RocketMan2 Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Hey all, Sorry I had to call a man-down recently, I needed to just get away for a bit. I thought I'd post and let you all know how I'm doing, plus get a few things off my chest.... Well I've been doing ok mostly, not really been thinking about it at all to be honest. Its still there though, I've just been ignoring it. Dangerous I know, because im so fragile. Anything could break me. In fact just now is the first time ive properly thought about her in a while and im spectacularly upset already and ive not even gone into it. She still has complete power over me. All i need to do is look at a picture of her (not that i do that, but i glanced at one accidentally the other day when i was tidying up) and it shatters me. 10 weeks its been. TEN WEEKS! jesus, where has the time gone! Its gone so fast! I haven't even done anything! God i need to get a life!!!! Its my birthday tomorrow, what a **** day thats going to be. Noone to spoil or treat me or make me feel special. Same as every other crappy, meaningless day. God don't i sound cheerful lol. Sorry, this post was supposed to be positive that im moving on, but im clearly not Damnit! Anyway, pointless rant over. Rocket
polywog Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Hi Rocket, It's funny, I was just wondering about you yesterday, and here you are! Nice to see you back! Ten weeks isn't really that long to get over someone. And you know, in a way you aren't just getting over HER. She was no prize, and you know she wasn't capapble of real love, she's too immature. You're getting over and mourning that possibility of love she embodied; something she'd never have given you in the way you will have someday when all this sh*t is over. You are longing for love, missing the possibility of love, the crumb of it you had. And you will have better when these feeling fade, and over time, of course, they just will. The wiser Rocket will never settle for someone like her again. I speak from experience, an I'm going through all these revelations in my own life right now. I have to go run and meet some friends for breakfast, but I'll check in later to discuss your birthday. polywog
guin_girl Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 RM2 Good to "see" you again! And so glad that you are staying strong... doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like h3!!, but it's part of the healing process. Remember there are 5 stages of grief, and dealing with a break-up is definite grief: shock/denialinward angeroutward anger depression acceptanceYou are in stage 1... shock and denial... sometimes you make it through some stages quicker than others, to "ignore" the stages, feelings or emotions is to prolong the process, as you know right now. "Schedule" grief time each day just fifteen to twenty minutes, when you start to think about her, push it aside and know that you will devote that time to grieve at that time. You can use different ways to process your grief during this time like thinking, crying, praying, meditating or writing . You may just want to use this time to write down your feelings, your grief and the memories of your relationship. I usually take this time to write down the positives and negatives of the relationship. What was good about it and what was bad about it. Usually I will see that the bad really does outweigh the good. And that the good list doesn't necessarily have to be provided by that specific person. Many people have those same good qualities without all the bad ones. Writing everything will also help you to see your progress even when you don't feel like you are making any. You may find that you are writing the same things over and over, but the process of your thoughts change over time. Eventually you will get to a point that you don't need to take that "appointment" with yourself and your grief because it will eventually go away. I have a book that I have read many times and have lent out to others is "Letting Go: a 12 week personal action program to overcome a broken heart" by Dr. Zev Wanderer. Keep posting RM2, we are here for you, stay strong.
Cossette4 Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Rocket, I dunno whether this will help you or discourage you, but I still feel pretty upset about the whole thing and it's been 8 months. I don't mean to imply that you're going to feel like this for several more months still so deal with it, but I meant it more as, "You are not alone and the length of time it takes to heal is proportionate to the time invested in the relationship and the hurtful way it ended." Or to put it more simply, we're both normal in feeling like this. I definitely feel that whole "power" thing....I feel like my ex has power over me solely because he has a new relationship. Even though he's really got nothing else going for him in his life, he becomes so "powerful" by being able to be in love and be happy when I am not. And even though his new girlfriend is an unattractive, bisexual, skanky, unemployed high-school dropout with no morals, it "trumps" the fact that I have no one. I've been telling myself for months that if they would just break up, the powertrip would dissolve. (Or, if I was ready to date again, I'd basically have to find a guy with a pulse and I would have a better "catch" than he found, thus dissolving the powertrip). But I know deep down I can't sit patiently and wait for their breakup, nor will I get into another relationship just to get back at him and make him feel jealous. I think the best option is to process what's going on in my head/heart (no matter how long it takes), and then lead a successful life from then on. That ultimately will break the spell my ex has over me. One day it'll seem laughable that I was so bent out of shape over him and brought down by this new girlfriend who NO ONE would be jealous of. Then I can join the rest of our friend group in truly feeling sorry for him that he's in a relationship with such a nasty skank and his life is going no where. I think you can apply all of that to your own story, too. Also, another thing you can try to focus on is just "life" in general. I know it's going to sound really cliche but, think about how great it is to just be alive! And the trick is, you can't think about it from the perspective of your breakup, because then you'll be going, "Oh I'd rather be dead." You have to think of it independently from what's going on. Just pure life. It's short, so we can't waste anymore time than we have to dwelling on the situation. And everything has a purpose and happens for a reason, so one day it will make sense WHY this happened, and these very events might bring us to a better place. Happy Birthday tomorrow!
soulseeker Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Hey Rocket. Sorry to hear you having a bad go of it. I went through a breakup six months ago and my bday was just this week. We broke up a week after I made a HUGE deal about his bday...surprise party and all. Needless to say I was NOT looking forward to my bday. Then I realized I was looking at the whole situation from the wrong angle. I realized that I have to look at my life as just that, MY life. Everything I choose to do is for me, no one else. There is no one waiting at home for me to share my daily experiences with, no one to show my art to, no one to support my decision to take up guitar...therefore...I am truly doing all of these things for me! It is such an awesome feeling. It is truly empowering to know that I dont need anyone to validate what I do. Having been in both situations, I think it is more difficult to be single than it is to be in a relationship, by far. Unless it's abusive, etc. I dont want to be single forever, but I am now enjoying my time instead of waiting for someone else to make a big deal about me and spoil me...spoil yourself, make a big deal about yourself! I'm looking forward to my next meaningful relationship because it will be my first "grown up" one. And Im 29!!! Actually, I think the trickiest thing of all is to maintain who you are and be your spontaneous self, while in a relationship. Now, that is healthy living to me. I dont know if this makes sense, or if it pertains to you, but I hope it helps. No point in wasting time, we arent getting any younger, but we are getting wiser. good luck and happy bday!
shockandawed Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Rocket, Nice to see you back around. Don't beat yourself up on how long it has been. I am a few weeks ahead of you and I still have some terrible moments. They don't last near as long, but she still is in my head quite a bit. It really sucks how this can affect otherwise normal, rational people. Have a wonderful birthday!!!!!!
Author RocketMan2 Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 Hey everyone Thanks for your kind words You're all right as usual I am moving on, I know that. I was dreading her texting me today, even just saying happy bday. She hasnt (yet), and I dont really know how i feel, i hadnt prepared myself for no text! lol annnnnyyyway. I'm starting to break down the pedestal that shes so firmly affixed to the top of, so thats good. Not much else to report really Just been out for a massive dinner so im gonna go have a nap and let it go down, then off the gym to buff up! Gonna try and check in here a bit more regularly too, I don't think i can face helping out on many threads yet as I dont want to drag myself back down, but ill certainly be lurking Rocket
polywog Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Hey everyone Thanks for your kind words You're all right as usual I am moving on, I know that. I was dreading her texting me today, even just saying happy bday. She hasnt (yet), and I dont really know how i feel, i hadnt prepared myself for no text! lol annnnnyyyway. I'm starting to break down the pedestal that shes so firmly affixed to the top of, so thats good. Not much else to report really Just been out for a massive dinner so im gonna go have a nap and let it go down, then off the gym to buff up! Gonna try and check in here a bit more regularly too, I don't think i can face helping out on many threads yet as I dont want to drag myself back down, but ill certainly be lurking Rocket Happy belated BD, Rocket!!!! If you need help breaking down that frigging pedestal, let me know...I'm ready with my hammer and crowbar..... polywog
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