Turning the table

[Freedom Now]

I, too, find it interesting, like GEL, how all the people that tout that all affairs are wrong, gleefully embrace the OP on her alleycat ways.

 

Any other woman who would come to this forum bragging in such a way about sleeping with a MM with absolutely no remorse whatsoever would be broiled immediately.

 

Seems like some people's moral compasses are not as black and white as we would think.

 

I find it interesting that some BS's would, in fact, condone the OW role in this type of situation.

 

I am stunned.

[Ripples]

So, you don't see the difference in sleeping with a married man who was married when you met him and sleeping with your ex-husband after he married his OW?

 

Ok.

[Freedom Now]

So, you don't see the difference in sleeping with a married man who was married when you met him and sleeping with your ex-husband after he married his OW?

 

Ok.

 

If you knew my story, you would know that he lied about his marital status to me and I, by MY choice, have left him. This was not a role I wanted. EVER.

 

I never have condoned the OW role. And I never will.

 

It was something I surely didn't request or want. I was led into it blindly.

 

And I left.

 

So, yes, I see a no difference between sleeping with a MM as the OW and sleeping with a MM as the BS. It doesn't matter who's doing the OW role.

 

It is still wrong.

 

And this sounds dangerously like entitlement to me.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I find it interesting that some BS's would, in fact, condone the OW role in this type of situation

 

As a BS, I don't condone it, though I do find the twisted irony somewhat amusing, I just don't see how any good could come from lowering ones standards for the sake of vengence. "An eye for an eye", though, is an age-old process of justice. Yes, it's interesting, but no more to me than any of the OW who were BS's in previous R's.

[Freedom Now]

I agree with you IWWH.

 

I do not condone these situations EVER.

 

As for the OW who were BS's in previous relationships, I am not one of them. But I see your point.

 

Lowering one's standards to a man who, obviously, disrespects both women terribly, is nothing but foolish.

 

But, it is not my life.

 

Thank God.

[woe_is_me]

I think that Ripples was directing her comment @ the original poster Freedom? maybe im wrong..i usually am

 

But while im here i must say im astounded at the way the subject of children is bandied about. How does any one poster know what is best for someone elses children?

 

I happen to think that children are better off having parents as friends than witnessing two warring partners trying to outmanoeuver each other over house and finances and desire discrepancies etc...

and that's not forgetting how some MM use the OW's child/children to get closer to her..

[Ripples]

If you knew my story, you would know that he lied about his marital status to me and I, by MY choice, have left him. This was not a role I wanted. EVER.

 

I never have condoned the OW role. And I never will.

 

It was something I surely didn't request or want. I was led into it blindly.

 

And I left.

 

So, yes, I see a no difference between sleeping with a MM as the OW and sleeping with a MM as the BS. It doesn't matter who's doing the OW role.

 

It is still wrong.

 

And this sounds dangerously like entitlement to me.

 

My, my that's awfully defensive.

[Freedom Now]

My, my that's awfully defensive.

 

Not defensive.

 

I just don't like hippocrisy.

 

If you talk the talk, you'd better walk the walk.

[Chapter2]

It really is... for a BS or anyone else for that matter to "atta girl" anyone for this behavior is embarrassing to even watch. It contradicts every word spoken about "right" and "wrong" in matters of trust and respect.

 

Gloating and encouraging this kind of revenge screams the fact that absolutely no healing has taken place for the betrayed. It's shameful but mostly its just plain sad that that's what is really in your heart. It's not just the offending partner that is mocking his ex, its self degredation at its highest for this woman to have any involvement in such a situation.

 

Should the tables be turned, I can't imagine the slaughter that would be taking place on this board.

[Ripples]

Hypocrisy - note spelling. Sorry, can't help it.

 

For me there is an issue of 'entitlement', if someone were to take something from me that was rightfully mine, I would feel entirely justified in taking it back. The OP had her husband first. Just as every other married man's wife had her husband first. HTH

[Chapter2]

Mispelling a word? Please!

 

No one "takes" something from you....someone has to offer to GIVE IT AWAY. Every word of this smacks of jealousy. Your blame is misplaced.

 

Hypocrisy - note spelling. Sorry, can't help it.

 

For me there is an issue of 'entitlement', if someone were to take something from me that was rightfully mine, I would feel entirely justified in taking it back. The OP had her husband first. Just as every other married man's wife had her husband first. HTH

[Ladyjane14]

If you knew my story, you would know that he lied about his marital status to me and I, by MY choice, have left him. This was not a role I wanted. EVER.

 

I never have condoned the OW role. And I never will.

 

Did you slap his face the minute you found out he'd lied about his marital status? Did you refuse to ever see or speak to him again?

 

If not, then maybe it's YOU who should "walk the walk". Because you damn sure can't say you've "never condoned" it if you spent one more minute romantically involved with a MM past the point where you knew his status.

 

Frankly, I don't blame this OP is she refuses to lend validity to her cheating ex-husband's marriage. I wouldn't either if I was her. You can take two monkeys down to the courthouse and 'marry' them to one another. But they won't understand what it MEANS.

 

By legal definition... sure, the affair marriage stands. By emotional standards, it's a sham unless the affair couple themselves legitimize it. I'm not going to sit in judgment on her if she treats it that way. Hell, I'd have done it myself.

[Chapter2]

I read your threads on the infidelity and divorce forums and a large part of your content is about self respect....what happened here? Doesn't self respect play a role in refusing to lay down and spread your legs for a man that made a complete mockary (oops! mockery) of your vows?

 

Did you slap his face the minute you found out he'd lied about his marital status? Did you refuse to ever see or speak to him again?

 

 

If not, then maybe it's YOU who should "walk the walk". Because you damn sure can't say you've "never condoned" it if you spent one more minute romantically involved with a MM past the point where you knew his status.

 

Frankly, I don't blame this OP is she refuses to lend validity to her cheating ex-husband's marriage. I wouldn't either if I was her. You can take two monkeys down to the courthouse and 'marry' them to one another. But they won't understand what it MEANS.

 

By legal definition... sure, the affair marriage stands. By emotional standards, it's a sham unless the affair couple themselves legitimize it. I;m not going to sit in judgment on her if she treats it that way.

[Freedom Now]

Did you slap his face the minute you found out he'd lied about his marital status? Did you refuse to ever see or speak to him again?

 

If not, then maybe it's YOU who should "walk the walk". Because you damn sure can't say you've "never condoned" it if you spent one more minute romantically involved with a MM past the point where you knew his status.

 

Frankly, I don't blame this OP is she refuses to lend validity to her cheating ex-husband's marriage. I wouldn't either if I was her. You can take two monkeys down to the courthouse and 'marry' them to one another. But they won't understand what it MEANS.

 

By legal definition... sure, the affair marriage stands. By emotional standards, it's a sham unless the affair couple themselves legitimize it. I;m not going to sit in judgment on her if she treats it that way.

 

Sadly, it took me awhile to remove myself from the affair, but I did.

 

I guess I was in that "fog" that you speak so much about.

 

But, I left.

 

And he would gladly keep me in his life if I wanted to, even to this day.

 

So yes, I AM walking the walk.

 

And never ONCE have I said that it is okay to sleep with a MM.

 

Not ONCE.

 

I don't change my standards to suit my needs.

 

Next time, since I misspelled hipocrisy, I will use the word duplicity or double standard.

 

But thanks for dumbing it down for me.

 

Can't be perfect all the time.

[Ripples]

 

Can't be perfect all the time.

Never a truer word spoken

[Freedom Now]

Never a truer word spoken

 

Now, now, now....

 

Your claws are showing....

[Ripples]

Mispelling a word? Please!

 

No one "takes" something from you....someone has to offer to GIVE IT AWAY. Every word of this smacks of jealousy. Your blame is misplaced.

 

Really? So rape is invalid then. Gosh, learn something new everyday.

 

Amazing how all the OW/exOW get so very defensive...

[Ripples]

Now, now, now....

 

Your claws are showing....

 

I don't understand. Are you sure you're not just being defensive?

[Freedom Now]

We aren't defensive.

 

It just seems that the xOW appear to have more moral fiber than some of the BS's. And we are the same OW that CHOSE to walk away from our MM. And that seems to bother some BS's alot. I would think that the BS's would give us kudos for walking away, but it just isn't so.

 

And I can't figure out why....

[Chapter2]

Your argument is weak... I wasn't referring to rape and you are fully aware of that. Any betrayed person knows in their heart that their wayward spouse was not a victim.

 

I won't go after you Ripples...your pain is leaking out all over the place so you have to label everything "defensive"... you'll heal at some point but then again maybe you won't. Bitterness is grossly unattractive.

 

Are you in counseling of any kind? I can tell you that its extremely beneficial...Ladyjane would concur. She is a strong advocate of counseling.

 

Really? So rape is invalid then. Gosh, learn something new everyday.

 

Amazing how all the OW/exOW get so very defensive...

[Ladyjane14]

I read your threads on the infidelity and divorce forums and a large part of your content is about self respect....what happened here? Doesn't self respect play a role in refusing to lay down and spread your legs for a man that made a complete mockary (oops! mockery) of your vows?

 

From the OP's point of view... this IS about self-respect. These people walked all over her like she was their personal doormat to wipe their feet on. She's taking her power back. Simple as that. She can't respect herself if she lays down and takes what they gave her up-the-ass. She feels like she has to assert herself and NOT be a victim.

 

I can't blame her. I'd do the same. Self-respect IS important to me. And I couldn't respect myself if I allowed somebody to treat me that way and then scamper off happily ever after.

 

In her position, this would NOT be a moral dilemma for me... because I wouldn't recognize the affair marriage as valid in emotional terms.

[Freedom Now]

Self respect is never allowing him access to my body again.

 

And never allowing him access to ME again.

 

He lost that priviledge.

 

And I am certain, that with this action, his respect for me would GROW.

 

It is clearly obvious that the original poster has lost his respect once again.

 

Self respect is maintaining one's dignity.

 

And that behavior is not dignified.

[Ladyjane14]

I won't go after you Ripples...your pain is leaking out all over the place so you have to label everything "defensive"... you'll heal at some point but then again maybe you won't. Bitterness is grossly unattractive.

 

Are you in counseling of any kind?

 

C'mon. She doesn't need counseling in order to have an opinion. Just because she doesn't agree with you doesn't make her "bitter". That's reaching a bit, don't you think?

 

Her post.. "Never a truer word spoken :)" didn't seem sarcastic to me. There was a smiley face right there.

[Chapter2]

So you would advise that to get your personal power and self respect back a person should give her body to the very person who (as you put it) was party to "giving it to her up the ass"? Hmm....somehow that doesn't equal respect to me. I'm sorry, LJ...you truly are contradicting soooo many of your previous pontifications.

 

From the OP's point of view... this IS about self-respect. These people walked all over her like she was their personal doormat to wipe their feet on. She's taking her power back. Simple as that. She can't respect herself if she lays down and takes what they gave her up-the-ass. She feels like she has to assert herself and NOT be a victim.

 

I can't blame her. I'd do the same. Self-respect IS important to me. And I couldn't respect myself if I allowed somebody to treat me that way and then scamper off happily ever after.

 

In her position, this would NOT be a moral dilemma for me... because I wouldn't recognize the affair marriage as valid in emotional terms.

[Chapter2]

You have an agenda LJ and your sarcasm isn't lost on me. You twist my words to suit your agenda and that's just silly. Here's a smiley face, a wink and a big grin for you dear

 

C'mon. She doesn't need counseling in order to have an opinion. Just because she doesn't agree with you doesn't make her "bitter". That's reaching a bit, don't you think?

 

Her post.. "Never a truer word spoken :)" didn't seem sarcastic to me. There was a smiley face right there.