fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 Hi Everyone, I'm new and would really appreciate some sound advice. I met "D" nearly 3 weeks ago at a bar. On our first 2 dates, he didn't lay a finger on me. Our 3rd date took place in his apt. watching movies, well one thing led to another and we went as far as oral sex. I do feel a bit uncomfortable now, like I went too far too soon. I didn't hear from him the next day so 2 days later I emailed him and we had a nice chat. He called that night at 9:00pm to see if I wanted to do something, but I wasn't in. Sorry for rambling, my questions are: 1) Do you think he's decided that I'm just a "good for now girl" because of our 3rd date? and 2) Is it a bad sign that, with the exception of our first date, he always asks me out last minute? BTW, we are both 30.
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 I think you went too far, too fast! No kidding the guy thinks of you as a "good for now girl". sorry to be so blunt.
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Posted December 4, 2002 So guys don't really distinguish between oral sex and intercourse? And it was the 3rd date?...I'm totally reaching I know. I just don't want to admit that I may have blown it.
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 well, I think you did blow it. Afterall, you did have oral sex with him. What did you expect?
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Posted December 4, 2002 Actually, only he performed oral. I didn't. Does that make any difference?
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 I don't think that makes a big difference. Why didn't you return the favor? Have you seen him since? Didn't you meet him in a bar? Is this normal behavour for you?
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Posted December 4, 2002 I felt really uncomfortable about how far things had gone so I put a stop to everything mid way through. I did meet him at a bar and this isn't normal behaviour for me, but nobody believes what you say, they look at what you've done.
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 How could you have let things go as far as they did?
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Posted December 4, 2002 This happend on Sunday and no I haven't seen him since. . He did call at 9:00 pm last night to see what I was doing though? I wasn't home so I called him back this morning and he hasn't returned my call yet.
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Posted December 4, 2002 I just got caught up in the moment. I feel sick that I may have blown it with this guy. I really, really like him.
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 I'm not sure but I bet he'll want to have sex with you. I doubt he'll have any real feelings for you. Guys are like that. They see an opportunity and take advantage of it. You let him do what he wanted to do with you. Maybe you should just use him too.
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Posted December 4, 2002 I'm so upset about this. I just like him so much, I couldn't find my self control. Don't some couples have sex within the first 3 dates and go on to have happy relationships?
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 You must really love sex! For me I need to be really sure about the guy before letting it get to the stage you did. It sounds like you haven't been in many relationships. I guess some successful couples do have sex within the first few dates. But, it would seem totally comfortable with both partners wouldn't it? You were uncomfortable and stopped it. That must have given him a strange signal.
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Posted December 4, 2002 Actually, I have had several long term relationships but I can't remember when in the relationship we had sex. You don't think he might respect me for not 'going all the way'? Or am I a horrible tease? He really seemed interested in me? But does this behaviour mean he was only interested in sex?
lostone Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 Instead of analyzing what happened; sit down with him and tell him your feelings on how you thought it went too far too quickly. Also; tell him that you like him. Just my opinion... Whatever happened to just plain Jane honesty these days... The sex thing is between you guys and especially YOU. It should be up to you if you think you went too far too quickly. Good luck
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 Ask yourself this - Why didn't you go all the way with him? Were you just teasing him? Were you both totally naked? - meaning could he have expected sexual intercourse? How was he after?
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Posted December 4, 2002 No we weren't totally naked, he was totally clothed and I had my top on. He was very sweet and cuddly afterwards. But I haven't spoken to him since that night and my fear is that I won't get a chance to let him know how I feel. Or if it will even make a difference.
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 It seems to me that any guy worth something would have called you the very next day. I think you should move on. There's lots of guys out there.
lostone Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 Call him, talk to him, go out of your way to go see him and tell him how you feel. Talk to him the old fashioned way: in person or via telephone. Forget this computer shi**.
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Posted December 4, 2002 Thanks for the advice. I am so totally bummed out now.
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 and, if he really cared how you feel, he would have called right away. No doubt he'll call. Tell you he's crazy about you. Have his way with you and then you'll never hear from him again. I could be wrong. But that's my sense.
lostone Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 Understandably!!! I think you may feel better when you talk to him. At least you can clear the air and tell him how you feel so you can start over or end it...
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 Why do we have to call HIM?? He should be the one who senses that there's something wrong. Don't go grovelling to him. Be strong. You made a mistake and move on!
Author fancybird Posted December 4, 2002 Author Posted December 4, 2002 I'm a bit too nervous to call him & talk about it. I don't want to seem like a desperate stalker. And it might be weird bringing it up 4 days later(or longer if he doesn't call). If he asks me out again, I will most definitly talk to him about it, but I'm worried he won't ask me out again.
KarPar Posted December 4, 2002 Posted December 4, 2002 You really are sounding desperate! Maybe you're in love.
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