Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I was reading a debate elsewhere, and this was brought up. Is jealousy ever okay in a relationship? Some said that if you trusted your partner and were secure, you would never need to feel jealous. Another pointed out, that sometimes "trust" was mistaken for "indifference". So, what do you think? Is some degree of jealousy in a relationship okay? (I'm not talking about the controlling/obsessive/possessive kind here) Does it boost your self esteem a bit when your partner shows a bit of jealousy? Or does it simply turn you off?
2sunny Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 i could never deal with a person i am with being jealous... i hate it and all the nastiness that it brings... there is a reason the word LOUSY is part of the word jealousy!
Woggle Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Jealousy means a lack of trust and without trust the relationship will unravel. I trust my wife not to cheat on me and I don't mind her doing whatever she wants and having male friends because if she wants to cheat she will. If she ever cheated I would leave her right there but since that day most likely will not come I will give her 100% of my trust and hopefully she gives me the same.
Dadaal Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Jealousy is a sickness ! trust is very important in a relationship - if you ever find that your BF or spouse is revealing jealousy signs - it is much likely that it'll lead to a disaster. Jealousy turns me off - I hate breathing on my GF's neck all the time because I know if she wanted she would cheat on me.
Author Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 Do think there is an "acceptable level" of jealousy? Or that there are ways to properly deal with it, and no harm come to the relationship?
Salicious Crumb Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I think a little bit of jealousy is normal...just not full blown possessivness jealousy. If your SO isn't ever a wee bit jealous, then you'd think they could care less what you do. In other words, if my SO didn't get a little jealous, to me that would mean they wouldn't care if they were in a relationship with me or not.
Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Some said that if you trusted your partner and were secure' date=' you would never need to feel jealous. [/quote'] It's the other way around. If you never show jealousy, you need never distrust your partner. Jealousy is a wimp-flag, it turns women off. By being jealous you imply the other guy is more desirable than you, and the W will take your word for it. Om the other hand, if you let your woman go with other men without showing jealousy, you tell her you are the more desirable. She'll believe that too.
a4a Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I think a little bit of jealousy is normal...just not full blown possessivness jealousy. If your SO isn't ever a wee bit jealous, then you'd think they could care less what you do. In other words, if my SO didn't get a little jealous, to me that would mean they wouldn't care if they were in a relationship with me or not. I concur. Been there - felt that.
Guest Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I agree with the above poster! My ex boyfriend sabbotaged the relationship because of his EXTREME insecurities/jealousy/controlling behavior. He'd flip out about everything, I could not deal with it! In retrospect, maybe he was jealous because he sort of could tell I didn't have "romantic" feelings for him. We had emotional chemistry but not so much physical... so therefore on my part, because of that and because he was such a jealous person, I had no jealousy for anything he did (he would attempt to make me jealous but it just made me laugh!). With my current boyfriend who I'm absolutely head over heels for, each of us shows jealousy. But NOT extreme jealousy. And it does make me feel good when he shows it! I think it's cute in a way and it can be a way of showing that you care! It's a good feeling to know that we trust each other and jealousy issues will never get out of hand. Like I said in my first paragraph, no jealousy can be a sign that the person simply doesn't care! I know from personal experience! Maybe not all the time, there are always exceptions! But from my experience... there will always be some jealousy in any relationship! =)
JackJack Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 IMO, jealousy is a waste of time. I understand people can't always help how they might feel, but most of the time jealousy comes from within how a person feels about oneself, it can be a lack of self esteem. Life is to short to be jealous or angry all the time, its a waste of energy. JMO.
a4a Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 At times jealousy can be tied to respect as well. Example: a trailer tart came up and put her arm around my H..... actually this would be a year ago tomorrow..... neither of us knew her, never met, saw, or chatted with her. I was sitting next to him she half sat on his chair threw her arm around him. I briefly and bluntly announced " that is my H, and I would appreciate it if you would remove yourself from his seat"....... Now if this was a friend or someone we did not see in awhile....... no problem. But I doubt any of our friends would actually sit on my H or me.... not the kind of friends we have. She was totally disrespectful not only to me but to my H as well. I was not jealous, H made a and shock face when she did this...... he was as shocked as I was.... she appeared to be rode hard and put up wet. but when the shoe is on the other foot..... my does not say a word. Honestly that kinda pisses me off about him.
Author Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 I think a little bit of jealousy is normal...just not full blown possessivness jealousy. If your SO isn't ever a wee bit jealous, then you'd think they could care less what you do. In other words, if my SO didn't get a little jealous, to me that would mean they wouldn't care if they were in a relationship with me or not. There were several comments along those lines. I tend to agree. If a person acts completely oblivious to the fact others are attracted to you/hitting on you....it just seems they don't care very deeply.
Author Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 It's the other way around. If you never show jealousy, you need never distrust your partner. Jealousy is a wimp-flag, it turns women off. By being jealous you imply the other guy is more desirable than you, and the W will take your word for it. Om the other hand, if you let your woman go with other men without showing jealousy, you tell her you are the more desirable. She'll believe that too. I disagree. While "insane" type jealousy is a turn off, a small twinge of it now and again can actually be very seductive. I would never intentionally do something to make a partner jealous, but when they show a bit of it, it's flattering to me. That he cares enough to feel it.
Author Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 At times jealousy can be tied to respect as well. Example: a trailer tart came up and put her arm around my H..... actually this would be a year ago tomorrow..... neither of us knew her, never met, saw, or chatted with her. I was sitting next to him she half sat on his chair threw her arm around him. I briefly and bluntly announced " that is my H, and I would appreciate it if you would remove yourself from his seat"....... Now if this was a friend or someone we did not see in awhile....... no problem. But I doubt any of our friends would actually sit on my H or me.... not the kind of friends we have. She was totally disrespectful not only to me but to my H as well. I was not jealous, H made a and shock face when she did this...... he was as shocked as I was.... she appeared to be rode hard and put up wet. but when the shoe is on the other foot..... my does not say a word. Honestly that kinda pisses me off about him. LOL I completely understand where you are coming from.
Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I disagree. While "insane" type jealousy is a turn off' date=' a small twinge of it now and again can actually be very seductive. I would never intentionally do something to make a partner jealous, but when they show a bit of it, it's flattering to me. That he cares enough to feel it.[/quote'] Perhaps. But to be cynical: it's not about flattering W, it's about flattering yourself, make W desire you. Try to reach inside and remember the feeling you have when you see your H jealous. Tell me he is not diminished just a little bit in your eyes. I'm not asking for an analyses, I'm asking you to explore the gut feeling. (An analyses would tell us, that H is showing strength by admitting jealousy.)
Author Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 Perhaps. But to be cynical: it's not about flattering W, it's about flattering yourself, make W desire you. Try to reach inside and remember the feeling you have when you see your H jealous. Tell me he is not diminished just a little bit in your eyes. I'm not asking for an analyses, I'm asking you to explore the gut feeling. (An analyses would tell us, that H is showing strength by admitting jealousy.) 1. I don't have a H. 2. No, it doesn't diminish him in my eyes at all. As I said, it can be flattering, to know he sees me as someone others want.
Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Feeling flattered, does not exclude diminuition of SO, on the contrary. You are feeling happy about his pain. But whatever works for you, fine.
Author Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 Feeling flattered, does not exclude diminuition of SO, on the contrary. You are feeling happy about his pain. But whatever works for you, fine. I disagree with you, and you want to get insulting? This from the man who, in another thread, suggested games be played in a relationship. Ok. Your opinion has been duly noted and discarded.
Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Sorry if I offended you, but I actually mean it: whatever works is fine by me. Roleplaying work for me.
Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 OK, not happy perhaps, but you are taking pleasure from his jealousy. Is that not a kind of game?
Author Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 OK, not happy perhaps, but you are taking pleasure from his jealousy. Is that not a kind of game? No. If I don't do anything to make him jealous, I am not playing a game. IMO, a small amount of jealousy shown, is his way of saying that he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. So yes, there is a bit of "pleasure" knowing that.
Jinxx Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 there is a reason the word LOUSY is part of the word jealousy! So true! The fact is jealousy is a normal part of human nature. Everyone of us has been jealous of something at one time or another. It is how you handle it that shows your character when the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head.
Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 No. If I don't do anything to make him jealous' date=' I am not playing a game. IMO, a small amount of jealousy shown, is his way of saying that he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. So yes, there is a bit of "pleasure" knowing that.[/quote'] Acknowledged. Not a game as such. But flip it over, you are jealous, how does it make you feel that your jealousy turns your SO on? What I was driving at was the truth/emotion-thing. Is being flattered by your SO's jealousy a good or a bad feeling? If it is good, should we promote jealousy?
Author Kwo-ne'-she Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 Acknowledged. Not a game as such. But flip it over, you are jealous, how does it make you feel that your jealousy turns your SO on? What I was driving at was the truth/emotion-thing. Is being flattered by your SO's jealousy a good or a bad feeling? If it is good, should we promote jealousy? I have been jealous of a SO. When he handled it appropriately, I think it turned out fine. He was flattered, and I was pleased it made him feel good. No, we shouldn't promote it. Too much can be relationship-destroying. But, as I and others have said, a little is not a bad thing.
Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 You are right, of course. I don't why I keep pushing this...
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