Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 WWIU That's the thing. The kids. If my dad would have been sleeping with my mom while M to my stepmom, I would not have considered THAT an A. She would've, but they are MY parents. As an adult, I can see the moral implications, but as a kid, I can only see MY parents. In this sitch, I doubt very seriously that her kids will see infidelity. They will more than likely be relieved that it seems that their parents are getting back together. Even adult children of D have been polled as having high hopes of their parents getting back together. The newW isn't family to them (or should I say, not this early in the game anyway). If she bowed out and the parents DID take this dalliance into remarriage, the kids will most likely remember her and their half-sibling as a rough patch that they are glad they got over. Kids are not only resilient, they are selfish, too!!! Excellent post and oh, so true!
puddleofmud Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 Whew! Reading this thread has worn me out! Situational ethics? Is there really such a thing ("a grey area") or is there only black and white? As an observer and participant in this forum this is what I have surmised as what has been: Black and white: sleeping or having an emotional affiar with a married person is WRONG, period, no excuses NO EXCEPTIONS, EVER--thus what one is doing must stop instantly, should have never happened (should one have had better self-esteem, awarness, better morals, etc.) and there is no pity, empathy and no concern/ support Grey area: simple, there are exceptions to said aforementioned "rule" and empathy, pity, concern and support is exacted due to exceptions Should one have "change their spots" from what has been their usual presented black and white responses and currently choose to apply situational ethics than one must admit that said "rule" does not always apply and by admitting such must also, logically, carry this to any and all who are in affairs. One cannot logically proclaim "black and white" and then change stripes and claim "situational"? For what I can perceive, those who have had "black and white--no exceptions EVER" ethics so severely levied against them are unable to perceive how this has only applied to them and not another and are justified about how this has been applied to this situation as opposed to their situation. If they were accused as WRONG being the OW so why are not all WRONG about being OW? For those who felt so well about about this it would seem quite UN-justified to no longer apply the same attitude and set of rules as has been previously applied to most OW. For those who have not applied with a "black and white" attitude than one should accept that one is distinctive and not back peddling. For those who have been than one should accept for one to be questioned as to their historical logic. As many have seen most agree that being in a affair is self-destructive and AGAIN with a mostly "black and white" opinion tend to tell all OW that this is so--that in order to move forward one must tend to one's self, go NC, FORGET HIM, HE IS A LOOSER, HE IS USING YOU, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT DOING THIS TO THE SPOUSE & CHILDREN, YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND FORGET ABOUT HIM, DO NO FURTHER DAMAGE TO THE FAMILY, etc. Yet, in this case some who may have given this advice now choose "situational ethics" and may have even gone as far as to post that "revenge" COULD BE FOR THE BETTER or better for one's self-esteem in order to gain one's "power" back. I can see where some have found it difficult to negotiate the usual applied logic via this forum vs. SOME of the logic within this thread.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 23, 2007 Posted March 23, 2007 "We judge others by their acts, but ourselves by our intentions."
Mirror Posted March 24, 2007 Posted March 24, 2007 Some posters have stated that the OP is not the OW and I disagree. Criteria for being OW: 1.) Having sex or emotional ties with a MM 2.) Ambivalent about his relationship with his wife 3.) Reusable. Can be replaced by another OW 4.) Doesn't care what anyone else thinks 5.) Okay with the secrecy of the relationship 6.) Claims she has the upper-hand in the affair. 7.) Is not proud of her behavior but doesn't care 8.) Stoops to becoming an OW to build her self-esteem 9.) Believes the children will not be impacted 10.) Isn't 9 enough? I'm afraid Sara (the OP) has all of the symptons for the OW disease. And if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, and looks like a duck, it's a duck. There is no mitigation. A woman who has been treated like crap all her life is still criticized with sleeping with a Mm. Also, I don't understand about the "my H was taken" issue either. A divorce is a mutual consent of two legal people to end their relationship. That means, both Sara and her H ended their marriage. The OW (who is now the BS) can't do that. If there were loose ends and Sara wanted more, she should have tried reconcilliation. Sleeping with another woman's H (regardless of past circumstances) is not the way to tie up loose ends. Affairs don't bring closure. Affairs are like procrastination--avoiding the real issue. The BS (who use to be an OW) might not be innocent. But who cares? Who has a clean-slate past? She might not have respected your marriage, and you don't have to respect hers, but getting involved, intervening to seek so called revenge, with the possibility of hurting the actual innocence is hardly a good reason to start an affair. Most OW are involved in affairs for so called love. Revenge is not a better reason than love to be in an affair. But in order to be an other woman you have to have a cake-walking MM and that is what Sara's exH is, especially if she continues this relationship. How does he have the upper-hand? 1. He still have two women fighting for his D* (even through divorce) 2. He still keeps the best of both worlds even though they have been switched. (This roles of BS and OW in this thread have been switched too.) 3. Sara can claim she is using him for extra sex, but unlike most ppl in this sense, MM love to be used. 4. Is not taking responsiblities for his actions and is not required too 5. Doesn't really care about who feelings he hurts because his needs are being met 6. Wouldn't care if Sara ended it anyway; he can just find another OW with all the talent he has with cake-walking Sara has also taking to blaming the pain and hurt where the blame is less due- the OW. The real person who has hurt her the most is her MM (exH). Why is she still having sex with him? It is revenge..but revenge is bittersweet. Yeah it's pretty sweet to get back at the OW the way she participated in hurting you, but it's bitter of her to do it in a way where it will not only hurt the OW, but maybe even her kids (again), herself (again), and even the narcissitic MM (for the first time). I too can understand why she would do it, but I don't think it's funny, and I don't think it's understandable. I don't think it should be encouraged either. Oh, and the above statements doesn't mean that the criteria applies to all OW/MM, but in Sara's case yes. (If a left something out, you can tell me. )
bridget_jones Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Eh, does it feel good to spread your legs for this guy and be a sperm recepticle after he has slept with her several times, too? That would totally gross me out, knowing his member had very likely just been inside her. Hey, whatever does it for 'ya though. You decided that schtooping your disgusting, loser to the lowest level exhusband is the best you can do and deserve for yourself, enjoy the revenge! It just leaves the single guys out there more available for the rest of us! LOL Take that back, the quality ones wouldn't go for you anyway!
bridget_jones Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Slow the plot down, laddie, Slow the plot down. Way-hey! Slow the plot down. Just scuttle the story and run 'er a-ground. We'll try so hard to slow the plot down Sorry everyone, this thread just is way way to serious for me tah! I'm questioning whether it is even for real. Usually the posts when the OW poster is that smug about being a total loser slut, I have problems believing the veracity of their story.
Freedom Now Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Interestingly enough, some of the posters here actually encourage her "loser slut mentality" enough to even suggest that they, too, would engage in such behavior if the opportunity presented itself. Yuck.
PinkShorts Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Of course she is smug She's not a typical OW! She has been cheated on and destroyed by this OW-now BW. I honestly don't blame her and who knows I might do the same thing. Never underestimate a bitter betrayed wife or husband. There has been worse that has happened in similar circumstances.. vandalism, slander, hell even MURDER comes to mind!
Chapter2 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 "Typical other woman"...um...okay... And since when is it "smug" to let someone use you for sex? "Never underestimate a bitter or betrayed wife"...or she'll what...she might become the OW? She was cheated on by her HUSBAND first. Your argument is weak...filled with pain, but still weak.
PinkShorts Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 "Typical other woman"...um...okay... And since when is it "smug" to let someone use you for sex? "Never underestimate a bitter or betrayed wife"...or she'll what...she might become the OW? She was cheated on by her HUSBAND first. Your argument is weak...filled with pain, but still weak. You don't have much of an argument either except attacking me and labeling me as "filled with pain".. very mature. LOL.. presumptuous enough to think I'm a BS?? Very ignorant, don't you think? BTW, what makes you think she's not using HIM for sex? Why is it only the man who can do the "using"?? Regarding her as being used is insinuating that she is ultimately hurting herself or will be. She sounds the opposite to me. She sounds moreso empowered. Sorry, I don't think there is much of a problem sleeping with your HUSBAND or Ex-husband as long as you are not married yourself when some cheap woman came around trying to steal someone else's husband. What goes around comes around... and I would make sure that saying remained true. LOL
Freedom Now Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 What would be more empowering would be to walk away and let the sack of sh*t see what he is missing and will never have again. Reducing myself to his and his new wife's level by sleeping with the very man who was responsible for my pain and suffering would, personally, feel like rolling around in the filth with them. And I am sure he is having a ball with having the attention of both of these women. Seems to me he is the one who is reaping all the benefits. And I can't understand why the OP isn't moving on with her life. He certainly has by marrying his new wife.... I don't understand why anyone would reduce themselves to that level and backslide in such a manner. I would think that the OP would have better things to do than to willingly continue in such a dysfunctional situation. To me, sleeping with this man who is totally unworthy, shows a lack of self respect. For she has reduced herself from being his wife to being his play toy. Not a step in the right direction. IMHO.
Chapter2 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Here we go...you are so green, honey. Being in pain isn't a label. You sound angry as hell which is just fine with me...maybe you have good reason. I don't presume you to be anything but exactly how you sound...and that would be highly pissed. If you find sara's method of "empowerment" adequate then you just jump right on it! You go girl! I'm sure you'll show em all! You don't have much of an argument either except attacking me and labeling me as "filled with pain".. very mature. LOL.. presumptuous enough to think I'm a BS?? Very ignorant, don't you think? BTW, what makes you think she's not using HIM for sex? Why is it only the man who can do the "using"?? Regarding her as being used is insinuating that she is ultimately hurting herself or will be. She sounds the opposite to me. She sounds moreso empowered. Sorry, I don't think there is much of a problem sleeping with your HUSBAND or Ex-husband as long as you are not married yourself when some cheap woman came around trying to steal someone else's husband. What goes around comes around... and I would make sure that saying remained true. LOL
enoughisenough Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 TBF, you are behaving like a child. If anyone were to crop various sentences from all your posts then the exact could be said for you as far as "turning of the tides"... Thank you for pointing out again for me that I did not say "all"...I clearly said "many". Grow up. Angry much or just plain bitter? It's not for sake of argument, it's about posting an opinion and you obviously can't handle another person's opinion as an adult. It's all about perspective and variance in what they consider moral and just. You don't determine that all by yourself for everyone else on the planet, so get used to it. I find it ironic to say the least and comical and no I'm not against it. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Except it would be more worthwhile to have it all culminate in a revealing moment where the new wife opens her eyes to the evidence which would be 'accidentally' shown to her. Nobody is that preachy and holier-than-thou when given the option and dealing with that amount of pain. In fact, most women decide to give the husband a second chance even while they might be loosely in contact with the OW which I think is worse. Being emotionally invested is much more harmful and disrespectful to yourself when you know they are two-timing you. At least this woman had the guts to kick him out in the first place. A lot of respect from me. Everyone gets their validation differently, but im guessing most betrayed spouses don't get the opportunity to do what the OP did. And I agree that the MM is emotionally involved since he wanted to remarry the OW. If anyone is going to get hurt, it sounds like it would be him. Oh, that's tough luck, though isn't it.
PinkShorts Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 HAHA! You can say Im "green", call me "honey" or angry all you want but I find it funny! Sorry if me not having a problem with it gave you high blood pressure!
Chapter2 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I am compleltey entitled to my opinion and made the choice to exercise that right. "Put that in your pipe and smoke it?"..."Get used to it?" um...okay... take a deep breath EIE...it's really going to be all right. Angry much or just plain bitter? It's not for sake of argument, it's about posting an opinion and you obviously can't handle another person's opinion as an adult. It's all about perspective and variance in what they consider moral and just. You don't determine that all by yourself for everyone else on the planet, so get used to it. I find it ironic to say the least and comical and no I'm not against it. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Except it would be more worthwhile to have it all culminate in a revealing moment where the new wife opens her eyes to the evidence which would be 'accidentally' shown to her. Nobody is that preachy and holier-than-thou when given the option and dealing with that amount of pain. In fact, most women decide to give the husband a second chance even while they might be loosely in contact with the OW which I think is worse. Being emotionally invested is much more harmful and disrespectful to yourself when you know they are two-timing you. At least this woman had the guts to kick him out in the first place. A lot of respect from me. Everyone gets their validation differently, but im guessing most betrayed spouses don't get the opportunity to do what the OP did. And I agree that the MM is emotionally involved since he wanted to remarry the OW. If anyone is going to get hurt, it sounds like it would be him. Oh, that's tough luck, though isn't it.
Chapter2 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Just reading two of your other 41 posts is enough for me not to respond to you again. Take care of yourself pink shorts. HAHA! You can say Im "green", call me "honey" or angry all you want but I find it funny! Sorry if me not having a problem with it gave you high blood pressure!
PinkShorts Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Wow, interesting enough this woman has the gall to chastise others for their lack of morals etc when she's been the OW herself. Kind of makes sense though, doesn't it? Upset if you were the one being screwed over for once instead of you just screwing another person's family up?
enoughisenough Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I am compleltey entitled to my opinion and made the choice to exercise that right. "Put that in your pipe and smoke it?"..."Get used to it?" um...okay... take a deep breath EIE...it's really going to be all right. And so am I dear and so is everyone else. You are not the only one on this planet entitled to an opinion. If you could handle it like an adult, you would be gone long ago instead of throwing tantrums every time someone comes in with an outlook you disaprove of.
Chapter2 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 You are perfectly entitled to your opinion. Who is throwing a tantrum besides you? Disapprove of? I could care less. You haven't changed much since last May... You're as arrogant as ever. And so am I dear and so is everyone else. You are not the only one on this planet entitled to an opinion. If you could handle it like an adult, you would be gone long ago instead of throwing tantrums every time someone comes in with an outlook you disaprove of.
PinkShorts Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I love how naive these OW are when they get involved with a MM. He'll be faithful to you cause he "loves" you and you are "special". He doesn't lie either! I'm sure Chapter's MM made her feel the same way since she couldn't control herself to refrain from an EA or sex with the man. According to Chapter's argument, a married man chooses a wife so other women should know he is off limits. If only you could follow your own advice so it wouldn't make you a hypocrite. Wouldn't want anyone screwing with your future marriages I presume? What good for the goose is good for the gander.
Chapter2 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 You are a complete freak PS...you have no clue what you're talking about. I'm embarrassed for you. honestly. I love how naive these OW are when they get involved with a MM. He'll be faithful to you cause he "loves" you and you are "special". He doesn't lie either! I'm sure Chapter's MM made her feel the same way since she couldn't control herself to refrain from an EA or sex with the man. According to Chapter's argument, a married man chooses a wife so other women should know he is off limits. If only you could follow your own advice so it wouldn't make you a hypocrite. Wouldn't want anyone screwing with your future marriages I presume? What good for the goose is good for the gander.
enoughisenough Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 You are perfectly entitled to your opinion. Who is throwing a tantrum besides you? Disapprove of? I could care less. You haven't changed much since last May... You're as arrogant as ever. You have a lot of time on your hands. Truly invested in background checks on anyone who disagrees with you and correcting spelling errors. Maybe that time would be better spent given to your child or ironing out your mental problems. Obviously you disagree.
Chapter2 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Here's an opinion for you Pink Shorts... Eh, does it feel good to spread your legs for this guy and be a sperm recepticle after he has slept with her several times, too? That would totally gross me out, knowing his member had very likely just been inside her. Hey, whatever does it for 'ya though. You decided that schtooping your disgusting, loser to the lowest level exhusband is the best you can do and deserve for yourself, enjoy the revenge! It just leaves the single guys out there more available for the rest of us! LOL Take that back, the quality ones wouldn't go for you anyway!
PinkShorts Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Here's an opinion for you Pink Shorts... But it was ok to be sperm bank for your MM! I know I struck a nerve but name-calling was so unnecessary and childish. Time to grow up now.
Chapter2 Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 You didn't strike a nerve, babe. You truly sound insane. It seems you've been solicited out of the woodwork... But it was ok to be sperm bank for your MM! I know I struck a nerve but name-calling was so unnecessary and childish. Time to grow up now.
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