moocher?

[natalia25]

Ok I want to get some people's insight to my situation. I need some sort of validation that I'm not a loon. But I'm by no means perfect.

I started dating this guy since last August. He technicaly had a girlfriend living out of town, but claimed it wasn't going anywhere. It wasn't mentioned again. We were inseperable. Lived together. Things were going great. He stayed at my house from September until the end of Febuary. I know I'm the idiot for allowing it, but I was blinded by love, but from September to the first week of January, I didn't receive any money from him for living expenses. Everything was paid for by me. I have investments purchased with money received from a lawsuit involving my fathers death and I live off the earnings.

He went through a period of unemployment. After New Years he started a job making over 340 a week. He was giving me his checks and I would deposit them into my bank account and just make sure his car payment was paid while continuing to pay everything else. I got maybe 5 paychecks deposited. Everything was going fine.

Out of nowhere he comes home from work on a Friday and says he's not happy. He said he needed space and had no free time. (I have 2 kids, aged 5 and 6...forgot to mention that...but they go to bed at 8, not like they were up all night)So as he's moving his things out that Sunday, he stated that he thought I would ask him to stay. I stated that I wasn't one to beg him to stay if he wasn't happy.

So he was gone maybe 4 days and we were both discussing him coming back.I really truely love this guy and missed him being around, and he said he felt the same way. He said that he had said too much that day and should've talked to me first rather than run out. We were making up and talking about what we wanted from the relationship when he moved back. Everything was almost cut and dry, and I said that I wanted him to give me a set amount of money every week instead of depositing checks into my account. He threw out a figure, which seemed rediculous. His logic was that since I have 2 kids in the house taking up 2 rooms, he wouldn't have his own room, therefore should only have to pay ONE THIRD of the bills. Instead of trying to talk it out he said there was no way he'd pay half, brought up my kids daddy(who's not in the picture,no child support) So there, no moving back in. But he claimed to want to keep seeing each other.

Here's where it gets evil on both sides. I know that it was wrong of me, but he hadn't been acting the same since he moved out, so I suspiciously found my way into his email. BAD BAD BAD to invade privacy. But my gut feeling was right. He had been online telling his ex gf(the one from out of town) and other friends, some mutual, that I was a greedy bitch and that the relationship was fading fast, all the while telling me to my face that he loved me and wanted to be here for me and the kids. I asked him twice after reading the emails if he was sure he didn't just want to see other people. Each time he would say he didn't, only wanted me, blah blah blah.

So I was waiting for the right moment to confront him with the information I gathered from my sneakyness. I was ready after I read an email he wrote the ex stating that I was a "greedy spoiled brat that should be willing to share my good fortune with someone willing to take on a woman and her two kids", and inviting her see his new place(she lives 2 hours away). To me That was a very ****ed up thing to say about your girlfriend, who just so happened to take care of everyone for quite a few months. SO now, since I came out with my info, we aren't speaking. He's angry that I invaded his privacy, which I can understand. But he's acting like he's a saint. I know it was wrong to snoop, but I surely wasn't talking **** about him or contacting ex boyfriends to come stay at my house.

I guess I just want to know other people's opinion on the situation. I didn't want it to get this lengthy but it seems I couldn't avoid it. Both of us have done wrong, but who's really to blame? And I know I'm a tard for fitting the bill for so long without setting up an agreement beforehand.

Any advice, comments, questions, counseling, would be greatly appreciated.

What a beautiful Disaster ~Natalia~

[mav100]

I wouldn't say you are a tard for footing the bill for so long at all. You did what you thought was right. As far as checking his email, again, I think you were more than justified.

 

I was in a similar situation, although reversed. I DID pay half the rent. However, she accused me of being with her because "I had no place else to go" after I caught her cheating on me. I caught her because I knew something was up and checked her call log on her cell.

 

I don't regret checking it one bit - otherwise, I would have never known, and she would have been able to "have her cake and eat it too". Information is power, especially when you think someone is doing wrong. I've learned to always go with my gut.

 

Funny thing is, even though I did pay half the bills, she did loan me some money once shortly before we broke up due to her cheating, about $600 bucks. She expected me to pay it back after I caught her - not! I had to move out of my home because of it.

 

But as you were paying all the bills, and it appears he did take advantage of you, get away from that loser as quick as you can. You and your kids don't need that!

[PracticalShade]

funny thing how invading privacy works. I've been an invader before lol. it's like it's justified if the hunch is confirmed, but totally wrong if there's nothing incriminating haha.

 

anyway, two wrongs don't make a right, but you were a great help to him financially for a decent amount of time. for him to say all those things about you behind your back... I mean I used to rant to my friends about my girlfriend when she and I were together, but I wouldn't go as far as calling her a greedy bitch or whatever.

 

if the two of you can't reconcile and rebuild trust then all your asking yourself for is stress... and the addition of a "man" child haha.

 

what's with him still talking to his ex the entire time, anyway?

[natalia25]

He started emailing her after we had the discussion about the money. I couldv'e just kept taking his paychecks, but was getting the "man child" vibe and wanted him to start putting in a set amount each week for bills. So it seemed to me he figured his free ride was over and wanted to start opening lines of communications with his ex to possibly do a switcheroo...he started seeing me when he was still technically seeing her, so why not try to see her while he's still with me? He sees nothing wrong with having an ex come from out of town to "stay on his couch" and acted like I was just some jealous girlfriend. I asked him numerous times if that meant it was ok for me to invite me ex's over, and he never once answered. I have no desire to reconcile with a "man" who would refer my children and I as a burden, that he should have slack on bills because he is simply "putting up with a woman and her two kids". I know I can do and deserve better. I just can't understand how his logic works.