Freedom Now Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 No, he lied to BOTH of us. And he betrayed BOTH of our trust. And I have never discounted or belittled her pain. He hurt two women, not one. I was not willing after I found out. He never touched me again. And I have refused every single attempt that he has made to continue the affair. It is beneath me. Revenge has nothing to do with it. And, yes, being with me would make him very, very happy. And that is sweet revenge to me. He can never have the woman that he craves. And he doesn't deserve it. He will never, ever see me or touch me again.
Freedom Now Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 And so you are saying, LadyJane, that it is okay for you to do it, but not me? Double standard. Or hypocrisy. Take your pick. It is wrong no matter WHO is exacting the revenge. I cannot believe that you, of all people, condone this behavior. I am shocked. Two wrongs do not make a right.
Ladyjane14 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 ...but that's just too boring and you're not that important. Is that supposed to hurt my feelings??? 'Cause if you're shooting for a target... ya missed. Look, I don't care if you understand what I'm saying or not. Just between you, me, and the fencepost... I don't think you're capable of it. I do believe the OW "takes" from the betrayed wife. And she does it willfully, IMO. I don't hold her blameless. I don't buy the into all that "can't help who you love", or "he's my soulmate", or "I'm not the one who said the vows" crap. And yes... I think kids ought to be told THE TRUTH in language that's appropriate for their age too. I'm certainly not going to apologize to you or to anyone else for my belief system either. And if the OP wants to take back whatever selected bits of her ex-husband that were "taken" from her... more power to her I say.
a4a Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 And so you are saying, LadyJane, that it is okay for you to do it, but not me? Double standard. Or hypocrisy. Take your pick. It is wrong no matter WHO is exacting the revenge. I cannot believe that you, of all people, condone this behavior. I am shocked. Two wrongs do not make a right. I agree with LJ. I would not care about hurting the now married OW. Afterall she started it. So that makes it fair game IMHO. Not that I would do it, but who knows I might enjoy inflicting pain on one of the parties that inflicted it on me. Better yet I might get some pics and mail them to her get his ass in trouble with the new wife.
Freedom Now Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I would prefer to leave with class, not "take" from someone who doesn't deserve one second of my time. But that's just me.
Freedom Now Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I agree with LJ. I would not care about hurting the now married OW. Afterall she started it. So that makes it fair game IMHO. Not that I would do it, but who knows I might enjoy inflicting pain on one of the parties that inflicted it on me. Better yet I might get some pics and mail them to her get his ass in trouble with the new wife. But why not spend your energy on something that is a healther choice for you? Let them hang themselves. You have better things to do.
Chapter2 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Just between you, me, and the fencepost... I don't think you're capable of it. LJ, your agreement with me would truly give me cause for alarm. You are a sick, sick woman:D :D (Did I get that right LJ? Insult someone and then smile?)
Freedom Now Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Is that supposed to hurt my feelings??? 'Cause if you're shooting for a target... ya missed. Look, I don't care if you understand what I'm saying or not. Just between you, me, and the fencepost... I don't think you're capable of it. I do believe the OW "takes" from the betrayed wife. And she does it willfully, IMO. I don't hold her blameless. I don't buy the into all that "can't help who you love", or "he's my soulmate", or "I'm not the one who said the vows" crap. And yes... I think kids ought to be told THE TRUTH in language that's appropriate for their age too. I'm certainly not going to apologize to you or to anyone else for my belief system either. And if the OP wants to take back whatever selected bits of her ex-husband that were "taken" from her... more power to her I say. Wow. Insulting someone's intelligence.... Classy.
a4a Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 But why not spend your energy on something that is a healther choice for you? Let them hang themselves. You have better things to do. honestly it probably would make me feel a bit better. I can only guess at that.
Freedom Now Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I am done with all of this. Insults hurled at people is where I draw the line. Carry on, everyone. Happy mudslinging.
Ladyjane14 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 And so you are saying, LadyJane, that it is okay for you to do it, but not me? Double standard. Or hypocrisy. Take your pick. It is wrong no matter WHO is exacting the revenge. I cannot believe that you, of all people, condone this behavior. I am shocked. Two wrongs do not make a right. Are you deliberately obtuse or do you actually think that you sleeping with your ex-MM is the same as this OP's situation?
Ladyjane14 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Are you deliberately obtuse or do you actually think that you sleeping with your ex-MM is the same as this OP's situation? What I figured out is that a4a had it right a couple of posts back when she said "meow"... 'cause apparently that's all you were trying to say anyway.
Chapter2 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Have you now resorted to talking to yourself Sybil? I mean Ladyjane.... What I figured out is that a4a had it right a couple of posts back when she said "meow"... 'cause apparently that's all you were trying to say anyway.
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Have you now resorted to talking to yourself Sybil? I mean Ladyjane.... Chapter2, Ladyjane has ethics that I can only hope to achieve therefore I have some difficulty with your comment. I agree with Ladyjane. sara500 has taken control back into her life, in her own way. Being victimized is not a fun place to be. If you take some of your own back, more power to you.
Chapter2 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 TBF you don't know me and I certainly do not subscribe to your belief of Ladyjane's ethics in light of her stated beliefs on this thread alone not to mention so many other threads. I guess LJ's ethics stop just short of calling someone stupid and covering it with a smiley face. If that is what you aspire to then more power to you as well. I am perfectly fine with you agreeing with her view of sara500's choice. I stand by my belief that no one can be stolen from another...they give themselves to someone else. I also stand by my belief that absolutely no healing has taken place for anyone that would seek this kind of revenge. That does not mean I am stupid or lack ethics TBF...it means my opinion differs from yours. Chapter2, Ladyjane has ethics that I can only hope to achieve therefore I have some difficulty with your comment. I agree with Ladyjane. sara500 has taken control back into her life, in her own way. Being victimized is not a fun place to be. If you take some of your own back, more power to you.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 There can't be another thread where the tables have turned so drastically! The ex OW is defending monogamy and the BS is condoning sleeping with a MM... Amazing. I kinda agree with this! Good thread though! I would like to say this in regards to the comments directed to and coming from Ripples. We all have bad days, days when the slightest thing can really get under your skin. Sometimes when I read my past responses I think, "WHOA, I was pissy that day." Many times a post hits me upside-a-da head and I react strongly, other days might find some humor in the same post or just and choose not to respond. THIS I'M SURE APPLIES TO ALL OF US! That said, when I read Ripples first response today, my thought was, bless her heart, this has a different tone than usual, she's having a bad day. Like I said, it was just a thought, but it came from the fact I see it in my own posts so often. Some days its not even a nerve that is hit or that it relates to anything that is affecting me at the moment but rather a good strong dose of PMS pulsing through my veins!!
Ladyjane14 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Too funny! I grabbed the wrong quote. It wasn't like it was important anyway.... an unworthy endeavor. Thanks for the vote of confidence, TBF. To get back on topic though, I agree that the OP is taking back some of what's been taken from her. And I'm sorry, but I'll stick to my assertion that if a person doesn't understand intuitively what the OW "takes" from the betrayed wife... she's probably incapable of developing a meaningful understanding of it. This OP seems to be getting some of that back. In the short-term, while she's recovering her self-esteem, I don't really think it's going to hurt her. In the long term, I agree with so many other posters, like Diva and Serial Muse, who encourage her to put the anger and chaos behind her. A little anger is a healthy thing when you've been wronged, but if you make a lifestyle out of it... it becomes bitterness, and gives you WRINKLES!!!
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 TBF you don't know me and I certainly do not subscribe to your belief of Ladyjane's ethics in light of her stated beliefs on this thread alone not to mention so many other threads. I guess LJ's ethics stop just short of calling someone stupid and covering it with a smiley face. If that is what you aspire to then more power to you as well. I am perfectly fine with you agreeing with her view of sara500's choice. I stand by my belief that no one can be stolen from another...they give themselves to someone else. I also stand by my belief that absolutely no healing has taken place for anyone that would seek this kind of revenge. That does not mean I am stupid or lack ethics TBF...it means my opinion differs from yours. If no one can be stolen then I guess sara500's ex-husband has made the choice of giving himself back to sara500, therefore she has a right to him. Wouldn't this be accurate in reference to your logic? Did I say you were stupid or lack ethics? No. I said that I took exception to your insulting of LadyJane. You bet I aspire to her ethics. She took an incredibly debilitating situation and turned it into something worthwhile for herself and her husband. I could never forgive to that extent. Never.
Ruby Tuesday Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I saw mommy kissing santa claus (That's not Santa. Its daddy)
NearlyThere Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Well at least some of us can keep our sense of humor! Think actually its humour, lol, lol.
Mirror Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 I'm just going to say that Sara, with you holding on to this hurtful past, doesn't give the SG in your life a fair chance to make it better. You can't commit to him if you are still duking it out with this OW. I know you probably want to hurt her and your H, but do you want to hurt him too?
serial muse Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 TBF you don't know me and I certainly do not subscribe to your belief of Ladyjane's ethics in light of her stated beliefs on this thread alone not to mention so many other threads. I guess LJ's ethics stop just short of calling someone stupid and covering it with a smiley face. If that is what you aspire to then more power to you as well. I am perfectly fine with you agreeing with her view of sara500's choice. I stand by my belief that no one can be stolen from another...they give themselves to someone else. I also stand by my belief that absolutely no healing has taken place for anyone that would seek this kind of revenge. That does not mean I am stupid or lack ethics TBF...it means my opinion differs from yours. Chapter2 – unless I’m grossly misunderstanding her, LJ didn’t call you stupid. She said she didn’t think you could understand what it feels like to have someone “taken” from you – and YES, that’s what it FEELS like, there is no need to argue it from a lofty high ideals standpoint in a forum where people are always talking about how difficult it is to live up to those ideals and fight off messy reality – and of course she’s right. It's not just a person that's being "taken," it's also a sense of security, a worldview...it turns everything upside down and even as you may despise the MM, it is very very difficult not to see the intruding party as a kind of bandit who is trying to make off with your life. This is not rocket science, no, but I think that unless you have been in that situation, perhaps it is well-nigh impossible to truly empathize with that feeling. Stupid has nothing to do with it, but empathy does. And I think LJ's statement to that effect is borne out by this very thread. As a BS, I took the initial post as a lot of melodrama and revenge fantasy playing itself out. I feel sorry for no one there, except, perhaps the OP - and in her case I hope she just wakes up and stops damaging herself. But I don't hate her for being damn angry, because I've been there. And I don't see the point in defending the now-wife, who is hardly an innocent. And every time I go back to the first page to reread what was written I see Tony T's post and it restarts the Days of Our Lives theme music in my head.
Chapter2 Posted March 22, 2007 Posted March 22, 2007 Yes, TBF, that's right...sara500's husband is making the choice to give himself to her. I'm not sure that was ever a question but if it is for you, then the answer is yes. I was never addressing his behavior...its obviously disgusting...it was her original quote that was addressed. Did I say you said I was stupid? No, I did not. Ladyjane so much as said so in an earlier post but apparently the answer is to put a smiley face after anything you say and that makes it all right. You completely ignored everything else I said which is that you and I disagree. You are free to idealize anyone you choose whether I agree with your opinion of them or not. I am also free to take acception to it as well. As far as forgiveness goes...I'm not convinced that has taken place for many, many, many of the BS's here. I know, I know, I"m oh so wrong about that...uh huh... If no one can be stolen then I guess sara500's ex-husband has made the choice of giving himself back to sara500, therefore she has a right to him. Wouldn't this be accurate in reference to your logic? Did I say you were stupid or lack ethics? No. I said that I took exception to your insulting of LadyJane. You bet I aspire to her ethics. She took an incredibly debilitating situation and turned it into something worthwhile for herself and her husband. I could never forgive to that extent. Never.
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