loveratud Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 After getting entirely and uncerimoniously dumped 2 months ago, I've met someone new that I actually like quite a bit. I have a few issues (don't we all:) 1) I'm still in love with the ex that dumped me without reason, then tried to get me to date her again while she simultaneously dates HER ex. I'm beginning to hate her for her selfish actions and attitudes. Still keeps me up at night though. I've been on and off no contact since the breakup. She occasionally initiates contact and I remind her that as much as I still love her, I'm best off pretending she doesn't exist, and I wish she would do the same. 2) I feel like I'm willing to put up with anything to make a relationship work with new girl. Like as much as I was willing to work on the last one, and didn't get a chance to, I'm willing to do that for this one. Willing to look past any issues. I feel like I have something to prove to myself, and to everyone I know that I can make a relationship work. That it really isn't me. This new girl really likes me too. She's expressed some concern about me not being over my ex. I convinced her that I won't know until I try (I'm pretty persuasive.) It seems almost certain I'm going to end up hurting this new girl really badly, since I'm going about things for all the wrong reasons. It seems almost out of my control though. 3) The most embarassing one: I've not been sexually attracted to anyone since my ex. It's a psychological\physiological problem I guess. I've made attemps with several girls that my friends have all deemed extremely attractive, and I agree. But I seem to be extremely hung up on my ex. That's a really embarassing problem for a 22 year old guy to have. And it's left a few girls rather upset in the last few weeks. And I know enough about girls to know that when things get that far with the new girl, she's going to be devastated if she thinks I'm not attracted to her.
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 You're not ready to be dating yet. Please do this young woman a favor and let her go. Personally I would have left you in the dust by now if I were her, but apparently she doesn't have the confidence in herself to do that. Don't hurt her. Please get counseling to get over his unhealthy obsession with your ex. And go NC with the ex. Block her number, her emails, if you get a text, delete without reading it if it's from her, you're going to have to be really vigililate about NC.
amaysngrace Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 I don't like the idea that you want this relationship to work so you can prove to others it's not you. And yet you bitch about your ex being selfish. Using someone to prove yourself to others has to be the most backwards thinking all the way around. And you really think somehow that this relationship has a chance??
Author loveratud Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 I don't like the idea that you want this relationship to work so you can prove to others it's not you. And yet you bitch about your ex being selfish. Using someone to prove yourself to others has to be the most backwards thinking all the way around. And you really think somehow that this relationship has a chance?? It's more about proving it to myself than anyone else. That sort of unwanted\unloveable feeling you get when you're dumped. I'm confident that I can make it work. That was my point. That I'll make whatever concessions are needed and do anything to make it work. But I feel that my motivation to do so is to prove that I can, rather than out of genuine interest in this girl.
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 But I feel that my motivation to do so is to prove that I can, rather than out of genuine interest in this girl. This doesn't make sense because you said you feel you can 'make it work' with this girl yet you say you don't have genuine interest in this girl. If you don't have genuine interest in this girl, it WON'T WORK. If you have no genuine interest in this girl, do not make her your victim. That is so cruel. I almost think you want this innocent new girl you're seeing to get hurt by you, so you can inflict the pain you're feeling about being dumped by your ex onto someone else. You're sick. Seek therapy and tell this girl you are still obsessed with your ex, you are using her, and that you do not deserve her (you don't.)
Author loveratud Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 But I feel that my motivation to do so is to prove that I can, rather than out of genuine interest in this girl. This doesn't make sense because you said you feel you can 'make it work' with this girl yet you say you don't have genuine interest in this girl. If you don't have genuine interest in this girl, it WON'T WORK. If you have no genuine interest in this girl, do not make her your victim. That is so cruel. I almost think you want this innocent new girl you're seeing to get hurt by you, so you can inflict the pain you're feeling about being dumped by your ex onto someone else. You're sick. Seek therapy and tell this girl you are still obsessed with your ex, you are using her, and that you do not deserve her (you don't.) I have no desire to hurt anyone. I'm a pretty selfless person. I'll endure hardship so others don't have to, and I'll suffer silently in the name of others. I will happily stay in a relationship that makes me unhappy as long as I can make someone else happy. I do volunteer work. I did no evil in my last relationship (by both our accounts.) I'm one of the really good guys. Otherwise I wouldn't be worrying about hurting someone else, I'd just do it. But I'm not reckless or cavalier when it comes to people's feelings, because I know first hand what can happen. Besides, I took all the pain I was feeling by being dumped by my ex out on small animals. (Just kidding, pretending to be the evil doer you want me to be.)
TheSwordfish Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 HURT HER FEELINGS, hurt all the women in the world for the bad tings they have done! Slap them with all the stuffed animals you have! Lets start WW3 against all women!!!!!! Seriously, I think you should work on forgetting your ex. A new relationship isn't the answer. Rediscovering life in itself is! If you think the new girl is worth it, give it a try, just ignore your ex and her stupid behaviour. Chances are she will show some interest in you, while you date another girl (jealousy) and ditch you again as soon as things are over with the new girl.
Author loveratud Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 HURT HER FEELINGS, hurt all the women in the world for the bad tings they have done! Slap them with all the stuffed animals you have! Lets start WW3 against all women!!!!!! Seriously, I think you should work on forgetting your ex. A new relationship isn't the answer. Rediscovering life in itself is! If you think the new girl is worth it, give it a try, just ignore your ex and her stupid behaviour. Chances are she will show some interest in you, while you date another girl (jealousy) and ditch you again as soon as things are over with the new girl. I am working hard to forget my ex. Boxed up everything that reminded me of her more than a month ago. But it's funny how things crop up. A keychain, a little note she hid in my wallet, etc. I'm not interested in patching things up with her. She flat doesn't deserve to be with me, and I'll never be ok with being second choice. I know she'll be back, but it'll be the same story as every other time she's tried to contact me: I have nothing to say to you, and there's nothing you can say to me to make things ok. As terrible as it sounds, aside from the trauma of losing my first love, I think the long lasting damage here is to my ego. After all these years, someone rejected me. I'm still kind of reeling from it, trying to figure it out. My conclusion: some people just don't know what they've got. That doesn't totally alleviate the sting of it. I haven't had an unmedicated night of sleep since she left. I'm going to keep going on fun, fresh dates with the new girl. I'm having fun. She's having fun. My temporary neurosis is no reason to stop that.
DanielMadr Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 After getting entirely and uncerimoniously dumped 2 months ago, I've met someone new that I actually like quite a bit. I have a few issues (don't we all:) 1) I'm still in love with the ex that dumped me without reason, then tried to get me to date her again while she simultaneously dates HER ex. I'm beginning to hate her for her selfish actions and attitudes. Still keeps me up at night though. I've been on and off no contact since the breakup. She occasionally initiates contact and I remind her that as much as I still love her, I'm best off pretending she doesn't exist, and I wish she would do the same. 2) I feel like I'm willing to put up with anything to make a relationship work with new girl. Like as much as I was willing to work on the last one, and didn't get a chance to, I'm willing to do that for this one. Willing to look past any issues. I feel like I have something to prove to myself, and to everyone I know that I can make a relationship work. That it really isn't me. This new girl really likes me too. She's expressed some concern about me not being over my ex. I convinced her that I won't know until I try (I'm pretty persuasive.) It seems almost certain I'm going to end up hurting this new girl really badly, since I'm going about things for all the wrong reasons. It seems almost out of my control though. 3) The most embarassing one: I've not been sexually attracted to anyone since my ex. It's a psychological\physiological problem I guess. I've made attemps with several girls that my friends have all deemed extremely attractive, and I agree. But I seem to be extremely hung up on my ex. That's a really embarassing problem for a 22 year old guy to have. And it's left a few girls rather upset in the last few weeks. And I know enough about girls to know that when things get that far with the new girl, she's going to be devastated if she thinks I'm not attracted to her. If you cam for support change your nick to LoveKitty and switch sexes in your stories. Dumped girl gets all the support here from men hating personas:D 1. Shyt happens man. Chance is you did something wrong...probably worring too much like you doing now 2. The best way to prove something to anybody is to relax and be happy....what doesnt kill you gives you strenghts and experience 3. Dont pitty or analyze yourself....wont get you anywhere. Dont humiliate yourself by whining. Laugh at it man. 4. Just forget. F@ckitall. Enjoy life. It is better than enjoying self pitty emotions. You are not child to cry over yourself 5. Do you like the new girl? Go for it. Take it easy. Let it flow. Enjoy. 6. When in bed with attractive girl, concentrate on what is attractive on her. Inspect it...slowly, easy, enjoy every touch....and then f@ck her brains out. 7. Dont think too much, dont be a fool. **** counseling. They are modern age priests - wont give you magic pill. You have to give it to yourself. F@ck it. Go on.
DanielMadr Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 HURT HER FEELINGS, hurt all the women in the world for the bad tings they have done! Slap them with all the stuffed animals you have! Lets start WW3 against all women!!!!!! Seriously, I think you should work on forgetting your ex. A new relationship isn't the answer. Rediscovering life in itself is! If you think the new girl is worth it, give it a try, just ignore your ex and her stupid behaviour. Chances are she will show some interest in you, while you date another girl (jealousy) and ditch you again as soon as things are over with the new girl. You are dead man:laugh: Im very curious how many stuck up lalalalalala wont get it. It is sad when girls/angels are looking for excuses for ripping some guys heart meanwhile dumped guy gets smashed.
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 original poster, you already stated that you were pursuing this new girl for your own reasons, not because of genuine feelings. You are being cruel. I think you're trying to get a reaction from your ex by trying to con her into thinking you're serious about someone new. In the meantime this new girl is falling for you and you admittedly don't have genuine feelings for her and in fact only have sexual attraction for your ex. Why should this girl end up getting hurt? She has done nothing wrong. You are using her in a pawn in your little game just because you were dumped and you want justice. It would help to get counseling. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. You have an unhealthy obsession with your ex. I have gone through counseling during stressful times in my life, and it has helped immensely. .be real, get over your macho I was dumped, I have a right to be ticked off. You need to get over your anger. It's unhealthy.
Author loveratud Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 original poster, you already stated that you were pursuing this new girl for your own reasons, not because of genuine feelings. You are being cruel. I think you're trying to get a reaction from your ex by trying to con her into thinking you're serious about someone new. In the meantime this new girl is falling for you and you admittedly don't have genuine feelings for her and in fact only have sexual attraction for your ex. Why should this girl end up getting hurt? She has done nothing wrong. You are using her in a pawn in your little game just because you were dumped and you want justice. It would help to get counseling. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. You have an unhealthy obsession with your ex. I have gone through counseling during stressful times in my life, and it has helped immensely. . I want no attention from my ex. I've gone to all possible extents to keep information about my life from her. Every time she contacts me she's just full on information on what I've been doing. I haven't really determined how she so effectively spies on me. But I've blocked her access to my facebook, and repeatedly told her that I have nothing to say to her when she contacts me. Like I said, this is more about proving something to myself, and my ego. I promise I'll do my best not to hurt the new girl. I'm definitely not the villain you're making me out to be. Are we allowed the word femi-nazi here?
bridget_jones Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 It has nothing to do with your sex. if you were a woman who had been dumped and behaving the same way I would say the same thing about the guy she was using to solve her ego issues. You are using a girl you don't really care about to prove something to your ego. Getting her to fall in love with you and having sex with her is not going to solve the anger issues you have toward your ex. That is wrong and it shows you have a problem and unhealthy anger toward your ex. It would really help you to get counseling. You have very low self-esteem. It's time to move on from being obsessed with your ex. You even titled your post 'doing it for the wrong reasons.' You are stating outright that you know you are seeing the new girl for nongenuine reasons. BUSTED.
Hipnawtic Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 You should DEFINATELY NOT try getting directly into another relationship if you 1) are not over your ex and 2) haven't worked on yourself. If you go directly into a new relationship and haven't worked on your own issues i.e. counseling, then all you will do is carry over old issues into a new relationship and it is bound for failure. It's unfair, and you will end-up treating her like sh*t.
Author loveratud Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 You should DEFINATELY NOT try getting directly into another relationship if you 1) are not over your ex and 2) haven't worked on yourself. If you go directly into a new relationship and haven't worked on your own issues i.e. counseling, then all you will do is carry over old issues into a new relationship and it is bound for failure. It's unfair, and you will end-up treating her like sh*t. Well that's simply not possible. My last relationship didn't have any issues.
Author loveratud Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 It has nothing to do with your sex. if you were a woman who had been dumped and behaving the same way I would say the same thing about the guy she was using to solve her ego issues. You are using a girl you don't really care about to prove something to your ego. Getting her to fall in love with you and having sex with her is not going to solve the anger issues you have toward your ex. That is wrong and it shows you have a problem and unhealthy anger toward your ex. It would really help you to get counseling. You have very low self-esteem. It's time to move on from being obsessed with your ex. You even titled your post 'doing it for the wrong reasons.' You are stating outright that you know you are seeing the new girl for nongenuine reasons. BUSTED. Actually love and sex with new girl would help my "anger issues" since most of my anger and resentment is centered around the ex ruining those things for me. I think it's ridiculous to say that you shouldn't be angry. Someone made a selfish, unexplained decision to just throw away 6 months of your life on a whim. Won't explain it. Won't give you a reason. Just let's you suffer and pine away. Some things deserve anger. They deserve resentment. Some things can never be put back, repaired or made right. And so there can't ever be forgiveness. And certainly not without an apology.
TheSwordfish Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Rejection is part of life. Better learn to handle it. I once had a girl I was madly in love with, and it took me soem time getting over it. But you will get over it. Even if you have to kill 1000 bunny's Your ex is a bitch and you know it. So start acting like it If she calls you, text her something back about midgets in the backyard. Have fun acting like a nut, and laugh when she gets mad. Send her a used roll of toiletpaper and date her mother. More suggestions? I would advise you just to ignore her. She is cruel contacting you, for her own ego. My remedy would be having a lot of contact with friends, talk about this with one of your best friends. Do things you ike, and make yourself clear that everydayy without your ex is a good one
Author loveratud Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 Rejection is part of life. Better learn to handle it. I once had a girl I was madly in love with, and it took me soem time getting over it. But you will get over it. Even if you have to kill 1000 bunny's Your ex is a bitch and you know it. So start acting like it If she calls you, text her something back about midgets in the backyard. Have fun acting like a nut, and laugh when she gets mad. Send her a used roll of toiletpaper and date her mother. More suggestions? I would advise you just to ignore her. She is cruel contacting you, for her own ego. My remedy would be having a lot of contact with friends, talk about this with one of your best friends. Do things you ike, and make yourself clear that everydayy without your ex is a good one Yeah, I'm well past the feeling sorry for myself stage. I'm well into resentment\anger. The last time I thought "How long has it been since I've talked to her?" My immediate reaction was "not long enough." Her contacting me is more a function of guilt, regret, and wanting to have her cake and eat it too.
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