Guest Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Recently my g/f and I broke up. Her being the dumper. She said things were moving too fast, and she was having insecure feelings about me going back to my ex whom I haven't been with for over 18 months. She said she is not ready for a relationship right now she thought she was but realized that she's not. She says she would like to be friends and that if I ever needed to talk to her she was there for me. She also said that maybe in the future things can be different. She said she thinks I am an awesome person and that maybe someday we can have something good. Well after a week I called and left a message on her phone and asked her if she could send me an episode of a show she used to send me on a weekly basis. I got no response. She didn't call back and hasn't emailed me. So what I need to know is should I try to be her friend or did she just say it so she wouldn't hurt my feelings? Do you think I should start the N/C? What does she mean by just being friends if she isn't even displaying a friendship? I am confused........ She went from being really close to me to becoming instantly distanced...she claims there is nobody else but what am I to believe?
Living_For_Me Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Hey Mate I know only too well what you're going through. The reality of the situation mate is that (in my experience) women have this particularly bad habit of telling you "maybe sometime later on we can be together". The reality is they don't want to be with you, not now and not in the future. Please don't torture yourself thinking that she might come back....she won't. Put it this way. If she TRULY loved you, would she want to leave? No of course not. Women in love don't leave their partners. She is moving on and you should do your best (as hard as it may be) to do the same. Remember once she strays, stay the hell away.
Icantletgo Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I hate to say it.... But if she didn't answer and if she didn't call you back...you gotta move on... When i broke up with my first ex a while back, i stopped answering his phone calls cause i knew he was still in love w/ me. The only way for him to get over me is if I helped him.... She may look heartless by doing that now..but in the end it'll be better for you. Wouldn't it hurt MORE if she kept contacting you, knowing full well she never wanted to be w/ you again?
stace79 Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 I agree here....sometimes I would actually say extra hurtful and hateful things to my ex just to see if I could push him far enough that he wouldn't call me anymore. (He broke up with me, but wants to "stay best friends.") He would never leave me alone...he would always patronize me saying he understood how I felt and he was a jerk, etc. I'm in a period of NC right now, and as much as it hurts, it will be easier to maintain if he doesn't call or try to see me. Then I will see how little he really does care. I say the best thing for you is to stop intitiating contact. I anticipate this girl won't call you either, and you can see for yourself that she doesn't deserve your affections because she doesn't care about you enough. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hate to say it.... But if she didn't answer and if she didn't call you back...you gotta move on... She may look heartless by doing that now..but in the end it'll be better for you. Wouldn't it hurt MORE if she kept contacting you, knowing full well she never wanted to be w/ you again?
deelove2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 yes my friend I agree with what everyone has been saying, IF SHE REALLY TRULY LOVED YOU she wouldn't of LEFT you, sorry to be so harsh but that's the way I see it! My EX said the same thing I want to be your friend and I always be there for you, but NOTHING came of it so I emailed her a few times she did responed but was telling me that she was having a good time going out and partying etc etc, this really hurt me SO I have been in NC for a month now and still finding it hard to forget her, but day by day I know I will feel better!!!! I think she either has someone else or just don't want to get in touch with you until both of you have healed completely!!!! This is TRULY over and there is NO WAY you two are getting back with each other!!!! Sorry to be harsh but ppl need to know the harsh truth so it can help them MOVE on!!!!!!!! I hope it gets easy for you, and DON'T contact her she is not worth your energy! If she wants to speak to you she knows where you are!
berrynice1 Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 My question is I have been maintaining N/C, never heard from her no joke emails or anything and then today bam two joke emails and a small note saying hello and that she didn't know if I was talking to her anymore So should I answer back or keep the N/C going? She says she wants to be friends and I am thinking this is her way of showing that. However, I am not in any position to be friends yet as I still care about her. So do I ignore her and maintain the N/C or answer back hello or wait for a bit.....I don't know what to do as someday I would like to be friends and I really don't want to risk losing that opportunity Advice please.........
Living_For_Me Posted March 28, 2007 Posted March 28, 2007 Just ignore the e-mails mate. Trust me you will be thankful you did. Remaining "friends" will only cause more heartache.
cr8sea Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 Recently my g/f and I broke up. Her being the dumper. She said things were moving too fast, and she was having insecure feelings about me going back to my ex whom I haven't been with for over 18 months. She said she is not ready for a relationship right now she thought she was but realized that she's not. She says she would like to be friends and that if I ever needed to talk to her she was there for me. She also said that maybe in the future things can be different. She said she thinks I am an awesome person and that maybe someday we can have something good. WOW trippy....thats exactly, word by word, what my ex said to me....EXACTLY. Difference though was that i did keep talking to my ex...for over a week he kept texting me at random times. That was bad...very bad...because it kept my hopes up...til i found out he was seeing someone else already (not four days after our break up). So count yourself lucky. You do not want to know what she's up to, as other said, she might be doing you a huge favor. I say let her be...she dumped you for a reason...and thats that you werent for her. I know its hard but cheer up. Believe me, once you start seeing the positive in things, life will give you positive things back. So move right along. There are wonderful caring women who are "ready" for a relationship. Good luck
shamishank Posted March 29, 2007 Posted March 29, 2007 I've found that people say things to not hurt others at the time of the break-up that are really just damage control in an already emotionally charged situation. I don't think its possible to be friends with someone you once dated so soon after a break-up, but I'm just going from my experience. If she found someone, would you be happy for her, or jealous and angry? If you answer the latter, then you can't be her friend. It's tough, and I know all too well the feeling. Sorry that you have to go through this, but I really think N/C is your best bet. Keep your chin up.
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