Moongoddess Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I have been dating my current bf for about 9 months now. We discuss our future together on a regular basis. I feel frustrated sometimes, he is at a different stage in life than me. (He is one year older than me) He is ready to settle down and get married--he has a career, investments, a car etc...whereas, I am still figuring out where my life is headed. I might take a post diploma course in HR for 2 years, which means I will not be earning or saving money! Is it wrong for me to feel these inadequacies? I love him and I do want to eventually marry him (if all goes well) however, I feel like I have to plan my life around us? For instance, I feel that instead of furthering my education for another two years, I should start working to save up for an apartment and our future. What should I do?? I'm just afraid that I will lose him because we are at different "stages". Comments and suggestions are much appreciated! Thanks!!
kribby Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I have been dating my current bf for about 9 months now. We discuss our future together on a regular basis. I feel frustrated sometimes, he is at a different stage in life than me. (He is one year older than me) He is ready to settle down and get married--he has a career, investments, a car etc...whereas, I am still figuring out where my life is headed. I might take a post diploma course in HR for 2 years, which means I will not be earning or saving money! Is it wrong for me to feel these inadequacies? I love him and I do want to eventually marry him (if all goes well) however, I feel like I have to plan my life around us? For instance, I feel that instead of furthering my education for another two years, I should start working to save up for an apartment and our future. What should I do?? I'm just afraid that I will lose him because we are at different "stages". Comments and suggestions are much appreciated! Thanks!! hey-- I think you need to 1. Talk to your bf about this. I am sure he has advice to offer-- and I am sure he is thinking about it all as well. 2. Make a list-- do some goal setting and get it straight in your head where you are heading and what it is you want 3. Get him to do the same thing I bet you once you know or have a vague (specific) idea as to what you want financial wise, career wise, relationship wise and all that you won't feel so much that you are at a different life stage than your bf. And furthermore, it doesnt' really seem that you are at different stages-- rather he set aside an hour a few years ago and made some goals and then started working towards them. You need to do that too! Then you will feel far more confident in your relationship and in your 'life stage' you won't feel as if you are bumming around rather that you are working towards something. It is like someone in college- it may seem they are bumming around but in actuality they (well most) are working towards a definite goal. Also, I am serious about this-- if he is a loving, caring and all that type of guy he will be a wonderful support as you work this all out. You are not at different stages-- you are just lagging a little. (sorry, not trying to hurt your feelings-- just being honest). Don't even consider letting your feelings of inadequacy color how you treat him and your stable relationship. That would be madness! Dating a guy with a stable life and a good head on his shoulders is an awesome thing! But hey-- being that person is even better!!!! I went through something quite similar to you-- and after doing the goal setting and getting my s*** together -- it was all just awesome. Now I am the chick with the career, investments, car, house and all that. My ex- was a great support (not financial but otherwise, you know). Hopefully it will all work out for you!!!!
Tony T Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 Don't change your life, your goals or you (yourself) for another person. Relationships are meant to supplement the YOU that YOU enjoy being with. If another person doesn't blend in well with your plans, get rid of them. You will regret it later if you don't. If your boyfriend loves you, he will be glad to see you through the completion of school and whatever else you want to do. The two of you are NOT in two places in life. Life doesn't have any places. Life is very fluid and it just goes wherever it will. Stop the rigid thinking, relax, enjoy life and do what kribby advised above, talk to your boyfriend. Stop thinking so much. You really don't have a problem here. You have a very long life ahead of you...do what you need to do now. Do what you need to do later, as well. Now, go and ENJOY this day!!! You' never get it again.
Author Moongoddess Posted March 17, 2007 Author Posted March 17, 2007 Thanks for your replies Kirbby and Tony. Kribby you are right. I need to talk to talk to him! The goals idea is great. Yah, he did set aside sometime and plan out his life. Now it's time for me to do the same! For some reason I kept thinking more about "us" and less about me, for no reason. I will talk with him tonight and see what his thoughts are. That's true if he loves me he will support my decisions! (I'm sure he will, I guess I was overreacting and being a crazy lady for a bit) Thanks for opening my eyes up!!!
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