Living_For_Me Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 I don't usually do this, but it's a new situation and i don't really know how to cope. My g/f of 3.5 years has left me. I guess i should've seen the inevitable coming. For the last 2 months of the relationship she had been distancing herself from me. All the signs were there. She wasn't as affectionate, never wanted to have sex and basically always just seemed like her mind was elsewhere. I guess the hardest part of all of this is knowing that she has left me for another guy. She claims she hasn't but this whole situation has been going on for 3 months and this guy has broken up with his g/f of a number of years around 2 weeks ago. Coincidence? I think not. I don't understand her reasoning for what she is doing. She claims she's "curious" about other relationships because i'm her first proper b/f. I'm the first to admit i've been curious about other relationships but i'm not about to throw away 3.5 years of relationship just because i'm "curious". I knew we had a good thing going. We were very close with each other's families, we had traveled together, started talking about plans to move out together. I don't understand it. It seems like we were perfect for each other. We were compatible on every level and i mean every level. I mean i'm only 21 but i could definately see myself marrying this girl one day. What makes someone throw away all of this away for "curiosity"? I just feel like i've been left with nothing. She's gotten a new job with a great marketing firm, she's got (or she will have a new b/f) and i'm left with nothing. I was contracting for a huge FMCG but now my contract has ended, i've only got university one day a week and i have no other job. Which means i have ALOT of free time. Definately something i don't need. It's extremely hard to deal with all of this. Especially when the girl you started planning you future with no longer sees a future with you, well not right now anyway. That what she keeps telling me.
bridget_jones Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be very painful, especially with the element of another guy. If you have close friends and family you can talk to, talk to them. Also, get out of the house, try a yoga class, something different, treat yourself. I highly suggest no contact with your ex girlfriend for at least a couple months. It's really difficult to heal emotionally from a difficult breakup if you still have contact. Also you have this board to refer to, lots of supportive people to help you. You will be OK. You will get through this. You will find love again and it will be even better. Try to look at the time you spent with her as a wonderful chapter in your life but it is over. thinking this way helped me come to terms with my last serious relationship which lasted 2 years. It helped me rid myself of angry, devastated feelings we all feel when going through a breakup.
shockandawed Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Sorry to hear about your breakup. I know well the pain when you lose the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. Especially when they seem to effortlessly move right into another relationship. It does get better...but be ready to give yourself plenty of time. Bridget is right, don't have any contact whatsoever with her right now. The only way you will heal is to stay away from her and concentrate on yourself. Post as often as you need, we know what you are going through.
Author Living_For_Me Posted March 20, 2007 Author Posted March 20, 2007 Thanks for the support guys. It means alot. I guess the reason i wasn't coping is because i didn't have closure for this whole thing and she kept telling me she was coming back to me which means i was left on a string. It was driving me insane and is the absolute worst feeling in the world. As hard as it was to hear she "didn't want this right now" i have closure and i feel 1000% better.
polywog Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Hi LFM, Just want to add my voice of sympathy and tell you that I know how devastated you feel right now. Just be very kind to yourself, and do like the others say... no contact, so you can heal. Keep posting...(((hugs)))
Author Living_For_Me Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Hi All I've just discovered a most magical way to help the healing process. Change! I've recently started to change almost all aspects of my life. I've applied for new jobs and had quite a few interviews. I rearranged my room so that it is different to the way it was before all of this happened. I guess the changes (even the minor changes) represent (to me anyway) a new beginning, starting fresh. It's a fantastic feeling i would advise anyone going through what i'm going through to do the same and change as much as you can.
justagirlforever Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I can completely relate to change guess that's the reason so many women cut their hair! (though this is something I definitely didn't do!) But sorry to hear about your breakup. It must be so painful still and will be for quite some time to come I'm sure. But I too have gone through many changes these past few months since my 4 year relationship came to an end in November - though I actually only moved out in January. So a mere 2 months ago. And I too felt like my whole world crashed to an end with nothing left and completely lost. My first 2 threads here on LS covers that in very great depth. Though my ex didn't leave me for someone else. I'm not sure I'd have been able to cope as well as I did, if that were the case. But I: - Moved house - we lived together, but I chose to be the one to move out. - Went on an adventure holiday over Christmas and New Year - halfway around the world and just about as far away as possible. And spent Christmas in a remote jungle (haha) - Bought a car - Getting a new kitten - Starting a Psychology BSc (honours) degree course - Starting training to become a voluntary Special Police Constable and work as a volunteer (passed all the rigorous tests and starting training this Sunday actually!) - And doing my CV to look for a new job I reckon a nice clean slate is a good place to start again. Just to refresh things and do the things you've always put on the backburner while in that long term relationship. Instead of wallowing in self pity. It is a fantastic feeling indeed. Well done for making some positive changes
Author Living_For_Me Posted April 8, 2007 Author Posted April 8, 2007 Hi All Well it's been a while now since my ex and i split. There are still times when i sit and think about her, then there are times i think about how free i am and all the wonderful things i have to look forward to. I try to concentrate on the latter. Do the thoughts about the ex ever fade completely? I'm kind of tired of missing her at random times during the week.
spinback Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 Bear in mind that it's less than three weeks since you posted this thread. That's not a lot of time, and considering you were in a relationship with this girl for three and a half years, I imagine the pain won't fade entirely for quite a while longer. I was with my ex for over two years. Three and a half months later, I'm still feeling a considerable amount of pain (that's taking into account that I recently discovered she has got someone else, which obviously doesn't help). I think your idea of change is a very good one and I'm going to do my best to change as many elements of my life as I can -- seems like rearranging my room is also a good place to start. My experience loosely follows yours - over the period of about 2 months, she became a lot colder with me... little or no affection, less contact, and seemed far more interested & involved with other aspects of her life. I ended it after her mates told me she'd cheated on me (with whom I believe is now her boyfriend). Maybe this all stemmed from curiosity too -- I was also her first relationship. The short and sweet is that I'm not really sure what I feel about my ex any more. There are times when I think about her and say to myself, 'what the hell was I thinking?'... and then others when I really miss her. Sadly it's been more of the latter recently after finding out about her new guy. Either way, don't expect to be magically able to click your fingers and forget about her. I would be amazed if you could get over a three year relationship in the same number of weeks. Most importantly, don't contact her. It only upped the pain for me when I did. I'm longing for the day when I don't think about her once, but I think that may be a way away yet. It'll happen though. Good luck. It does get better (so I'm told).
mental_traveller Posted April 8, 2007 Posted April 8, 2007 Hi All Well it's been a while now since my ex and i split. There are still times when i sit and think about her, then there are times i think about how free i am and all the wonderful things i have to look forward to. I try to concentrate on the latter. Do the thoughts about the ex ever fade completely? I'm kind of tired of missing her at random times during the week. Yes the thoughts do fade. Don't worry too much about trying to explain things. People don't always leave for "reasons". They leave based on emotions and vague feelings, especially women. Did you two ever fight at all? If not, then the chances are she just felt something missing with you. Maybe your relationship became too routine or predictable. Don't worry about it, it's just a sign that you two were not meant to be. You are young and should take this chance now to be single and have some fun. Date around, get drunk with friends, focus on getting work or some hobby you are passionate about, flirt with some hotties, don't look for something serious for a good 6 months or so (although if you meet the perfect woman then by all means go for it!). Just get back on track, build up your own life and it will help in getting over her. As you say, she hasn't left you with nothing. She has left you a free single man with your entire life ahead of you. A lot of people would kill to be in your shoes right now!
Author Living_For_Me Posted April 9, 2007 Author Posted April 9, 2007 Spinback - I'm sorry you've had to experience something similar to what i've been going through. It's actually been longer than 3 weeks since we split, i just managed to post up about it 3 weeks ago. Yes we did have the occasional fight. They almost always arose out of her insecurities about me. She never trusted me in the 3.5 years we were together, even though i never gave her reason to doubt my loyalty, she just never trusted me. I have come to the realisation that people don't always leave for "reasons". I'm just a really logical person and i find it hard to comprehend. However i really can't be arsed anymore trying to figure out all the reasons / emotions behind this whole situation. It's very comforting to hear that these feelings do eventually fade, kind of wish they would hurry up. On a side note I've managed to score a 6 week HR contract with one of Australia's largest wheat and flour producers. Things are definately looking up
Author Living_For_Me Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 Hey Guys Ok i did something stupid the other last week. I checked my ex's myspace and saw that the guy i suspected she left me for was in her "top friends". I know this may seem trivial but in this computer age i do believe that things like this have significant meaning. I broke NC and called her and asked if they were dating. She admitted they had been seeing each other for a couple weeks. I told her i just wanted to know so i could have some closure because i never really got any "official" closure from this whole situation. (she was always saying she just wanted to sort things through her feelings for this guy. Whatever that means.) I asked her if it was the same and if she was happy and she started crying on the phone. Saying she misses me and wasn't sure about what the hell she is doing. I think i do know deep down it is truely over but just the mere fact that hearing my voice made her cry does make me wonder. Can anyone possibly shed some light on her actions?
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 25, 2007 Posted April 25, 2007 She got was catching feelings for some other dude behind your back. thought the grass was greener. Left you for him. Framed it so the break up would look like he had nothing to do with it. then made him her byfriend legitly. That about sums it up. The reason she's crying is that she probably does miss you and that guilt of how him and her started is messing with her mind. But those are her crosses to bear. She wanted him so let her have him. It'll probably happen the same way with her. He'll meet somebody, he'll distance. then he'll leave. If it doesnt work then it wont but dont feed too much into it. Keep your ship steady and keep on sailing. meet other women. There's a whole lot of people out here.
Author Living_For_Me Posted April 25, 2007 Author Posted April 25, 2007 Chrome Barracuda You're the man! Everything in your post is true......Back on course
buffalobill Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 When I read your post I could have post my name on it and it would have fit my situation exactly. Do you ever get the feeling that in one moment you miss her dearly and would do anything to be back with her, and then in the next fear that if you got back together how could it ever be the same. How could you trust her again knowing what she is capable of?How would your friends ever repect you if you ever got back together?
Ath Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 I have those same thoughts.. one minute missing dearly, one minute happy to be free of the lies and cheating. Trust.. I don't even know where to start with that
Author Living_For_Me Posted April 29, 2007 Author Posted April 29, 2007 When I read your post I could have post my name on it and it would have fit my situation exactly. Do you ever get the feeling that in one moment you miss her dearly and would do anything to be back with her, and then in the next fear that if you got back together how could it ever be the same. How could you trust her again knowing what she is capable of?How would your friends ever repect you if you ever got back together? Even though there are moments where i miss her dearly (thankfully these moments are becoming fewer and further between) i try to not and think of what it would take to win her back. The reality is she threw away something that could have truly been forever. I get great satisfaction i knowing i was mature enough to push "curiosity" aside. To be honest Buffalobill i don't know if i could ever trust her again. I don't think i could. I gave her every ounce of trust i possessed and she completely took advantage of my level of trust in her. I think my mates would be disappointed if i took her back and honestly i would be more disappointed in myself that i didn't have the strength the turn her away. Remember guys there will ALWAYS be another.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 29, 2007 Posted April 29, 2007 Even though there are moments where i miss her dearly (thankfully these moments are becoming fewer and further between) i try to not and think of what it would take to win her back. The reality is she threw away something that could have truly been forever. I get great satisfaction i knowing i was mature enough to push "curiosity" aside. To be honest Buffalobill i don't know if i could ever trust her again. I don't think i could. I gave her every ounce of trust i possessed and she completely took advantage of my level of trust in her. I think my mates would be disappointed if i took her back and honestly i would be more disappointed in myself that i didn't have the strength the turn her away. Remember guys there will ALWAYS be another. Your friends are right, not only would they be disappointed, they would as if you lost your self respect. You do your thing and keep it moving. Your gonna miss her no doubt. I miss all my ex's but I keep it moving because if you stay still like a shark you die. There's a whole world of single woman with many different aspects, personalities, lifestyles, ticks, expressions, morals. And they're all different. I've been single for aminute and trust me it's not such a bad thing. Once you respolve your feelings for your ex, You'll be right on the ball, watch.
Recommended Posts