Guest Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I recently started a new job at a large company with many local branches. During the first week, I was assigned to shadow various employees. I met another employee my last day, and we seemed to hit it off immediately. I am new to the area, and he and I are originally from the same city, so we sort of bonded over our similar backgrounds. I didn't think too much of it, until he started calling me that weekend. He left teasing voicemails for hours until I finally realized that it was him (I didn't give him my phone number). I called him back and we chatted, but it seemed like were having two different conversations...I was quizzing him, asking for advice on how to get throught the training program, and he kept asking personal questions. Now he wants to get together this weekend, in a nearby city, "between some errands he has to run." I'm lost - during that last day at work together, he went into this speech about how much he loves his wife and two daughters, and how he would never do anything to jeopardize their happiness. I don't know what to do - after I get out of the company training program, there's a very good possibility that he'll be my supervisor. Am I just paranoid? Or is he setting me up for something?
casoria99 Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 First of all, please listen to your inner voice. Everything you just wrote is you telling you exactly everything you need to know about the situation. You are PARANOID for a reason! It's the same way a baby knows that they don't want certain people to hold them and scream at the top of their lungs. That's God's voice talking to you and you would be wise to listen. It makes no sense for you to meet him anywhere. Is that apart of your job description? I own a business and work with a lot of men. They don't hit on me but they sometimes belittle me if they think I am single. So I wear a ring. I don't know if you are married or not. But even if you have already told him that you are single, you should make sure that he knows that you are a professional. You don't have to take nonsense. And as far as JOBS are concerned, you should always keep your options open for the next one. Think about what this job can do for you and not what you can do for the job to advance your life.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 It sounds to me like he's fishing for an OW, or at the very least a woman who will flirt with him, pay attention to him and boost his ego. He is making it clear he is after more, and he is also making it clear that he intends to stay married and keep his family. It shouldn't be necessary to say this, but honestly - even if he were single, you do not want to get in a situation like this with a coworker, much less someone who is going to be in direct supervision of you.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 after I get out of the company training program, there's a very good possibility that he'll be my supervisor. Fact that he's married and very well COULD end up being your boss, there's two reasons NOT to get emotionally or physically involved with him. Right now, nothing has happened...You have a choice to walk away and not open that door. I suggest you go read many threads in this section - And then also read threads in the infidelity section so you can see what pain you'll be helping him inflict on his wife and kids - IF you choose to go down that road. Respect yourself, think long term! You could blow a chance a great career for a roll in the hay with him. Think with clear head, not an emotionally charged one...IF you don't, you'll be making a decision that will hurt you in the future and be part of hurting his wife and daughters.
VirtualInsanity Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Fact that he's married and very well COULD end up being your boss, there's two reasons NOT to get emotionally or physically involved with him. Right now, nothing has happened...You have a choice to walk away and not open that door. I suggest you go read many threads in this section - And then also read threads in the infidelity section so you can see what pain you'll be helping him inflict on his wife and kids - IF you choose to go down that road. Respect yourself, think long term! You could blow a chance a great career for a roll in the hay with him. Think with clear head, not an emotionally charged one...IF you don't, you'll be making a decision that will hurt you in the future and be part of hurting his wife and daughters. I agree. Don't persue this man and be part of something that is nothing but destructive.
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 If you must indulge, which I firmly disagree with, keep it out of the workplace. Shut him down but nicely. Do not respond flirtatiously.
enoughisenough Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 The speech about his wife and kids is making it clear that he is not looking for anything serious. He wants to use you merely as his sexual toy when he feels like it. Apparently he sees you as a cheap tramp. Is that what you want?
woe_is_me Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Am I just paranoid? Or is he setting me up for something? NO you're not being paranoid and YES he is setting you up for something (that being sex). forget him ..seriously.
puddleofmud Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 Follow your instincts: this is EXACTLY what married serial cheaters "do". They "fish" and he is probably fishing with other women in the (albeit future) work place as well as you until he find someone who thinks his advances "charming" and feels that he is singling her as "special". Don't indulge the sexual innuendo because he will see you as nothing but "bait"--especially considering his supervisorary position. What he is doing is marginal sexual harassment. Either you nip it in the bud or it will get worse. Defect his ridiculous advances by changing the subject, never talking about personal issues and sticking with work issues ONLY. And NEVER have "lunch" or anything else outside work with him. Should things become more evident, document his advances for future reference. He is slime! Using his position to communicate and bait for OW! Wait until you are actually in the position of him being "supervisor" and then observe what happens! Sadly, he will have "hooked" someone--just don't allow it to be YOU!
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