Guest Y Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 How long after a LTR do you think its normal to start dating again? To those of you who have was it weird going out with someone new? Did you compare them to your ex? Was it to get over your ex?
Aloros Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 It varies. Basically, whenever you feel you are over your ex and ready to move on. I dated my ex for 5.5 years. We broke up once, got back together, and the last time we broke up I was ready for it to be over. I started dating someone else about a month after we broke up. I was hesitant, at first, since I'd just gotten out of a LTR, and I didn't want to do the rebound thing. My new guy had to ask me out 3 times before I said yes. But I did, and I'm glad I did. I had no feelings left for my ex, and quite clearly knew that it would never work out. I've been with my current bf now for eight months and have no regrets. He's amazing. I do find myself comparing him to the ex sometimes, but in a "Wow! What was I missing?" kind of way. Just a note, however. Dating someone so soon after breaking up a LTR is not conducive to retaining a friendship with the ex. My ex and I had a friendly relationship until I started dating my current bf. Now he doesn't want me showing up at the restaurant he works at, doesn't want to speak with me, refuses to be at the same place at the same time (this makes things difficult for our many mutual friends), etc. And that's after nine months of him being out of my life. I'm hoping he gets a gf who he's happier with (we fought a lot!) and comes to his senses.
oppath Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 There is a difference between dating and getting into a relationship. You should not get into a relationship if you don't feel whole as a person with few lingering feelings for your ex. Dating is different. At some point, I feel you need to intentionally put yourself out there following a break up, but it's ok to give yourself several months of grieving too. I only had a 6 month relationship, and am not quite 2.5 months out of it, and I still struggle. I feel I am ready to casually date but have some depression issues unrelated to my ex and it is therefore harder to sustain a flirtatious demeanor. Like Aloros's ex, I can't be around her right now. I can't. I feel that once I start dating, and find someone I like, I'll be able to cope, but I'm not there yet. I wish I were. The bridge between us has actually been severely burned -- she set fire -- I demolished it, and I've tried to make amends for the sake of mutual friends, but it basically backfired. For me a few dates would go a long way towards rebuilding my esteem! But I must be patient in getting to that point, making sure I attract people I actually find enjoyable, rather than dating just to date.
Kali Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I can only say for myself but it was around two months. At first I felt free and was eager to get out there, but it soon felt weird. So I laid low for a while.
AHIWON Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I'm not ready to date yet but was thinking of practicing hitting on women just to get phone numbers. Would help me AMP it up a bit. I'd never call the women, just practice the initial contact. Hit on hotter and hotter women till you can tease a 9 and a 10.
taylor Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 I agree with oppath. There is a difference between dating and getting into a relationship following a LTR. I can't really speak for myself. I've only been in one relationship and it only lasted 5 months. But my ex-boyfriend was in a 5-year relationship with a girl he planned to marry. He started dating me 2.5 years after their break-up. He broke up with me to try to rekindle his relationship with her again. I later found out that he has been jumping in and out of fast relationships with girls for two years, professing love and talking about "the future" with a good number of them, including me. He has left a trail of broken hearts from these rebound relationships. He eventually admitted to me (about 4 months post breakup) that he needs to keep dating, dating, dating to get over his LTR. He thinks it will take him another 2 years!!!! The problem is he doesn't just date, he jumps into relationships and rushes them to a level too serious for him to handle, then he bails out. These relationship don't "help" him. They just confuse him and make him feel guilty. Each one lowers his self-esteem because every time one fails, he feels like more of a failure - like he can't get it right. I say there is no harm in just dating. As long as you feel comfortable to be back in the dating scene. There is no hurry. Take baby steps. Keep it light and casual. Dating like this can do a lot to boost your self-esteem which may have taken a hit following the breakup. And dating with no pressures or expectations can be a lot of fun. But, please don't jump into a relationship with anyone until you know you are over your ex. No one wants the role of "fixing" you - comforting you, soothing your pain, boosting your ego. No one wants to carry your baggage. Besides, no one can take the place of your ex until you can completely remove your ex from your heart. Until you can do that, the new girl will always take second place. You will never be able to offer her what she deserves. That is very unfair. And you will continue to feel empty and dissatisfied. If you are dating, take it slow. And if you start to really care for someone, or she starts to care for you, please be honest with her about your feelings for your ex. Don't tell her you are over your ex if you are not. Don't tell her you are ready for a relationship if you really aren't. She deserves to know where she stands and what she is dealing with. And you deserve a chance to have a successful relationship. Go into it with a clean slate and an open heart.
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