hardknocks Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 I'm letting it out too.. after 4 months of NC - like others say - there are good days and there are bad. And today is bad. I have been feeling so good, but today, I am lonely - as lonely as I have ever been - and I don't want to be. I grieve, I mourn, I ache to my core. There is a part of me that is gone - taken from me - lost - and I want it back so badly today. I pray for the emptiness to be filled, I hope for something - anything - to make me excited about life again - to make me feel alive again - what the hell happened to ME!!!??? just give it back damn it.. give back to me what you have taken. etc. etc. etc.
Jinxx Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Its been two months of NC for me. I'm right there with you. This weekend has been especially hard for me. Hugs to you -- you are not alone.
YoMomma Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Its been six months since our affair ended, it does get easier. But I still have my moments of insanity when I think about him I've found that you MUST NOT think of is as NC! You must accept that it is really OVER if you ever want to be happy again. Accepting that part of your life being done and in the past is the only way to get over it. Its the only way I've been able to move on - I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking about someone who had no place in it to begin with! Get healthy, emotionally, physically and spiritually -becausre your life can go on - if you let it. Believe in yourself, you can do it! Never give the power of your life over to someone else... it's your life - live it
Author hardknocks Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 Actually - I was thinking the same thing as YO said.. it's not really NC - it's just over. I've even dated a little since ... well two dates that went well but didn't make it far.. which could be part of my day today - the entire A thing and being the OM for so long - it was like constant rejection - i mean after all she went home to somebody else - or put me off for somebody else - sooo that's rejection - and now i'm trying to date - and like - well i know it doesn't work all the time - and you have to date a lot and just be kind of thick skinned about ... well stuff.. but i think i'm a little sensitive to rejection now (can ya blame me?) - i wonder what's wrong with me and i'm constantly wondering if i did something wrong etc. etc. - i guess this is all part of the aftermath of an A - low self esteem. enough for today - time to go to sleep and hope it's better tomorrow!
casoria99 Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 It is hard. I am 3 monts of NC but it's not until now that I have sorted some of the confusion enough to realize that it is over. Right now I feel incredibly scarred by all of this. And I am also seeign the painful moments that he used to sweet talk me into forgiving. Ewwww such painful moments. I remember one time when I had to fly out of state and I needed help to get to the airport. The day before I was to leave, we spent 4 hours together, listening to romantic music, he cooked a nice spanish dish, and we made love. After it was over, I was hoping he would talk about US. I also wanted him to talk about ME and to encourage me on my trip as I was going to do a public speech at a university. I was stressed and freaking out becuase it was my first speech ever and I didn't knwo what I was going to say. But he started talking about himself and how he loved me and he didn't know what he was going to do and how he could take the cursing away if he were with me but he also cared for his kids and he wanted to make his marriage work for them and blah blah blah. Needless to say, the next morning he never took me to the airport and so I boarded the plane alone at 6:45 a.m. and was so stressed out by him that my speech was horribly delivered. And the entire time I was gone, he was calling me to check on me. Of course he called me between the hours of 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. and I never heard from him again until the next day. But silly, dumb me stayed because I kept thinking that if we could just establish a base, then I could accept something as long as I knew what was in it for me. In three years the only thing in it for me was great oral sex and some cash. And now with NC, he is not in my face to kiss me and hug me and spend money on me telling me that he is sorry while tears swell in his eyes. So I can see how he disrespected me without him telling me I am crazy for seeing it as bad as I see it.
lovernotafighter Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 let me just tell you ladies how lucky you are. I have tried over and over to go NC but we work at the same place and it is impossible. first he would show up at my meetings, and I had to ask him to stop and now as of next week he is going to be my boss! I can't afford to quit and he knows it, so he can do what ever the hell he pleases. because of this we agreed to be 'friends' yeah right! we did that a month and a half ago and guess what guys... the emails and phone calls are already back on pace to where they were 6 months ago. last Saturday we were shopping together and this past one he was buying me lunch. I will never get over him at this rate...but NC is the only way and I can't have it. as hard as NC is ladies be grateful truly you have the chance to move on rather than be stuck in limbo land like me.
YoMomma Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 let me just tell you ladies how lucky you are. I have tried over and over to go NC but we work at the same place and it is impossible. first he would show up at my meetings, and I had to ask him to stop and now as of next week he is going to be my boss! I can't afford to quit and he knows it, so he can do what ever the hell he pleases. because of this we agreed to be 'friends' yeah right! we did that a month and a half ago and guess what guys... the emails and phone calls are already back on pace to where they were 6 months ago. last Saturday we were shopping together and this past one he was buying me lunch. I will never get over him at this rate...but NC is the only way and I can't have it. as hard as NC is ladies be grateful truly you have the chance to move on rather than be stuck in limbo land like me. I worked with my exMM, but I left the company for a new job. Actually, I left before our affair became physical - and in hindsight - i believe I left because I WANTED to be with him. I knew neither one of us would have gone 'there' had we been co-workers. I feel your pain, and can not imagine if I had to see my ex everyday! It's hard enough knowing there are times when I will pass him on the road. I still find myself looking for his car... I do try and take different routes but it isn't always possible. It's day by day now - which is great because in the begining it was minute by minute!
pricillia Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 I think the best defense is to meet someone else and open our eyes to the possibilites of new
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