so gutted Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Today I got an Email from an ex. This was the ex that one day decided to finish things.We had met that day before and i thought it had gone well. He talked marraige each and every day.One day i decied he wanted out and that was it. He just didnt communicate it at all. The email was a "forward". YOu know the type, saying dont talk to strangers in a car park as this happens etc............. He must have sent it to his whole email list............ Obviously he didnt intend to send it to me, as he definetly didnt leave any doors open when he dumped me so cruelly. Just said i p*ssed him off.............. Needless to say this was a long line of diseasters and I felt very very low.......This was the end of last year. I analysed the rest of his email group and there was a lady on there with his surname....also her email address was from my company. Looks like since January he has manged to marry someone else.........and to top it off she works in my company - unless this is all a coincidence??? ( same name as his and same company as me). I have changed jobs since knowing him so he doesnt know i am there. All this has set my mind wandering and again that same familer sense of loss. He has moved on in 3 months........... He talked marraige non stop with me, looks like im not the only gullible one. For those of you that dont know a similar situation happened a few weeks ago when i accidently saw a video ( on you tube) of my ex of a year ago's wedding. That made me so sad. What do i do? I feel so lonely and it seems like all my past encounters are getting married, even though they treated me like sh*T. I can check that lady's position/dept on the email system. Should i try and contact her somehow? im not sure what im trying to do apart from hurt myself by confirming that he has got married to an educated person with a good job in 3 months. This is really painful.
IpAncA Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Today I got an Email from an ex. This was the ex that one day decided to finish things.We had met that day before and i thought it had gone well. He talked marraige each and every day.One day i decied he wanted out and that was it. He just didnt communicate it at all. The email was a "forward". YOu know the type, saying dont talk to strangers in a car park as this happens etc............. He must have sent it to his whole email list............ Obviously he didnt intend to send it to me, as he definetly didnt leave any doors open when he dumped me so cruelly. Just said i p*ssed him off.............. Needless to say this was a long line of diseasters and I felt very very low.......This was the end of last year. I analysed the rest of his email group and there was a lady on there with his surname....also her email address was from my company. Looks like since January he has manged to marry someone else.........and to top it off she works in my company - unless this is all a coincidence??? ( same name as his and same company as me). I have changed jobs since knowing him so he doesnt know i am there. All this has set my mind wandering and again that same familer sense of loss. He has moved on in 3 months........... He talked marraige non stop with me, looks like im not the only gullible one. For those of you that dont know a similar situation happened a few weeks ago when i accidently saw a video ( on you tube) of my ex of a year ago's wedding. That made me so sad. What do i do? I feel so lonely and it seems like all my past encounters are getting married, even though they treated me like sh*T. I can check that lady's position/dept on the email system. Should i try and contact her somehow? im not sure what im trying to do apart from hurt myself by confirming that he has got married to an educated person with a good job in 3 months. This is really painful. Perhaps he forgot about your name being in the address book. Why are you scared? Get a different e-mail.
polywog Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Ouch! This ripped your band-aid off! It sucks, but from what you said, he is no prize. Neither are those other losers you mentioned. Please, give yourself permission to hurt and wallow a bit tonight (rent a corny movie, put on your favorite PJs and eat your favorite ice cream) then just move on. Make yourself stronger and happier, in any way you can. You don't need jerks in your life, and IMHO you're lucky that you dodged the bullet, sweetie.
yanks26dmb Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 well, i certainly wouldnt contact the girl who you think he may or may not be married to. That would make you come across as a bit of a nut . anyhow, if you truly feel you are better off without him then dont allow this to get you down. You may have some issues with letting go and that is alright. But you should focus your energy on doing whatever it takes to get over your ex's so things like this dont continue to hamper you in the future...its the only way to lasting mental peace.
Author so gutted Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 The reason i wanted to get in touch with the girl was because I just want tell her what a sh*tty person he is.He had no right to elad me on so much and then he decided ( with no warning) to dispose of me. He replaced me with someone else with weeks.....we split in november - he is married now. I know the names of his sisters and this name is definetly not one of them. Do you think it is his wife? Is there any pretence under which I can contact her, bearing in mind my name will flash on her phoen at work?? How can I move on if i keep getting cruel reminders of my past. All I have tried to do is to establish a genuine relationship with a men who tell me they want marraige. It backfires each and every time. What is it that makes them run and drastically marry someone else. I dont think he intended to email me at all. This was a mistake. When i was with him he treated me well. This is what really hurts me, the fact that he didnt treat me badly and he talked about a future in so much details ( mortgage/work/living arrangements/the wedding/family/kids) and then he wanted out. If he was hurting so much ( he was going through a divorce) why did he go and marry someone else - so soon? Am i defective?
IpAncA Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Personally I think you should just let this go. Don't contact anyone and move on. Really you need to let this go.
My Fair Katie Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Sorry you're hurting but uh... He had no right to elad me on so much and then he decided ( with no warning) to dispose of me. Sure he did. It's called dating, sometimes it blows, there are no guarantees. How can I move on if i keep getting cruel reminders of my past. Block his email. Outta sight, outta mind.
Ezydriver Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 In my opinion, I really doubt very much he would have met somebody, gone through all the motions of falling in love, proposed, and then actually arranged a whole wedding and got married..........in three months!! That just does not happen. Even if it does, it will not be sustainable. I really do think it is a complete coincidence. It is a real shame that this little dilema found you, and you did not go looking for it. However, that does not mean that you cannot take control from now on by blocking his email. Doing so will give you a feeling of control and power over your own life and will aid a speedy recovery. Both from this incident and the whole breakup in general.
Walk Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 This was the ex that one day decided to finish things.We had met that day before and i thought it had gone well. He talked marraige each and every day.One day i decied he wanted out and that was it. He just didnt communicate it at all. Kind of confused... You said one day YOU decided he wanted out. He never said he did up until you decided he did? Anyway... Usually when I have a string of relationships that fail, I look at the common theme. And 99.9% of the time, the common theme is ME. Usually either in who I'm choosing to date, patterns of behavior I'm displaying, insecurity or lack of trust. You have patterns in your failed relationships. Take a look at those. When you find the patterns for why they failed, then DO something different next time. Also... I have yet to hear that you loved any of these men. It's centered on the fact that you wanted marriage, they didn't give it to you, but gave to someone else. might be a key in there for you to unlock a happy relationship with.
Author so gutted Posted March 21, 2007 Author Posted March 21, 2007 Yes - one day he decided he wanted "out" of the whole situation. He didnt give an explanation, even when i forced him. Thid guy treated me well ( apart from when he legged it). He led me on and of course it hurt a lot. The worst part of it was that he never explained so I will always wonder what went wrong. The pattern of behaviour is from the men. They all talk the talk - promise things and then dont deliver. Yes I could have been stronger - but havnt been. Yes its hard to understand how driven he was to get married. If you think i am bad - you should have met him. He needed assurances 24/7 re the relationship. This may have something to do with the fact that his ex wife had affair. That doesnt excuse the fact that he led me on. He could have opted for a relationship but being an ASIAN man he had to go the full hog and seek marraige. Another liar/deceiver - how many more. My search for a non asian isnt going well at all.
Walk Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Yes its hard to understand how driven he was to get married. If you think i am bad - you should have met him. He needed assurances 24/7 re the relationship. This may have something to do with the fact that his ex wife had affair. That doesnt excuse the fact that he led me on. He could have opted for a relationship but being an ASIAN man he had to go the full hog and seek marraige. Another liar/deceiver - how many more. Well... guess if you're looking for advice, then my advice would be next time you hear a guy talk about marriage seriously before month 7 of the relationship then run. I think it's really creepy that these guys are talking marriage from the get go. I don't understand that. How can someone know you're the one they want for life, if they've only known you for a couple months?
Erik Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Maybe the girl with the same surname is his sister or something. Lots of work places hire on recommendations from employees, (where I come from, anyway) he probably got her the job.
Guest Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 No - I know the names of his sisters and 2 out of 3 are married so dont share his surname. The marraige talk is the asian man's way of luring us....they know thats what we want. They play on it a lot. Sadly most of them do not have the balls ( or any type of financial security) to back this up. Their decisions are made by their mothers, so going out with girls like us is a nice taste for thm - but thats all they want a taste. They are trained from day one into seeing a female as a servant/maid role so it confuses them when they meet us - the new breed who dont accept this role. They cant take us on.
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