back to square one...

[perspektiv]

If you want background info on my relationship, search my posts...

 

I'm very involved in the local music scene, and last night there was a pretty big event here. My ex decided to drive 2.5 hrs from where she lives to meet a freind of hers and go. I knew she was coming a week ago. She started calling me again, and my dumb ass talked to her. After a week of her toying with my emotions, I told her I couldn't talk to her anymore. She is a game playing, deceitful, evil person simply put. Shes had me on a string since we broke up in november.

 

It is my b-day today, so last night I celebrated... I drank way too much. Anyways, I saw her, and every time I did, it burned so bad inside. My stomach was turning all night. I felt like I had to constantly monitor what I was doing, and where she was. Around the end of the night she came over and grabbed my shoulder. She said happy birthday, and I just said thanks and walked away. I don't think I ever connected eyes with her.

 

I guess my point is, why do we obsess about people that burn us so badly? Why should I even care? I have so much anger built up inside about it all. It seemed so easy for her to just casually walk around and not care at all about me. Considering she lives so far away, I didn't think I would see her. I know I won't for awhile, hopefully forever. I had NC with her for almost 2 months, and when we started talking again, everything went right back to where it was prior.

 

I don't know if I'll ever get over her, and that scares me. I've been with other girls since, but nothing takes my mind off her. I have met girls that will bend over backwards for me. I'm all caught up in someone who doesn't care at all about me....

[taylor]

You ask, "Why do we obsess about people who burn us?"

 

I think you half-answered your own question at the end of your post, "Because we get caught up with (people) who don't care about us at all."

 

I think what we really obsess about is WHY they don't care about us. We are good decent people who only want a chance to love them..and they throw our love back in our faces. Why would they do that to us when we don't deserve that kind of treatment?

 

Another statement you made in another post, "I treated her like gold and she treated me like a doormat." Again, we KNOW we don't deserve this kind of treatment. We don't understand why they choose to treat us like they do when we have done nothing to deserve it. Therefore, we obsess about the whys.

 

I think it is also human nature to want or obsess about that which we can't have (or had and lost).

 

I read back through all of your posts. Here's my 2 cents, for whatever it may be worth:

 

Your ex sounds young, immature and selfish (I guess those three things often go together). She sounds like she needs to sow some wild oats. She isn't interested or ready for a meaningful relationship.

 

You, on the other hand, are ready for something meaningful. You even say in a previous post that you are not into one-night stands.

 

You want different things. That's why it isn't working out between the two of you. You can't "make" her one-man relationship material just like she can't make you start feeling fulfilled with one-night stands.

 

You talk a lot about trust issues in your posts. I really don't think you have a problem with trusting women - just a problem trusting her. The thing is you have a right to not trust her. Her cheating behavior justifies you lack of trust in her. No guy in his right mind would trust that kind of girl.

 

Her cheating behavior is a huge red flag. It tells you she has no respect for any man she is in a relationship with and she has no respect for the relationship itself.

 

If there is no respect and there is no trust, there is no relationship.

 

You say she has had you dangling on a string. Take a second and look at it a different way. You LET her dangle you on a string. It's time to take a pair of sharp scissors and cut yourself off that string. She's not going to do it for you. She has you right where she wants you - in her back pocket. She still has control over you. Take the control back!

 

There is way to much contact between you and this girl. The more contact you have with her the longer she will keep you dangling. Keep in mind you are probably not the only guy she is controlling, manipulating and dangling on that string. How many guy "friends" does she have?????

 

It's amazing to me how a girl like that can treat a guy like cr*p, cheat on him, string him along, and disrespect him ---and STILL keep him coming back for more.

 

You deserve so much more than she is willing to offer you. THis girl has not proven to you that she is worthy of your love, let alone your time or attention. I think your response to her "happy birthday" was very generous on your part. I would have ignored her.

 

Gather up your self-respect and self-esteem and whatever strength and determination you have, and KICK THIS GIRL TO THE CURB.

 

You don't seem to have any trouble attracting girls. Find one who will appreciate who you are and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Don't settle for less.

[alphamale]

I don't know if I'll ever get over her,

Trust me PERSPEKTIV....you will. But it will take time.

[perspektiv]

Thanks for the responses, and Taylor, thanks for being very in depth and reading about my situation.

 

I've been feeling a bit better. It just seems that any contact at all leads to pain of some sort. today she called, and instinctively I answered. I had been fine with NC the past 2 weeks. I think I was more interested in why she was calling. She apologized for ignoring me that night, and said she felt bad that she really didn't get to wish me a happy b-day like she wanted to.

 

The call really didn't go anywhere, and was pretty short. I do wish I had ignored it though. I felt kinda crappy after I talked to her. It also sort of says that I'm not angry with her. She even said herself that she didn't think I would answer her calls anymore.

 

Anyways, I know she will call again. Its hard not to pick up because now we are on this nuetral plane. I know I shouldn't though. I need to stop choosing the pain.

[Living_For_Me]

Taylor your a guru mate.

 

I honestly couldn't have put it better myself.