Guest Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Hi, I am having A with MM for past 2 years, it started as a non-committed relationship and till today its the same. We used to sms/call, meet each other, have sex and it was all ok. I was okay with his behaviour towards me in the beginning but slowly his selfishness about everything started to irritate me.. like he used to call only when he felt like.. it was more about him him him always, everything started to centre according to him, on his will. So today after suffereing for some months.. I did the inevitable.. I told him how selfish he was, how egoistic he was, and how he spoke/call/sms to me only when he felt like.. I also told him that he didnt take me seriously ever (I am 25, he is 40) as I wasnt his peer, his age and his mental level. I told him everything which I always felt from his behaviour. even things like he is selfish, his behaviour with me very erratic which shows he doesnt respect me, doesnt even like me. he kept saying 'its not true, its your imagination' and things like that. This happened over lunch and in the end when we were leaving he said 'i will think about what all you have said and will get back to you'. what does this mean?????????? I want to know whether after hearing all this he will surely end the A with me, no? Can you guess what he will do next... any speculations... After this lunch I havent heard from him for about 2 days now..
Izzar Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Guest, Don't wait for his decision. YOU make it. Do you wanna stay in this situation?
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 You're just a pup! Why are you wasting your life on some older married guy who isn't really as into you as you are into him! He hasn't called you in 2 days because the affair is on HIS terms, not yours. Please, really consider taking control and you tell him 'I don't want to be in this affair anymore. I need to move on and start my life with someone else." It may hurt you, but you'll recover just fine. Think long term...Don't you want your own family and kids one day? If you stick with him, you'll miss out on so much in life...
overandout Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Hi, I am having A with MM for past 2 years, it started as a non-committed relationship and till today its the same. We used to sms/call, meet each other, have sex and it was all ok. I was okay with his behaviour towards me in the beginning but slowly his selfishness about everything started to irritate me.. like he used to call only when he felt like.. it was more about him him him always, everything started to centre according to him, on his will. So today after suffereing for some months.. I did the inevitable.. I told him how selfish he was, how egoistic he was, and how he spoke/call/sms to me only when he felt like.. I also told him that he didnt take me seriously ever (I am 25, he is 40) as I wasnt his peer, his age and his mental level. I told him everything which I always felt from his behaviour. even things like he is selfish, his behaviour with me very erratic which shows he doesnt respect me, doesnt even like me. he kept saying 'its not true, its your imagination' and things like that. This happened over lunch and in the end when we were leaving he said 'i will think about what all you have said and will get back to you'. what does this mean?????????? I want to know whether after hearing all this he will surely end the A with me, no? Can you guess what he will do next... any speculations... After this lunch I havent heard from him for about 2 days now.. Guest, I can identify with this mm. He is selfish and egotistical and probably controlling. He could have said that you were right and that he would make an effort to call more and take into account your feelings, but he didn't. I guess that he didn't like you talking to him about his deficiencies and shortcomings. He thinks he is perfect. I think his behaviour is showing you that he is only concerned about his needs being met. I am guessing that you have sex just about every time that he shows up when he decides he can see you. He is in control and he is showing you that. He may come back and decide that you are getting above your station, and if you are hooked on him, he will call a bit more often but then revert back to his old ways. Just do enough to keep you in the relationship. He may take some time to get back to you, hoping that you will miss him and he can carry on treating you the way he is. He may view this as the begining of the end and you are getting too troublesome with your demands---and that is how he will see them. It is difficult to say what is going through his mind but he clearly has an issue with you speaking your mind or he wouldn't need to think about it. You are in a relationship and he makes it sound like you have made him a business proposition that he has to weigh up. More to the point, it doesn't sound like there is a long term future and so why don't you cut your losses now. To be frank, if he was that involved with you he would be calling you more often, just to hear your voice and connect with you. You know that and that is why oyou are annoyed with him. Sounds to me like he just wants to enhance his marriage with some sex on the side. Sorry to be blunt, but I have been in your position.
Jinxx Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Hard to tell what your MM will do. If he does call -- time to take control of your life and move on. As hard as this may be for you and trust me, I know as I have been there -- don't give him the satisfaction of ending it. You do it. You are only 25. There is someone else out there for you. Don't settle for less.
puddleofmud Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 He is "training" you to behave the way what he wants you to "be". You've spoken what YOU want and his silence is telling you that he isn't going to do it nor does he care about what you want/say/need. He may either wait for you to call and then start manipulating you again (by placating with what you want to hear in order to resume sex) or he may call and do same when he thinks you've "calmed down" and are more submissive. You've well stated what you don't like, thus, what you expect--either stick to it or just go back to where things have been: simply submitting to HIS whims. Two days of silence is probably the least you will see with his control issues--it may get much worse as time goes by. Best Wishes and be careful with yourself!
NoIDidn't Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I disagree with most of what's been posted here, but only because semantics. He may or may not be egotistical. But no one likes to hear negative things about themselves. He might be thinking "I said I was going to call, but what's the point? She hates me anyways." Men are like that. The fragile creatures, they are.
Guest Posted March 18, 2007 Posted March 18, 2007 hey what is wrong with me?? i am the original poster, after waiting for 3 days i couldnt wait more but sent him a message asking 'you didnt get back to me?. he replied immediately saying 'i am chilling and so should you' . what does this mean??? then something more from my side, i know i am stupid. i should not have tried to contact him atleast after reading the posts, speacially from overnout which touched me a lot, but my heart thought in another direction..sorry... i sent him a msg saying 'all that i said wasnt a personal attack on him but my womanly desires which made me say all that'. he didnt reply to this one. there was silence. looks like he isnt interested in this A, but deep down i feel he will come back. now the problem is i have to see him at work (we work on different floors thought). what should i do, i am stuck... how should i react.. please help me..
Izzar Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 If you know that he's only looking out for his needs & not yours, that's your answer. Don't bother with him. He's obviously not worth it. Anyway, he's married.
2sunny Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 don't bother with him - he is obviously a selfish jerk. he doesn't care about you or your feelings at all! when you see him - pretend like he is a distant person you knew a long time ago. no feelings... no emotions whatsoever. he is trying to play you like a fiddle - DO NOT text him again... he is avoiding you on purpose because you are not being a "compliant" gal. now he is worried as to what you will do or not do...
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 20, 2007 Posted March 20, 2007 I told him how selfish he was, how egoistic he was, and how he spoke/call/sms to me only when he felt like.. I also told him that he didnt take me seriously ever (I am 25, he is 40) as I wasnt his peer, his age and his mental level. I told him everything which I always felt from his behaviour. even things like he is selfish, his behaviour with me very erratic which shows he doesnt respect me, doesnt even like me. he kept saying 'its not true, its your imagination' and things like that. This is precisely what a MM doesn't want to hear. It takes all of the "fun" out of the affair, and makes it too much like an actual accountable relationship. MM don't get into affairs to hear this type of stuff.
stillafool Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 hey what is wrong with me?? i am the original poster, after waiting for 3 days i couldnt wait more but sent him a message asking 'you didnt get back to me?. he replied immediately saying 'i am chilling and so should you' . what does this mean??? I think he is saying the two of you need to put some space between you. then something more from my side, i know i am stupid. i should not have tried to contact him atleast after reading the posts, speacially from overnout which touched me a lot, but my heart thought in another direction..sorry... i sent him a msg saying 'all that i said wasnt a personal attack on him but my womanly desires which made me say all that'. he didnt reply to this one. there was silence. looks like he isnt interested in this A, but deep down i feel he will come back. By his non response he is showing that he is only concerned about his feelings. now the problem is i have to see him at work (we work on different floors thought). what should i do, i am stuck... how should i react.. please help me.. You should stay on your floor and avoid him. Start going out with friends your own age and enjoy the single life while you can. Wouldn't it be awful if you ended up being this guy's OW for the next five years and wasting all your youth on his old a$$. Your 20's go fast, don't give them to him he isn't worth it.
Erik Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 Flee! He is playing you. You say you are non-committed, but your post tells me you care a little too much about what he thinks, and your behaviour with the txt only confirms this. You are caught in an emotional trap, you will pursue his love, while he will take advantage of this and only use you for sex. Chilling you is a very common strategy for both men and women, it is meant to make you the supplicant, feeding your emotional dependency, and it worked for him, didn't it? Don't talk to him at work, if he approaches you, be as curt as you can, tell him you are no longer interested. If he approaches you again, muster anger and scorn, tell him in no uncertain terms that you have already laid down the law, and that not understanding that makes him a jerk. In other words, chill him back. It will provoke him to pursue you, but it is easier to let go of a man that pursues you than of one that you yourself pursue.
Seen_It_All Posted March 21, 2007 Posted March 21, 2007 It's extremely obvious that you're no more than a playtoy to this guy. The 15 year age difference makes that DRASTICALLY clear. This guy is married, probably has a family, and wants it to STAY that way. He's not looking to 'court' you and he's not looking to 'date' you. He's simply looking for sex - not a relationship. And what an ego rush it is for him that he's got a youngster to play with. Makes him look like king stud and it makes you look like a young fool who doesn't know any better. This guy is page #4 out of the MidLife Crisis Catalog. If you're looking for someone to RESPECT you, this low life ain't it. He's in it for the free sex and I'd be willing to bet he's bragging amongst his friends about the young gal he's bagging on the side. So if you're looking for respect or romance, you're looking in the wrong place. You won't get it from a lying cheater whose simply looking to get laid. The last thing I'd do is chase this crud in any way, shape or form. You're just feeding this jerkoff's ego when you do it - and DIMINISHING and DISRESPECTING yourself while you're at it.
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