spinback Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 Hi, I've spent the last 2 and a half months getting over my first love. It's been hard, but thanks to the help from people here and NC, I'm feeling so much better. Recently, I've heard that she's been contacting my friends and asking about me (whether I'm online, what I've been doing, whether I've been sleeping around etc). She's asked them to tell me to unblock her online because she really wants to talk. Apparently she's also been going through a rough time family-wise. What do I do? I blocked her explicitly because I didn't want to get hung up on her every time we spoke. If we speak, I don't know whether that'll happen. I don't think it will, but is it worth the risk? Obviously I do still care about her and hate to think that she is unhappy, so if I could help in any way I thought I probably should. I just thought she'd have completely forgotten about me now. What do others think? Thanks for reading.
jusified Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I dont like communication online because I think it's inpersonal. If she really wants to contact you then she needs o mke physical contact. If she does really have an emergency family poblem then its up to you. How did she treat you? Do you still want to be part of her life? Te fact is, she has friends and stuff to help her through all that. If she wants you to be there for her then she needs to make hat know to you herself and then its up to you to decide what to do.
Author spinback Posted March 17, 2007 Author Posted March 17, 2007 I do agree, but because we're both at different universities at the moment, meeting in person is out of the question for the time being. I broke up with her specifically because I didn't think she'd been treating me well at all. I won't go into details, but my friends and family thought the same. Whether I could ever be a part of her life is an unanswerable question at the moment; I have no idea whether I would find friendship too difficult or not. The only reason I'm considering talking to her is because of the trouble she's had with her family (assuming that's actually true, which for certain reasons think it will be), and regardless of how she treated me, I care for her still. Like you said though, I'm a little confused as to why she wants to speak to me specifically. She does have friends she can turn to.
mav100 Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I agree with Justified. If she wants to talk - it shouldn't be via IM, and she shouldn't be asking your friends to tell you to unblock her. If you are a long distance apart, then quite simply - I'm sure she has a phone, she should learn how to use it. Don't contact her or change anything you've done. Let her reach out - only then will you know it's important to her.
Auqakuh Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 It's quite possible she wants to talk to you because when she was with you, her life felt in some way more "normal". If she can touch base with you, an ex, she can feel a little more grounded. It's normal to get the urge to contact old partners in times of trouble, especially if -your- life (not necessarily theirs or your effect on them!) was humming along quite nicely. If that's obviously not it, I'm entirely wrong and don't listen to me. Of course it can also be that less savoury of things - wanting to see for yourself whether your ex is doing better or worse without you... and hoping it's worse. Just so they're in the same place you are, basically. Also normal, but sucks.
thatmatt Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 spinback, my story is very close to yours. I too was treated badly, it was my first love, my friends and family and several other people felt I did the right thing by ending it. it's been almost 3 months. I think you have to be careful, because you do still have feelings for her, and I think that her being your first love, those feelings are strong, and will probably always be there. Just be careful that if you do decide to reach out to her, that it won't set you back to square one, which you've spent 2.5 months getting past, and her being your first love I think that is very possible. Everyone has had excellent points, I agree with just being patient and if she really wants to talk to you she'll make the effort. good luck!
taylor Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 She just wants to see if she still has control over you. Don't unblock her. That will send her the message loud and clear that you control your life, not her. I agree with the other posters. Let her prove to you she wants you back. Let her go out of her way, not the other way around. If she does want you, she will have to do so much more...
Erik Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 Listen to thatmatt. Also, consider that she broke up with you once, she'll probably do it again, you are both the same persons. I'd say your ex may feel regret of some kind, but mistake it for something else. Watch out for yourself, keep your feelings under control.
ibitealil Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 It appeared to me that ex usually rises up at the time when u actually starting to feel better about ur life as if s/he want to confirm that s/he still has control over u. So, please be careful, think about urself at first, How did she make u feel before.(if u already decided to move on with ur life) And communicating on messenger with a person u have feelings always messes up things. So keep her unblocked and talk to her physically if u really have to talk to her.
Author spinback Posted March 18, 2007 Author Posted March 18, 2007 Thanks for the replies. I think I'll do as you all suggest. If she is just trying to find out whether I'm still on the hook, then this would not be out of character for her -- she has done that before, just through different means. I know I'm not completely over her yet, so I suppose any kind of contact could be dangerous -- especially it was me who facilitated it online. She has my mobile number and my email address, so she could contact me if she really wanted to. Bloody typical something like this would happen as soon as I begin to feel like better though. Argh. Anyway. If there are any more developments I'll post back, I'll probably need the advice. Thanks again.
norajane Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 It's not your job to help her as she's going through her family issues. She has friends for that. I don't know why you'd want to be all helpful to her when you broke up because you weren't happy with how she was treating you. If she can't treat you well, then she can't expect you to be there for her, and to jump to her bidding when she sends it through the grapevine that she wants YOU to unblock her.
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