silktricks Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Lakeside, I totally agree that the woman was completely and utterly rude, and I'm glad you told her to get lost. Too many people simply don't get the concept of PRIVACY anymore. They take the attitude "If you don't have anything your ashamed of, your life should be an open book". Someday, hopefully before it's too late, people will again find out that privacy, once lost, can never be regained. Stand your ground. Our world needs more people like you.
bridget_jones Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 if a guy I was dating was snooping through my cell phone without my knowledge, I would have asked him to leave immediately, also. It's *common* courtesy. It shocks me that someone of her age (I'm assuming she's over 40) would behave in this manner.
bridget_jones Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 I didn't know this lady well enough to want to begin a sexual relationship. I hadn't attempted to begin one. Having been single since '01, I am cautious, and don't want to mislead ANYONE. I want to be "sure" that there are long term possibilities before becoming intimate with someone. She certainly doesen't know my opinions on the subject in detail, unless... she reads LoveShack and sussed out my ideninty, which is unlikely. the OP had already stated that he wasn't established enough with her to have sex with her, you said he had invited her over for that (sex.)
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Do you bring your dates home to sit around chatting about the weather?
Guest Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 wow. i would've kicked her out too. what she did was/is unacceptable. i have nothing to hide either, but if someone did this to me i would be VERY upset. its a matter of respect people. RESPECT. you dont just go through people's things. its just so unbelievably disrespectful, it's a total violation of privacy. i'm actually floored people do this sort of thing. gross.
bridget_jones Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 just because you have someone over to your house doesn't mean it's to have sex. yes, I have invited dates to come in for a coffee or something with no sex intended. Just like Lakeside.
alphamale Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 just because you have someone over to your house doesn't mean it's to have sex. yes, I have invited dates to come in for a coffee or something with no sex intended. Just like Lakeside. a woman inviting a man into her home after a date usually either implies sex now or a promise of sex later on.
westernxer Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 If this bothers you, then you were right to react the way you did. She shouldn't be doing stuff like that, and she needs to apologize instead of blaming you for being paranoid. This shows she has no conscience. Red flag in my book. RUN!
bridget_jones Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 maybe in your world, not mine. Nothing wrong with inviting a guy to watch a DVD or come in for a Coke. I've never had a problem with guys getting the wrong idea. a woman inviting a man into her home after a date usually either implies sex now or a promise of sex later on.
Craig Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Whether you had anything to hide or not has nothing to do with her violating your right to reasonable privacy and expectation that the security of your cell phone use would not be violated by a near stranger. LakesideDream you did the right thing by asking her to leave and then going no contact with her. The very fact that she would go ballistic and say you were being paranoid and unreasonable, that she was just kidding, etc. shows she doesn't think clearly, has a propensity towards drama, blames the victim and doesn't think of your well being. Some people have said that they wouldn’t have minded if someone looked through their cell phone because they have nothing to hide. Well I have nothing to hide and I would mind if someone I was just getting to know snooped through my cell phone. I’d ask them to leave too and base my decision on the principle that they had no right to violate my privacy. Period. I see nothing but red flags around this woman. Run.
bridget_jones Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 I will admit I did find one thing sort of off-putting about Lakeside...why was it so important to him to change clothes when he got home? I mean he could have stayed in his dress shirt. His date was staying in her same date clothes....he could have had one shirt go to the dry cleaners, no big deal, instead of making her wait for him to change out of his clothes into comfier clothes...yeah, that was a bit strange, he was treating the occasion like it was any ole night he was coming home after work and disregarding the fact that he had a date in his house. But her going through his phone was totally wrong.
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 maybe in your world, not mine. Nothing wrong with inviting a guy to watch a DVD or come in for a Coke. I've never had a problem with guys getting the wrong idea. In my world I would neither go to a man's house or have a man in my house unless I was interested enough to want to bed him. It's ensures that there's no room for misunderstandings. Again, upfront.
pelagicsands Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 , blames the victim and She touched his phone. "Victim" is OTT.
bridget_jones Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 In my world I would neither go to a man's house or have a man in my house unless I was interested enough to want to bed him. It's ensures that there's no room for misunderstandings. Again, upfront. I've never had a problem with misunderstandings like that because I choose men who are similar to me. The guys I date are smart enough to understand that just because I'm inviting them in for a Coke before they drive home late at night, I'm just being nice.
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 I've never had a problem with misunderstandings like that because I choose men who are similar to me. The guys I date are smart enough to understand that just because I'm inviting them in for a Coke before they drive home late at night, I'm just being nice. It's got nothing to do with being smart. It's about raw desire and misinterpretation of actions. Have you never been driven by your desires?
bridget_jones Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 If that happened, I'd tell him I'm not ready yet. It's about communication, hon. Thanks for your concern, though. Like I said, this has never been a problem. The last time it was a third date for us, he lives 45 minutes away and it was late after a show so I said "Would you like to come up for a Coke to help keep you awake for the drive home?" So he knew up front that's why I was inviting him in, to help him stay alert for the drive home. He's a respectable person I knew wasn't going to attack me, I'd gotten to know him. This is getting off topic. This is how I live my life, and it's worked for me, so leave me alone, please.
alphamale Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 In my world I would neither go to a man's house or have a man in my house unless I was interested enough to want to bed him. yeah thats what I meant TBF
bridget_jones Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 the world is made up of differences. Not everyone is alike. Like I said, if the guy did try to advance it to that level, I simply tell him no thanks? and be polite about it?
Mary3 Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Whether you had anything to hide or not has nothing to do with her violating your right to reasonable privacy and expectation that the security of your cell phone use would not be violated by a near stranger. LakesideDream you did the right thing by asking her to leave and then going no contact with her. The very fact that she would go ballistic and say you were being paranoid and unreasonable, that she was just kidding, etc. shows she doesn't think clearly, has a propensity towards drama, blames the victim and doesn't think of your well being. Some people have said that they wouldn’t have minded if someone looked through their cell phone because they have nothing to hide. Well I have nothing to hide and I would mind if someone I was just getting to know snooped through my cell phone. I’d ask them to leave too and base my decision on the principle that they had no right to violate my privacy. Period. I see nothing but red flags around this woman. Run. RUN is right ! I would be beyond pissed if anyone went through my wallet or cell phone. The reason : Its none of their business EVER what each of those contains. The PERSON who went through the cell phone is INSECURE. Get out of my house and out of my life if you think you can mess with my things. Nuff said ...
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 yeah thats what I meant TBF Yes. It's one of those unsaid rules between genders. Etiquette, if you'll have it.
bridget_jones Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 You are way off now, trialbyfire. You are not on my dates. I engage in conversation. I was raised to be polite and with etiquette. To me, etiquette is to respect others' privacy, and going through someone's cell phone while they're in the other room is being very rude, and disrespectful, yet trialbyfire feels this woman did nothing wrong. Inviting someone to have a Coke after a date so they can drive home alert is not rude or disrespectful. Like I said, I know the men I date, and they think I'm charming and wonderful, not breaching any etiquette rules. trialbyfire I think you are very insecure to pick on me like this. I've NEVER been accused of being rude or stringing a guy along or breaching any 'etiquette' rules for having a guy come in for a Coke or to watch a DVD with me. Quite the contrary, men love me. Leave me alone now, please.
alphamale Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Quite the contrary, men love me. this may be so...but do those men make love to you?
bridget_jones Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 I've had men make love to me before, when it is right. I do like to date a man a while and develop a connection and a relationship first.
Author LakesideDream Posted March 18, 2007 Author Posted March 18, 2007 I thought we had agreed to disagree.... Anyways, the crux of the matter is that she must have felt a need to check. I'm also reading between the lines here. I'm guessing he brought her home for a reason... You would be guessing wrong trialbyfire, I didn't "bring her home" she followed me in her own car, after dinner, with her own digital camera. She was having trouble using the features on a Kodak 563, I use a 633 all the time and the units are almost identical. The "tutoring" had been arrainged almost a week in advance. Obviously the woman had a "need to check" that's the point isn't it? Her "need" was move valuable to her than my privacy. In the real "offline" world that's called a lack of respect for others.
Author LakesideDream Posted March 18, 2007 Author Posted March 18, 2007 I will admit I did find one thing sort of off-putting about Lakeside...why was it so important to him to change clothes when he got home? I mean he could have stayed in his dress shirt. His date was staying in her same date clothes....he could have had one shirt go to the dry cleaners, no big deal, instead of making her wait for him to change out of his clothes into comfier clothes...yeah, that was a bit strange, he was treating the occasion like it was any ole night he was coming home after work and disregarding the fact that he had a date in his house. But her going through his phone was totally wrong. Bridgette, I should have explained the "changing". The dinner out was right after work, a business meeting. I excused myself, asking if it was OK to change. I was in an expensive wool suit (winter), I changed into kaiki's and a pullover. She was already in jeans (a nice pair, not grunge). I really try to avoid dirt and cat hair on my good cloths (cat hair = my bud for life, Stan the Wondercat).
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