Nomad Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 When I work up the nerve to actually try to talk to a girl in a bar or something, and I get over the first hurdle of not getting immediately blown off, I find I have trouble sustaining the conversation. Anything I say sounds forced, or fake, or boring. Ladies: when you meet a guy in a club or somewhere, what do you usually talk about for the duration of the evening? How does he hold your attention? When answering, please don't assume that just because you're social, everyone else is, and say something like "just be yourself" or just "act natural". If I were being "myself", I never would have approached her in the first place. Basically, I'm a "nerdy" kind of guy who's not comfortable with women, and I'm looking for conversation pieces to keep them interested.
Erik Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 Well, I'm not a lady, but the best strategy is to let her do the talking. And - even more important - you doing the listening. Your job is basically to prompt her, and good listening makes for good prompts. Never talk about yourself unless you have to.
Erik Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 Look her in the eyes, stay cool, don't fidget, stay cool, smile a lot, stay cool, touch her a lot (Not there, you jerk!), stay cool, be aware of your body language, stay cool, don't compliment her too much, stay cool, kiss her.
bridget_jones Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 and let him talk about his job, travels, music tastes, whatever, and I respond and ask questions back to show interest. I will talk about myself and try to be funny, but not overshadow the guy, I let him shine. a good conversation starter might sort of be a compliment to the woman, like 'that is a cute top' or 'you have a real European look about you' (a lot of people tell me that, guess it's my bone structure and eyes)...I do eat it up, as it's given as a compliment. Make sure it's not a cheesy compliment, make it genuine. So the woman can respond and take the conversation naturally from there?
nicki Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 Yeah, what Bridget said about making a sincere compliment is good! You can also comment on something in your environment. If you are at a club, comment on the band, etc...It's even better if you can ask an open ended question, like "How did you hear about this band/place, etc?" Then just let the conversation flow from there. If she says it is close to work. Ask her about work. Share something about yourself, too, so it's not an interrogation. Relate things. Find common ground. Build on that. Find out what she thinks about something and why. We love to give our opinions on things. Most guys don't ask about that stuff enough.
monkey00 Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 By all means, if you want to be like every other guy in the bar or better yet be her best friend - by all means be all ears and listen to her. But if you want to get anywhere romantic with her, you're going to need an extra element. Simple tips on conversing: Make eye contact when she or you talk. Its ok to disagree, if you do explain why give your POV. If a girl talks about something you can relate to, say so and explain your personal experience. Key words in her sentences can lead to endless conversation topics. Pick up certain verbs/nouns and rephrase them back to her in a question. Donts: Dont complain about problems in your life or past exes. Dont brag about unnecessary things especially things involving you.
nicki Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 Monkey touches on a good point: Don't be all ears all night. Keep it reciprocal. If you ask a few questions and she has answered, then respond with a head nod and some silence. See if she picks up the ball and asks a question. Make sure you are responding by sharing your own experiences and thoughts that relate to what she has said. Oh, and keep that body language open, casual, comfortable...but do lean in a few times and smile.
Author Nomad Posted March 18, 2007 Author Posted March 18, 2007 Thanks for all of the suggestions. I have a couple of questions to raise: 1) Is it OK to talk about things like politics, current events, etc? I tend to fare poorly at "chit-chat" and fare much better when there's a solid topic to discuss. But I'm afraid of coming across too serious or nerdy (for instance, who would want to discuss, for instance, upcoming Presidential primaries with a guy in a bar on a Saturday night??). 2) Since I do so badly with thinking on my feet, I've decided to pursue the strategy of coming up with things to say before-hand. Do you think something like this would sound "scripted" or "rehearsed"? Thanks again for your feedback.
Erik Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Thanks for all of the suggestions. I have a couple of questions to raise: 1) Is it OK to talk about things like politics, current events, etc? I tend to fare poorly at "chit-chat" and fare much better when there's a solid topic to discuss. But I'm afraid of coming across too serious or nerdy (for instance, who would want to discuss, for instance, upcoming Presidential primaries with a guy in a bar on a Saturday night??). 2) Since I do so badly with thinking on my feet, I've decided to pursue the strategy of coming up with things to say before-hand. Do you think something like this would sound "scripted" or "rehearsed"? Thanks again for your feedback. You can't talk about politics, it bores women and you'll come across nerdy. If politics worked, we'd all be wallowing in hot women. I am tempted to say the same about item 2: it will come across scripted. But if you tend to go completely blank, try this. Read the newspaper and watch the news. Look for chick-stuff and remember what it's about, try to come up with some original observations to feed her. That said, I still think the easiest and best for you would be to listen. I realise that this sounds a bit illogical, because you want to show her what a swell guy you are, but that is exactly what will happen if you just listen. Women don't have the longest attentionspan in the world, so she will quickly forget anything you say to her, she'll only remember the feelings she had during the conversation. For these feelings to be good, make her talk about herself. She'll think you are the most interesting and fascinating guy in the world. Monkeys advice is largely good, but don't try any of the cute stuff with key phrases and such, you don't have the confidence and it will only distract you. And listen, Monkey is wrong on that. You have to let her do the talking. Listening is the easiest way to come across intelligent and deep.
Erik Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Monkeys best points are the two last ones, they are very important.
TheSwordfish Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 1) Is it OK to talk about things like politics, current events, etc? I tend to fare poorly at "chit-chat" and fare much better when there's a solid topic to discuss. But I'm afraid of coming across too serious or nerdy (for instance, who would want to discuss, for instance, upcoming Presidential primaries with a guy in a bar on a Saturday night??). Sollid topics, and politics? Screw them! Chitchat, converstaion about nonsubjects and gossip, are way more fun If you start about politics most girls will run.
monkey00 Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Monkeys advice is largely good, but don't try any of the cute stuff with key phrases and such, you don't have the confidence and it will only distract you. And listen, Monkey is wrong on that. You have to let her do the talking. Listening is the easiest way to come across intelligent and deep. Erik i disagree that you disagreed. Hearing is one thing, but listening is a more advanced matter. If this guy doesnt have the confidence to think of conversation starters, it's all the more reason to pick up subtle key words and reflect them back to her. Listening/conversing is a 2 way street - If all you're going to do is nod your head and say "i see"....girls will honestly be wondering if he's really listening or a mindless zombie. The only way anyone will know if you're truly listening is rephrasing back to them what they just said - even if it's to get clarity (because you didnt understand), or if it's to expand and get specific details about the topic she's discussing.
sunshinegirl Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 You can't talk about politics, it bores women Nice generalization. I suppose it depends what kind of woman you want to attract... though I will agree that it's probably not best to put it as the lead item in your conversational banter. Worst date I was ever on: the guy talked nonstop about himself. It was AWFUL and boring as hell. So clearly don't do that (sounds like you're not in danger of that...) I do agree that letting the woman talk, prompting her at various times, is a pretty good way to get her to think you're the sh*t. But be sure to punctuate the conversation with your own experiences, POV, etc. Otherwise you'll likely come across as a complete bore. Myself, I'm attracted to men who ask me questions and who clearly have their own opinions about things. Little else is as hot to me as a guy who will disagree with me (intelligently) about something.
Author Nomad Posted March 18, 2007 Author Posted March 18, 2007 Sollid topics, and politics? Screw them! Chitchat, converstaion about nonsubjects and gossip, are way more fun If you start about politics most girls will run. I agree with that, but like I said in my previous post, I am extremely bad at "chit-chat", and the fact that I don't have much of a life to discuss with them also presents an obstacle. What are some good examples of small talk I could use without sounding too intrusive or prying?
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 1. At a bar or a party, make her laugh and make her feel beautiful but not in a threatening way. 2. If she's a serious girl, don't hesitate to jump into intense meaningful conversations about politics, economics, whatever your mutual interests are. Continue with #1. 3. If she's more into light, flirty conversation, then flirt with her. Continue with #1.
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