sweetbutcheeky Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 At what point are you two exclusive? Is there an "exclusive" conversation you must have, or at some point is it just assumed? That is what I have been wondering. I have been dating a great guy now for 9 weeks and I personally have thought about what I want in a man and if he fits those thing and he does (wondering if he is thinking the same). But I'm not sure about the whole transition, and if there is a "exclusive" conversation if it's best for him to bring it up or myself. (or if it matters, I know there arn't rules everyone is different) Would love some input! Thanks!
Trialbyfire Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Although there is a natural transition, I would have the discussion regardless. If you aren't comfortable with asking him to be exclusive, you can broach it in the way that begins: "I really care about you and enjoy being with you. Because of this, I'm not seeing anyone else. How do you feel about me?".
Art_Critic Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Is there an "exclusive" conversation you must have, I always make sure that the conversation happens.. that way both people are on the same page and nobody gets their feelings hurt because of a miscommunication. Everybody has there own rules/feelings about being exclusive and it varies with every relationship so to assume would be making a critical error.
amaysngrace Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I don't know, call me old-fashioned, but I leave it up to the guy to bring it up. I'm not sure why I appointed the men to make this decision, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I can't sleep with more than one guy at a time. So for me the decision has already been made for me on my end of it.
LoveLace Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I agree a conversation should take place to establish exclusiveness. I don't see anything wrong with being the one to bring it up. Men aren't as good about that sord of thing as woman are. I think what Trialbyfire told you to say would be perfect.
amaysngrace Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I don't see anything wrong with being the one to bring it up. Men aren't as good about that sord of thing as woman are. I disagree. I believe men like to feel in control of the tempo of the relationship. Otherwise some men may feel pressured and freak out. JMO.
LoveLace Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Yes men like to feel in control, I just meant that "talking" about emotions/feelings/ relationships is not normally something they do on their own...it usually takes for the woman to bring it up and get him to talk about it...not always but a lot of times...
Trialbyfire Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 If a guy is going to freak out after 9 weeks of going out, he's probably not your best bet for a long-term relationship.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 I agree with a little of each. I think that guys do like to feel in control of the relationship, but they arn't as good about bring it up and talking about feelings. (also don't think about it in every detail like a woman) Personally I would like it to be him to bring it up because then in my heart I know it came from him and was in his thoughts. VS in my head knowing 100% he wants he same but something is missing cause I brought it up, didn't come from him. The way we are together and the way he acts (alone and in public) already feels like we are so my gut wonders if he assumes we already are. But I don't want to assume that he thinks that! LOL But bringing it up is scary and I still want him to. Though if for example he is assuming he wouldn't bring up the conversation. So how long do you wait to bring up the conversation yourself? Thanks
Am4Real Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Although there is a natural transition, I would have the discussion regardless. If you aren't comfortable with asking him to be exclusive, you can broach it in the way that begins: "I really care about you and enjoy being with you. Because of this, I'm not seeing anyone else. How do you feel about me?". I agree with TBF in that nine weeks of dating is a sign of genuine inteterest. If there is something else going on the gentle questioning "above" would provoke an indicator of some kind. As a man after nine weeks i would not find the question offensive or a challange to any control issues. Am4Real
LoveLace Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Can't put a time line on that. It's up to you. For example you could say you'll give him another month to say something about it, if he doesn't, then you should. That's just an example I"m not saying to do that. But your dying to know right now so you might as well get the cards on the table for your benefit. Waiting for him to go first is the same thing as doing what's convenient for him which is ok but you must think about yourself as well. You want to know so you have the right to know. It is always nicer when men do things first, but it just doesn't always happen that way, plain and simple.
amaysngrace Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Can't put a time line on that. It's up to you. It is always nicer when men do things first, but it just doesn't always happen that way, plain and simple. I agree. I had said earlier that I'd wait for him but there are two people in the relationship and you have a right to know what's up too, like LL said. I changed my mind. Just ask him like TBF suggested. I think that sounds perfect.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 For example you could say you'll give him another month to say something about it, if he doesn't, then you should. That's just an example I"m not saying to do that. For now I'm not dying to know, I would like to know but seeing him makes me happy and seeing how he shows his interest and affect more each time is great for now. Obviously since that is happening it's going through my head. Actually your example is what I have been thinking. I was thinking that I would see if I can go to 3 months and then by then if he hadn't I would bring it up. Say something like we have been dating for a little while now and since I like you and care about you I haven't been dating anyone else and ask him how feels about only seeing each other and becoming a couple. I'm not dating anyone else, haven't since we met. (mainly no reason to because he is the first real man / quality man that I have met in a long time and haven't met any real men since) He calls me all he time and tells me what he does in his day so there really isn't time in there to date anymore else. (also his house mate told me that he wasn't dating anyone else and don't think he could afford $ to date anyone else lol) Thanks
Am4Real Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 If you're already playing mind games at nine weeks about when things are best to be brought up and wondering what he/she is thinking you're already in trouble. If it feels right to ask or if it feels right for you then just gracefully pose the damn question. For crying out loud, don't make it more complicated than it needs to be by second guessing what is going on...
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 If you're already playing mind games at nine weeks about when things are best to be brought up and wondering what he/she is thinking you're already in trouble. If it feels right to ask or if it feels right for you then just gracefully pose the damn question. For crying out loud, don't make it more complicated than it needs to be by second guessing what is going on... Excuse me? How is waiting for 3 months playing games? Just waiting a little longer to see if it comes up naturally in a situation or conversation? Why wouldn't I be wondering what he is thinking? I think I know some things, other things I don't. Is part of the excitement of a new relationship. Second guessing?
Art_Critic Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I'm of the type that believes once I have sex with a woman that I'm exclusive.. I've been thru my ONS days and as someone in their 40's I spend enough time dating and getting to know a woman first before sex to know that the relationship is already on its way by the time sex happens. I wouldn't expect her to be exclusive just because we had sex but I would become exclusive.. and then given the right timing I would talk about it with her to be sure we are on the same page. I only have sex with one person at a time.. and never overlap relationships
LoveLace Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I say if you are perfectly happy to wait 3 months, then go for it. Just enjoy the relationship between now and then, as you were already saying. You never know what he might do in those 3 months. And if nothing happens, it doesn't mean it's a bad thing, just bring it up then. Besides, they say that men can take a while to "catch up" to us as far as feelings go...they don't feel things at the same time and pace.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 I say if you are perfectly happy to wait 3 months, then go for it. Just enjoy the relationship between now and then, as you were already saying. You never know what he might do in those 3 months. And if nothing happens, it doesn't mean it's a bad thing, just bring it up then. Besides, they say that men can take a while to "catch up" to us as far as feelings go...they don't feel things at the same time and pace. Yes I can wait until we have been dating for 3 months, is only 3 weeks and I'm not in a rush and enjoying our time together. (not sure if you thought i meant waiting for 3 more months or until we have been dating for 3 months) As in my first post I was just curious about what people thought since as great as finding someone you want to date, what happens next in the transition. What to do is hard to know so it is nice to have other opinions. (which is why there are forums like these! lol) Thanks everyone.
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