IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Secondly, it really doesn't matter if you validate their Affair M or not cuz guess what?! The law does! That's what matters here...not whether you or anyone else consider their M real... ???????!!!!!
americat Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I'm not a hypocrite at all...and if you really did your research you'd know where you're wrong... As for everything else...I guess you really do go out of your way to try to hurt others...it's too bad...everything I said I stand behind as trying to help you...You can make all jabs you want but it really doesn't amount to anything but you looking like a sad, bitter woman...I hope that one day you realize what you've become and find a better place... All you have done here is patronize this woman. I'd expect more from a "classy" lady. If you don't like the filth, don't read it. She's bitter? What exactly is your point- she has a right to be if that is the case. She sounds like she is having fun to me and it actually sounds like you are jealous because you took the moral high-ground in your ex-relationship when you really probably didn't want to. Can't stand to have someone reveling in ecstasy because the morals don't reach your standards? Give me a break. Get over yourself is right. She doesn't need help. The new wife does.
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Heavy, heavy emotions in this thread. So much pain and anger from both sides. I understand why because I've been through it and still have the residual pain and anger, although as time goes by, it lessens. One thing that helped to ease it is the realization that the women on this board are mostly not the women/woman who have affected your life. Whether or not they have the same attitudes doesn't matter. If you have anger and pain, take it out on the parties that have affected your life. Repression of these emotions are not something I agree with. If you must vent or take action at someone, vent to the parties that caused you this debilitating hurt. Once vented, I found a sense of freedom. This is for both OW and Betrayed spouses.
smokenmirrors Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 It destroys families, it destroys lives...Now some posters have said these very things on this thread, but others have thought it is a grand way to get revenge on the XOW/Now wife...so either adultery is always wrong or can be justified when you feel like it? GEL, as much as you don't agree with my postings, I actually do agree with you on this statement. I don't believe adultery is justified in any case, but who are we to judge someone else's actions? I was told this by you and others on a thread awhile back. She is obviously here to get the support that this board provides, so, we should give it regardless if we agree with it or not. This wouldn't be the path I would choose, but perhaps it is the right one for sara500. I can't help but giggle a tad bit at how it has turned out. I do give you kudo's for having big brass ones sara.
HennyPenny Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 I guess it depends on what your definition of support is. I hope that when someone comes here for support and advice, they actually want support for themselves as an individual, not support in favor of self-destructive behavior. I think support is when people try to help you with your situation, not when people say "Hey, good for you! You're flushing your life down the toilet! Enjoy!" Even a negative comment is more constructive than that.
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2007 Posted March 25, 2007 Is there only one way that's good for everyone to deal with the after-effects of infidelity?
lindya Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I guess it depends on what your definition of support is. I hope that when someone comes here for support and advice, they actually want support for themselves as an individual, not support in favor of self-destructive behavior. I think support is when people try to help you with your situation, not when people say "Hey, good for you! You're flushing your life down the toilet! Enjoy!" Even a negative comment is more constructive than that. This thread is providing people with vicarious pleasure as the OP describes a scenario of revenge being taken against a common hate figure. It's obviously serving some kind of entertainment/cathartic purpose for people, and I think anyone who attempts to give any kind of emotionally healthy or constructive advice on here is liable to just get their head bitten off. It's purely a revenge fantasy thread. Loveshack's answer to cheap soap opera - as Tony indicated in his early comment about Days of Our Lives.
GreenEyedLady Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 All you have done here is patronize this woman. I'd expect more from a "classy" lady. If you don't like the filth, don't read it. She's bitter? What exactly is your point- she has a right to be if that is the case. She sounds like she is having fun to me and it actually sounds like you are jealous because you took the moral high-ground in your ex-relationship when you really probably didn't want to. Can't stand to have someone reveling in ecstasy because the morals don't reach your standards? Give me a break. Get over yourself is right. She doesn't need help. The new wife does. First of all, I think you should get over yourself... You don't know me, because if you did, you'd know that the last thing I am is jealous...I ended my R for MY reasons... I quite frankly don't really care about others morals, they're the ones who have to live with the fallout, not me...but where I think I can lend a different perspective, I do... If she were any other OW she would be burnt at the stake for her attitude...if you want to applaud her, go for it...But you're wrong, they all need help in this situation, everyone of them... As for me saying she's bitter, you can see it in her reply to me...she has went through my posts and taken information to try and hurt me (however, she obviously missed some info that people who read here alot know)...(FYI: it didn't work though, I lived the real story)...if that's not bitter, I don't know what is... The real purpose of the OW/OM forum here on Loveshack is to provide support and discussion...if you don't like my discussion, you don't have to read it...
PinkShorts Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 So how often are you banging him now? When do you plan on giving a private show to the wife? She wasn't bothered by him sleeping with you before so I'm guessing your ex is able to gloss over the guilt by rationalizing this way. I also agree that having his child was the only way she had a chance keeping him. Their relationship is obviously not that tight and built on such a loose foundation. Ready to fall apart if you ask me. The main reason for cheating in the first place is that it is forbidden, exciting and some men get off on knowing they are hurting their wife. It didn't really have much to do with her and they both would never know unless it was tested under controlled circumstances in the first place. Now that they are married, he'll see her for what she really is in all her boredom and unfabulousness. A housewife and mother is very unglamorous.
Freedom Now Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 GEL, I agree with you 100%. To those with self esteem, this situation would be incomprehensible. But I don't judge the original poster either. It is her life to live and I wish her well. But if you or I posted the same such nonsense with such smugness and remorselessness, we would be broiled alive. Apparently, it appears to be a double standard since the OP is a BS. I don't get the logic behind cheering on this type of behavior. But it isn't my life. And I certainly wouldn't encourage any one of my friends to behave in this way. But once again, it's not my life. It is just noteworthy to note how quickly black and white has faded into many different shades of grey. Peace.
ridingthebulls Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Um, who has really been smug here and done everything in her power to break up the MM and BS marriage? Oh the other woman. Sounds like some want to argue over the fairness in which people regard certain situations. Try being married and having some little floozy come into your life and mess up your entire marriage which you dreamt about, worked so hard on with the person you have loved for two decades and the children you both have created and then we'll talk about what's FAIR. Oh yeah, I'd have a lot of guilt and remorse over a little slut like that. OW: shows no guilt or remorse = check calls up wife and tells her about affair in an effort to break up marriage= check no regard for children in the situation = check continues to harass wife over the phone claiming that her husband wants HER = check has the nerve to make inappropriate gestures to your x-hubby while in your presence = check People talk about karma all the time but always try to discourage one from being involved in the process. Excuse me but I would not let some idiot have free reign on my life and let "morals" hinder my action. If people have it coming, then they deserve what they get. But I would not be so nice as to hide the affair!! I really think the Sara is being quite KIND given the circumstances!
Confused27 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 OP, you ARE the OW. I don't care that you were married to him. You're not anymore. You've become just as despicable in the grand scheme of things as she once was to you. It is amazing to me how catty women can be to one another...especially when it is over a ****ing man. Get a grip. If you need a dick that bad, get a dildo and save yourselves a life of hurt. The OP'S exH cheated on her and now she is helping him cheat on his current wife. If anyone has the balls to call the former OW a home-wrecking slut, then have the balls to attach that label to the OP. When all is said and done, both women are going to walk away used and looking like absolute idiots. They will hit rock bottom with their self-esteem and hopefully they will have the strength and courage to pick themselves up piece by piece. There really is NO way to justify this. Revenge is empty and useless. It is NOT a roadstop on the way to wholeness as a human being. And might I add that there is no way that the OP is just "having sex" for fun. She obviously still has feelings for him and always got her sense of worthiness as a human being from him. She doesn't know how to get it any other way, so she is still desperately trying to get it from him. This time, however, she is allowing herself to just be used for sex. WHen he cheated on her, he taught her that she wasn't good for anything else. Was her companionship good enough? Giving your self to someone who massively disrespected you is no way to make yourself feel good, especially when your "sex" wasn't good enough to begin with. Quit seeing yourself through his eyes. It's sad. He is a PIECE OF **** but is apparently worshipped by these two women, so I guess he has found a perfect life for himself. Good luck taking care of your "man". I hope that one day you can take care of yourself.
Confused27 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 OW: shows no guilt or remorse = check calls up wife and tells her about affair in an effort to break up marriage= check no regard for children in the situation = check continues to harass wife over the phone claiming that her husband wants HER = check has the nerve to make inappropriate gestures to your x-hubby while in your presence = check ! Again, get real. So it is all the OW's fault because the poor little H just couldn't resist temptation? Be honest with yourself. Quit sticking up for cheating husbands. He is the one that had a responsibilty to his wife. He is the one who made a commitment to his wife....NOT the OW. But it is soooo easy to vilify the OW and blame her for everything. Guess what? It is HIS fault...so why not get revenge on him instead of the OW? It smacks of thinking that the man is all powerful and therefore you could never hurt him, but the OW is on a level playing field. And therefore it takes feminism back hundreds of years and plays into the idea of being submissive to men. HE cheated on the OP. HE destroyed their marriage. However, she hates the OW....it doesn't make any sense. She should instead hate her exH
Trialbyfire Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 The impression I'm getting is that there's some serious stuck-in-the-box thinking going on here.
Confused27 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Is he worshipped or is he being used? That is simple. He isn't being used at all. The exwife was used, the former OW was used and now both women are being used. I really don't think this man is a god. What is he/would he be used for? The best orgasm ever? Im pretty sure that his penis isn't any more special than another man's. He gets to have sex with two women, and gets away with it because his ex allows him to. Im sure he knows that the only way she agrees to him laying in her bed is because she thinks she is "playing" him. He'll let her justify it to herself all she wants as long as he gets to use her
Trialbyfire Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 That is simple. He isn't being used at all. The exwife was used, the former OW was used and now both women are being used. I really don't think this man is a god. What is he/would he be used for? The best orgasm ever? Im pretty sure that his penis isn't any more special than another man's. He gets to have sex with two women, and gets away with it because his ex allows him to. Im sure he knows that the only way she agrees to him laying in her bed is because she thinks she is "playing" him. He'll let her justify it to herself all she wants as long as he gets to use her How do you know this for certain? Are you inside their heads?
ridingthebulls Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 OP, you ARE the OW. I don't care that you were married to him. You're not anymore. You've become just as despicable in the grand scheme of things as she once was to you. It is amazing to me how catty women can be to one another...especially when it is over a ****ing man. Get a grip. If you need a dick that bad, get a dildo and save yourselves a life of hurt. The OP'S exH cheated on her and now she is helping him cheat on his current wife. If anyone has the balls to call the former OW a home-wrecking slut, then have the balls to attach that label to the OP. When all is said and done, both women are going to walk away used and looking like absolute idiots. They will hit rock bottom with their self-esteem and hopefully they will have the strength and courage to pick themselves up piece by piece. There really is NO way to justify this. Revenge is empty and useless. It is NOT a roadstop on the way to wholeness as a human being. And might I add that there is no way that the OP is just "having sex" for fun. She obviously still has feelings for him and always got her sense of worthiness as a human being from him. She doesn't know how to get it any other way, so she is still desperately trying to get it from him. This time, however, she is allowing herself to just be used for sex. WHen he cheated on her, he taught her that she wasn't good for anything else. Was her companionship good enough? Giving your self to someone who massively disrespected you is no way to make yourself feel good, especially when your "sex" wasn't good enough to begin with. Quit seeing yourself through his eyes. It's sad. He is a PIECE OF **** but is apparently worshipped by these two women, so I guess he has found a perfect life for himself. Good luck taking care of your "man". I hope that one day you can take care of yourself. Letting the dirty slut get away with it is just like justifying her behavior. And btw, her vindictiveness involved in trying to sabbatoge the relationship is unbelievable. AN EYE FOR ANY EYE. Sorry, but you are comparing apples to oranges. In MOST CASES, the BS is INNOCENT. The dirty whoring OW is never innocent and doesn't deserve the same respect.
ridingthebulls Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 The way she's using this man for sex bothers some of you so much because you've never had that type of power. You are used to having your poor emotions guide you and being used for sex on a regular basis.
Confused27 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Letting the dirty slut get away with it is just like justifying her behavior. And btw, her vindictiveness involved in trying to sabbatoge the relationship is unbelievable. AN EYE FOR ANY EYE. Sorry, but you are comparing apples to oranges. In MOST CASES, the BS is INNOCENT. The dirty whoring OW is never innocent and doesn't deserve the same respect. How about rephrasing what you said.... "letting the dirty ex-husband get away with it is just like justifying his behaviour" do you not agree that the man in this situation is a scumbag? DO you not agree that he is not worthy of his ex wife even looking at him?
Confused27 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 The way she's using this man for sex bothers some of you so much because you've never had that type of power. You are used to having your poor emotions guide you and being used for sex on a regular basis. God. This is not about power. No relationship should be about that. Furthermore, my best friend that Im in love with...well....we do not have sex. He is in a relationship and I respect that. Furthermore, it bothers me because anyone should know that she is not using him for sex. She is using him for revenge and for a self-esteem boost
Trialbyfire Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 God. This is not about power. No relationship should be about that. Furthermore, my best friend that Im in love with...well....we do not have sex. He is in a relationship and I respect that. So you're having an EA with your best friend but want him desperately. Do you not understand the power of sex?
ridingthebulls Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 How about rephrasing what you said.... "letting the dirty ex-husband get away with it is just like justifying his behaviour" do you not agree that the man in this situation is a scumbag? DO you not agree that he is not worthy of his ex wife even looking at him? Sure, I see that. Probably more can come out of moving on, working on your looks at the gym or whatnot and making him jealous while you ravage another man in his presence. But the guy might not suffer too much; he had the ow to crawl to. Men have an endless supply of desperate women willing to accept their short-comings. But what's done is done so I'm trying to work with what we have! She divorced him and severed from him emotionally (so she says but might have been seeking validation since the mm and ow shrunk her self-esteem) while the OW took up the scraps like a stray dog. Sara said she was dating again and it sounds like she is in the process of moving on which is slow for a lot of people. Anyways, to exact revenge on the ex would ultimately be exposing the affair AND /OR moving onto bigger and better things with someone else and rub it in his face. It sounds like her self-esteem was so traumatized that she didn't think she was even good enough to attract other men. I'm getting that because she started dating AFTER her ex started up an affair with her. Maybe she needed that boost to ultimately work up the courage to move on. I really don't care cause I don't have much sympathy for a sinister OW.
Confused27 Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 So you're having an EA with your best friend but want him desperately. Do you not understand the power of sex? sex should not be about power. If it is, I consider it to be unevolved and bound to ego and societal teachings. The bottom line and problem is that no one is pointing the finger at the man. None of this would've happened had it not been for him. He is the one who betrayed the marriage. The OW did not force him to cheat. She may have made less than desirable choices and had a hand in wrecking the marriage, but sole responsibility is upon his shoulders. He is the one that stood there on their wedding day and said "til death do us part" How she can even look at him is beyond me. If she is still looking for revenge, then she is clearly not healed from this wound. And looking for comfort from the one who took it away is foolish. Also, no one suffers when they know you care enough to try to hurt them. It would hurt him way more if she just forgot about him and he realized that he was really no longer a thought in her head.
HennyPenny Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I'm totally in agreement with Confused. It doesn't matter if the OP is a OW, a BW, a BMW or a BS. She is giving the jerk what he wants. I can't imagine how someone could be emotionally invested enough in someone to marry him and bear children with him, and then be able to detach herself emotionally in such a clean-cut way. There is a very big chance that she and her children could be further emotionally damaged from this. It's easy to make this into a battle between sides, but this is a board that is meant to give support and advice, not to draw battle lines and keep scores.
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