Marriedwoman2 Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 I've been with my husband for 12 years. I'm only 30 years old and he is 40. The last few years I have been treated like garbage. My husband has been doing things behind my back regarding finances and buying different things. Our sex life has been lacking because he tells me he is tired all of the time. He barely acknowledges me at all. I always do myself up and have great confidence , I never let myself slack off. I've tried everything to get us back to where we once were , even tried marriage counselling and it helped for a bit. I go out with friends on the weekend to get *away* and this is where I met the other man. We have been seeing each other since October. We didn't get sexual until December. I think I'm falling for him hard and I'm so very mixed up. I guess i'm just looking for some support not answers.
mrmaximum Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 If you have truly tried everything (and it sounds like you have) then you should leave this relationship. Although I find cheating reprehensible your husband's actions are not conducive to a successful relationship. Hiding things from your spouse financially isn't cool, whatsoever. You need to stop running away from your marriage, running never solves anything. It's sad but you gave it a good shot, I would recommend ending this marriage, it takes two to make one work, and it sounds like you have been putting a good amount of effort into a relationship that is no longer viable. I'm sure you would have felt better about yourself had you closed one door before you opened another but that is neither here nor there. Time to let this go and leave, JMO.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I've been with my husband for 12 years. I'm only 30 years old and he is 40. The last few years I have been treated like garbage. My husband has been doing things behind my back regarding finances and buying different things. Our sex life has been lacking because he tells me he is tired all of the time. He barely acknowledges me at all. I guess we're all wondering why you would stay in this relationship? Mr. Lucky
sickofeverything Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I am the Original Poster. I appreciate your post 2long. I do have values. Although people might think I don't after my post. The reason I'm still married? I have 2 children and I'm afraid to leave. I know..same old cliche. And yes I feel a lot of guilt. I also feel very betrayed by my husband. I'm not looking for acceptance at all. I'm not looking to put blame on my husband. It's my fault I'm doing this. I'm human. I make mistakes. But I can't keep living like this either. And I can't keep hating my life. kwim? I've tried fixing the problems and it's not working anymore. I didn't go out looking to have an affair. I really didn't.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 But I can't keep living like this either. And I can't keep hating my life. kwim? I've tried fixing the problems and it's not working anymore. Sometimes life does the hard part and makes the decision for us - we just have to deal with the consequences. When you say "I can't", "I can't" and "it's not", then it seems pretty clear. I don't condone your cheating but, taking your first post at face value, it sounds like a tough situation. I'd get my ducks in a row, tell your H everything and deal with the fallout as it comes. On many levels, not sure what you have to lose... Mr. Lucky
LakesideDream Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Sadly, there is a bit of a double standard in force here. If the poster was male, and cheating, the flames would scorch through the screen, however that's really a moot point. This is the age of "walk away spouses". It appears you have made the decision to walk, between short periods of repose in your lovers bed. I suggest you see a lawyer, file for your "no fault" and move on with your life. Obviously the effect your actions will have on your current husband are not important to you. If your lucky your children won't be to devistated losing a full time dad. You may even be fortunate enough in that your new man will treat you good for a year or two so you will have something to remember. Of course, the likelihood is that he will scamper away like the rodent he is when faced with supporting and helping to raise two children that are not his. Good Luck, you're gonna need it.
Guest Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I am the Original Poster. I appreciate your post 2long. I do have values. Although people might think I don't after my post. The reason I'm still married? I have 2 children and I'm afraid to leave. I know..same old cliche. And yes I feel a lot of guilt. I also feel very betrayed by my husband. I'm not looking for acceptance at all. I'm not looking to put blame on my husband. It's my fault I'm doing this. Honestly that's not a good reason to stay in a relationship, married or not. Think about this: if you get a divorce because your not happy, your children will not have to deal with the fact that "mommy did something bad". Do you ever think you'll ever lose the respect of your kids, for cheating on dad. When you handle this the wrong way , you can expect to see some ugly consequences. I can tell you from experience that I didn't like the "strange man" kissing my mother. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're going to expose your kids to the spoils of infidelity, be prepared to suffer the consequences.
sickofeverything Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Where did I mention I was running off with a lover? No where. So get your facts straight before spewing your b*ll**** all over the place. Trying to make yourself look so superior. Your perfect? Great can I borrow your handbook?
Mirror Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 If you loved the OM or H, you would protect them from yourself. End the marriage w/ H or end the affair. This cheating, this lying, this person you may (have?) become is not who you are. You shouldn't be influenced to do hurtful things like this by anyone. Either of them.
sickofeverything Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 If you loved the OM or H, you would protect them from yourself. End the marriage w/ H or end the affair. This cheating, this lying, this person you may (have?) become is not who you are. You shouldn't be influenced to do hurtful things like this by anyone. Either of them. You are exactly right. This is not who I am. It's not anyone I want to be. I would never let my children suffer in any way. I am a good mother. My children are always first in my life and for someone to suggested otherwise would be just cruel. So please stop talking about my children. My husband and I went to marriage therapy. We did it for 6 months and that was last year. After that everything was great. We were getting along great. until this past Christmas where he took my trust and stepped on it. and no I'm not saying this is all his fault. I'm just telling my story. I hate to be put into the *she is a total bitch and sl*t* category. I'm not any of those things. Affairs are not black and white contrary to popular beliefs. This person came into my life at this time? I have no idea why. And I 100% agree I should be getting a separation from my husband. But words are easier to type than actions are to do. I'm a human being. I need to feel like someone. Not just a wife and mother. My husband has no desires to make me feel like someone. The man I am seeing is not married and I would never travel down that road. We are not having a relationship. He's lonely , I'm lonely. I am falling for him more so than he is for me I'm sure. I'm not sure. I don't know because I won't ask him. He treats me like a person. So I just ask think before ripping every person in here a new a**hole. It isn't black and white for everyone.
sickofeverything Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 No I never thought you were tearing me a new one 2long. I know my A is wrong. I just meant every situation is different. It's ripping me apart. Everyday. I value your posts to me 2long , they are helping me believe it or not. If this isn't a relationship, what is it? Is it okay 2 have sex outside your M without your H's knowledge if you don't talk about relationships with the OM??? This makes no sense whatsoever. No wonder you're confused. What I mean was it was only a sexual one. I think. I am mixed up.
Wantingtogetitright Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 The reason I'm still married? I have 2 children and I'm afraid to leave. Imagine the harm you are doing to your children, the example you are setting will set their expectations of marriage and so the cyle continues. This should be reason enough to end the marriage.
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