Dragon Guitarist Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Hey up just a quick question. does the "nice" guy always finish last. What I mean is does the guy who will do things for others (because he can not because he wants something in return) always finish with nothing. Don't get me wrong I know I've just contradicted myself already by asking for something but why does the "nice" guy always end up with less than the jerk guy or the *******. Surely they have the same to offer as the other types possibly even more. They will never take advantage, always listen and are always there for the girl. Whilst the others will take advantage, ignore and are only there others when it suits them. They're always classed as the perfect boyfriend by the girl but when the opportunities arrive they never get a chance. I hate to use the term "nice" but until a better term exists it will have to do. So does anyone have any ideas about this?
Pyro Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 In your definition, you are referring to a nice guy as a doormat, where he lets people walk all over him. Women like their guy to have confidence and a guy who lets others walk all over them or take advantage of them show signs of no confidence. The few women that like jerks are the insecure type. You can look up the archives and find hundreds of threads asking this same question.
amaysngrace Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 does the "nice" guy always finish last? In bed... most definitely
serial muse Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Riddler's right on the money, I think. Lots of times self-described "nice" guys (and "nice" girls!) are really nothing of the sort - they may be doormats, as Riddler said - or worse, they may be deeply passive-aggressive but call themselves "nice" simply because they don't make outright demands on their partner. However, the underlying neediness can still seep through to the surface, and that's not an attractive quality.
Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 No, they don't always finish last. I have been drawn to "bad boys" since I was 15 yrs old. I married one. Divorced him when the abuse became too much. Dated 3 other bad boys, and dumped them all. Currently, I am with a "nice guy". He was actually my friend for two years before we got romantically involved. After my last bad boy relationship went south, my SO announced that he had fallen in love with me, and asked for a chance. He is polar opposite (both in looks & personality) of the men I had always been drawn to, but I had come to love & respect him as a friend over the years. Tired of the bad boy BS, I did give him a chance, and the feelings grew. Now, we are happy, and in love.
VirtualInsanity Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Hey up just a quick question. does the "nice" guy always finish last. What I mean is does the guy who will do things for others (because he can not because he wants something in return) always finish with nothing. Don't get me wrong I know I've just contradicted myself already by asking for something but why does the "nice" guy always end up with less than the jerk guy or the *******. Surely they have the same to offer as the other types possibly even more. They will never take advantage, always listen and are always there for the girl. Whilst the others will take advantage, ignore and are only there others when it suits them. They're always classed as the perfect boyfriend by the girl but when the opportunities arrive they never get a chance. I hate to use the term "nice" but until a better term exists it will have to do. So does anyone have any ideas about this? IMO it depends. For me I like "nice" guys but only to an extent. My problem is the constant clinging, phone calls, and falling in love after the 2nd date. The space I need fills up quickly and then I can't breath.
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 I agree with Riddler's definition of nice guy. No doormats please. As women, we're drawn to strength and confidence. Having said that, most of us have self-protection mechanisms against the jerks, whether by experience or instinct. There's a fine line between being a jerk and being assertive. Both parties need to be assertive of their needs with sufficient give and take, in a healthy relationship.
Pyro Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 There's a fine line between being a jerk and being assertive. Both parties need to be assertive of their needs with sufficient give and take, in a healthy relationship. Thats brilliant. I could never think of the right way to say it, but that is brilliant. That is what you call a real man (and woman).
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Thats brilliant. I could never think of the right way to say it, but that is brilliant. That is what you call a real man (and woman). Thanks Rid. You're awesome with the positive reinforcements.
Pyro Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Thanks Rid. You're awesome with the positive reinforcements. Your welcome. Anything to prevent you from writing on me or dipping my hand in water. Lol
Guest Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Riddler's right on the money, I think. Lots of times self-described "nice" guys (and "nice" girls!) are really nothing of the sort - they may be doormats, as Riddler said - or worse, they may be deeply passive-aggressive but call themselves "nice" simply because they don't make outright demands on their partner. However, the underlying neediness can still seep through to the surface, and that's not an attractive quality. Brilliant post! I agree 10000 percent! Yes, there are truly 'nice' people who are altruistic and kind, but they are not doormats. People who are wishy-washy and afraid to stand up for themselves often refer to themselves as 'nice', but are actually seething with anger and hostility within. They often turn out to be pretty nasty and abusive when you get reallly close to them. I am dating a TRULY nice guy at this point in my life and he definitely isn't a doormat! Nice guys don't 'finish last' as long as they are true to themselves and have some confidence!
Totoro Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 IMO it depends. For me I like "nice" guys but only to an extent. My problem is the constant clinging, phone calls, and falling in love after the 2nd date. The space I need fills up quickly and then I can't breath. ****************** That's interesting. In my experience, it's been the "bad boys," or at least the ones that aren't right for me AT ALL, that "fall in love" really fast. The guys who've said they "loved" me really quickly never meant it. I think the nice guys take their time to show they're serious.
Erik Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 That depends on how you define last. Nice guys get married, pay the bills and raise the kids. Bad guys get to lay the wives but die lonely.
VirtualInsanity Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 ****************** That's interesting. In my experience, it's been the "bad boys," or at least the ones that aren't right for me AT ALL, that "fall in love" really fast. The guys who've said they "loved" me really quickly never meant it. I think the nice guys take their time to show they're serious. I'm talking about the ones that stick to you like glue. Read up on "nice" guys and why they have trouble dating.
Rooster_DAR Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 BAD BOYS = Excitement, great sex, spontaneity, thrills, chills, instability NICE GUYS = Stability, predictable sex, long term commitment, security, control Generally speaking. Your choice!
Spinderella Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 my definition of a "nice" guy, is someone who tries to please in order to get what they want. they are so scared of not getting what they want that they are afraid of doing the wrong thing and displeasing the woman. they are devious and creepy and its a turn off. i prefer the honest "bad" boy who gets straight to the point.
Pyro Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 BAD BOYS = Excitement, great sex, spontaneity, thrills, chills, instability NICE GUYS = Stability, predictable sex, long term commitment, security, control Generally speaking. Your choice! Is that what your half as old as you GF told you?
lonelybird Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 A God fearing man is really charming, gentle, but has backbone; cooperate, but has own strong value system What is interesting about a person when he/she is stepped over all the time? who is he/she then?
riobikini Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 re: Dragon Guitarist: " Do "nice" guys finish last?" Only if they're doing it right, DG. (Smile) -Rio
lindya Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 What I mean is does the guy who will do things for others (because he can not because he wants something in return) always finish with nothing. Don't get me wrong I know I've just contradicted myself already by asking for something but why does the "nice" guy always end up with less than the jerk guy or the *******. Surely they have the same to offer as the other types possibly even more. They will never take advantage, always listen and are always there for the girl. Whilst the others will take advantage, ignore and are only there others when it suits them. I can't see how it's helpful to split your own gender into this nice guy/bad guy division. If you do that to your gender, you do it to yourself - and the upshot of that is that you restrict your own choices into one of two stereotypes. 1. The put upon, always-finishing-last, martyred "nice guy" or 2. The "strap her to a rail-track and get lots of sex" bad guy. Most people have a confusing combination of good bits and bad bits in their personality. Women are encouraged to be hide their more aggressive aspects and be sweet, kind and nurturing for fear of being classed as "bitches". For a woman who works very hard to conform to that standard, the rude and aggressive bad boy might represent all the aspects of herself that she's repressing. The "authoritarian" part of her might disapprove of him...but the more animalistic and instinctive fun-seeking parts (which deals with sexual matters) might relate very strongly to him. A woman who's already in touch with those parts of herself might be less in need of the bad boy to help her enjoy sex. When you listen to a woman listing her woes about a bad guy, you could well be inadvertently helping her to reinforce her own sense of helplessness and becoming part of the whole system of "niceness" that she feels repressed by. Most of us have spells where we don't particularly feel like being nice...and that's where the "bad guys" come in. Women can unleash their bitchy aspects in front of a bad guy, and know that he'll find that side of us amusing and fun rather than shocking and distasteful. Don't underestimate the power of that. All said, I don't think you need to be "bad" to get the women you want. You maybe just need to be less hung up on believing that everyone falls into straightforward categories of good and bad. More accepting of the manner in which people (and you yourself) are capable of dotting between the two. Most people are just finding an acceptable (to them) balance between freedom versus inhibition, conformity versus non-conformity.....telling soothing lies versus being brutally honest.
Sparky Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Nice guys don't always finish last, but they definately don't start first. BAD BOYS = Excitement, great sex, spontaneity, thrills, chills, instability NICE GUYS = Stability, predictable sex, long term commitment, security, control Generally speaking. Your choice! Although this is not always true, Rooster's got a point here. IMO, I never want to be bad boy OR the Nice guy but the "pleasant man" (a term I made up by myself ); a person who has the power, excitement, and back bone of the bad boy and the security, kindness, and commitment of the nice guy. In other words, the combination of the two. PLEASANT MAN = Excitement, great sex, spontaneity, thrills, chills, kindness, control, caring
AnneB49 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Nice guys don't always finish last, but they definately don't start first. Although this is not always true, Rooster's got a point here. IMO, I never want to be bad boy OR the Nice guy but the "pleasant man" (a term I made up by myself ); a person who has the power, excitement, and back bone of the bad boy and the security, kindness, and commitment of the nice guy. In other words, the combination of the two. PLEASANT MAN = Excitement, great sex, spontaneity, thrills, chills, kindness, control, caring you are such a "nice guy" relax and stop trying to be anyone...but yourself...
Sparky Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 you are such a "nice guy" relax and stop trying to be anyone...but yourself... Who? Me? I should've included that in my post.
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