even if this man is who he says he is I gurantee you he won't be as you fantasised about him in your mind, the longer you prolong meeting him the harder the fall.
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