beangirl46 Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 A guy who I met 3 times told me that I'm a fantasy of his-- that he fantasizes about me all the time. He says he thinks I'm so incredibly hot, etc. He said he's never been with a girl as hot as me. However, he says that he could never think of me in a romantic way. He says that I am "just a friend he wants to ****." He has also said that I'm "intimidating" and has asked me "has anyone ever said no to you?" I am really flattered that he thinks I'm so hot, but I feel like he holds it against me. Somehow being hot in his eyes seems to make me less of a romantic prospect. Also, he thinks I'm full of romance and feelings for him (which is partly true), and I think he feels the need to bring me down to earth and remind me to keep my expectations low/not think of him romantically so early on. I like this guy a lot, and was wondering if there is any way he could think of me in a romantic way, even though he says he couldn't. Should I hold on to a hope that he might come to see me romantically, or should I take him at face value when he says I could only ever be a ****able friend? I don't understand why, if he thinks I'm attractive and wants to have sex with me, and if he think I'd make a good friend, why we can't also then be romantic.
Trialbyfire Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 This guy might not be ready to settle down with anyone yet, still wanting to play the field. Men tend to categorize a bit much sometimes. Some women are beddable, others the type they bring home to meet Mom and Dad.
Author beangirl46 Posted March 17, 2007 Author Posted March 17, 2007 Interesting-- I think you're right about men categorizing a bit much. While he thinks I'm "hot," he also thinks I'm a "good girl" (he used those exact words). I haven't ever had sex, and he knows that. I've also left him with the impression that I'm holding out for someone who will commit to me. He also thinks I'm inexperienced and that I've "never had my heart broken." Might those things put me in the romantic, "bring home to mom and dad" category? If I am both "hot and provocative" and a "good girl" at the same time, can I win him romantically? Or will that confusion of categories just confuse him?
bridget_jones Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I wouldn't hang out with him anymore, find a guy who respects you. This one doesn't.
Erik Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I agree with Bridget on this one, he sounds like a creep or a player.
bridget_jones Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 What I believe he is saying is he doesn't want you to get attached romantically but he does want to have sex. If he were a great friend he would say "You are my beautiful friend." The way he is wording it is he is flattered that you are attracted to him but he would never take it past a purely sexual relationship with you. However he doesn't want to hurt you, but if he does get you in bed he can say 'Hey, I warned you about me. I told you I liked you only as a f**kable friend.' I don't know, see, I'd be insulted because to me I would read what he is saying is that I am gorgeous and hot but no substance beyond that which is why he wouldn't pursue a relationship with me but just would, as Trialbyfire said, bed me. I guess if you can handle a fling or one night stand, you can do it but I think he has worded this in a very disrespectful way, sort of a backhanded compliment to you and you deserve better.
Author beangirl46 Posted March 17, 2007 Author Posted March 17, 2007 Do these additional facts change your opinion at all?: He and I made out on the second date. The day after, he kept calling, texting and emailing, saying he couldn't stop thinking about me, asking if we were ever going to see each other again, and even wrote a poem for me. He wanted me to come over again soon. When I refused and told him I really like him, he said okay, he's going to try to curb his fantasies of me and he'll meet me next week. When we met the next week, he was on his best behavior, trying to engage me in discussion and being completely platonic. I wanted to kiss him and make out, which made him feel confused and uncomfortable (although he began to agree towards the end). I wanted him to take me back to his place. He refused, saying he had purposely kept his place messy to keep himself from being tempted to bring me back again. But he said he'd give me a goodnight kiss, and even took his cock out of his pants in his car (haha). We talked about many things. Among them was the idea of him just seeing me as a "****able friend." I still wanted to kiss him. He said "why? why would you want to when I'm being such a jerk?" I wanted to kiss him because I'm extremely flattered he thinks I'm so hot, and because I like him. He says he is looking forward to our friendship, but he didn't say yes to another date. I wonder how sincere he is about being friends with me. Will he really be friends with me and hang out with me as friends, or is he not really intereted in that? And will it be acceptable to me if he goes on other dates (he says he goes on set-ups but doesn't hook up, just talks and flirts), while being friends with me? I'm going on here because I have a massive crush on him. However, I won't be able to abandon my morals for him, and I hope so much he'll be moral so I can continue crushin'.
bridget_jones Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 he doesn't want a relationship with you. Also if guy pulled his c**k out of his pants when he was giving you a goodnight kiss in the car...that is not polite behavior, he is a jerk. It's not something to "ha ha" about. Seriously, everything about this guy screams "creep." But you have an opportunity to sleep with him if you want to. You said he didn't say 'yes' to another date....it appears you are being to available to him by asking him out. You are too 'gettable' to him, that could be part of it. If he was interested, he would be asking YOU out. So...all you can do is see if he calls. But even if he does, I think he's a creepy dude, especially for pulling out his thing while giving you a goodnight kiss, that is just outright disrespectful. He has no respect for you! also...I'm sure he finds you very attractive, but guys will over say those compliments when they are not sincere. He said you were the hottest woman he has ever gone out with, so hot, etc. etc. he's laying it on really thick and I find that skeptical as well.
taylor Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 OK, I am confused. I do not understand this whole concept of "a friend he can ****." Friends go to the mall, go for ice cream, go for a run, watch movies together, go bowling. They don't have sex together. You don't want to be his "friend." You have a crush on him and you want to have sex with him. He doesn't want to be your "friend." He wants sex. When he says he wants to be "friends" what he really means is he doesn't want a relationship with you. You don't mean enough to him. He wants no strings attached. So, what he really sees is a hot girl who means nothing to him but who he wants to have sex with but with no strings attached. If that's what you want, too, go for it. But if you want a relationship , you aren't going to get one from this guy. And if you have real feelings for him, you are setting yourself up to get hurt. To him you are just a sex object and the fact that you are making yourself so available to him is playing right into his hands literally. You can get sex from him if that's what you really want, but don't expect anything more. I just wonder how you will feel about yourself after you do have sex with him (once, twice, three times, etc...) and then he walks away after he has gotten his fill of you to pursue the next hottie who crosses his path. Don't be naive. He will use you, then lose you. There is nothing flattering about that.
VirtualInsanity Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 I agree with Bridget on this one, he sounds like a creep or a player. I agree too.
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