kribby Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 You know what is interesting, earlier someone posted something about marriage-- it is interesting to me that people often assume that if the woman makes a choice to abstain, this means she is trying to blackmail someone into marriage-- I don't know about others, but in my case, this is far from true.
Author Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 Quite interesting, if you don't mind me saying so. We only have BF's and GF's - even young people where sex is not yet an issue, will always consider themselves exclusive. If you go with someone else, you go with 'friends'. Maybe times have changed since I was a kid, but it is my impression that a young, non-sex couple would not accept the GF or BF went to, say, the cinema with another guy or girl without chaperones. You DO practice open relationships. Only you discard this beautiful tradition when you start having sex. Hehe, American kids are polygamous!
Author Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 You know what is interesting, earlier someone posted something about marriage-- it is interesting to me that people often assume that if the woman makes a choice to abstain, this means she is trying to blackmail someone into marriage Sounds like me. But that's how it looks from the boy's perspective.
kribby Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Quite interesting, if you don't mind me saying so. We only have BF's and GF's - even young people where sex is not yet an issue, will always consider themselves exclusive. If you go with someone else, you go with 'friends'. Maybe times have changed since I was a kid, but it is my impression that a young, non-sex couple would not accept the GF or BF went to, say, the cinema with another guy or girl without chaperones. You DO practice open relationships. Only you discard this beautiful tradition when you start having sex. Hehe, American kids are polygamous! hmm I guess-- I was just putting the spin of 'open marriage' to your words. Hm. You are right, that is what I have done-- open relationships.
kribby Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Sounds like me. But that's how it looks from the boy's perspective. Pshaw! Ha. That is really not the way it is for me.
Author Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 I believe you. I would not have done so three days ago. And also, I believe American boys will agree with you, most of them anyway. I had a couple of major flame wars on this subject, so I wont start again, but I still reserve my own judgment in the matter.
Author Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 hmm I guess-- I was just putting the spin of 'open marriage' to your words. Hm. You are right, that is what I have done-- open relationships. That was correctly spun, but I spun it back into a more innocent direction in my post on the young people.
DanielMadr Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Ive never heard of exclusivity before I entered loveshack.org I thought that dating means exlusivity until break up. I understand that when dating is in early phase it is OK to have more options. But it ends when they kiss. Certainly the deal is sealed when they have sex. And here I learned it is not so. Even after you had sex with your love one it is (for some people) absolutely OK to going on dates with other people. I dont get it. Im probably more conservative than I thought. I remember arguing with one guy here on loveshack.org. He asked when to ask for exclusivity and I told him he is nuts. He is sleeping with girl which is objectively dating other men. She is one leg out of relationship looking for bigger fish. Such a bloody direspect. And he will please her for exclusivity with him. I mean it is bollocks. I mean she either loves you or she cheats on you. You cant change it by stating you are bloody exclusive. I suspect it is some girls invention (sorry girls) or some insecure guys (sorry you p_ssies).
bridget_jones Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 during the dating stage. When I sleep with a guy, then I make it clear that I consider this an exclusive relationship. If he doesn't want that, we don't sleep together and I continue dating around. You can't put all your eggs in one basket, that is CRAZY. And dating 2 or more guys...well maybe I am making out, heavy petting on the couch....with all of them! (not all at once.) It's all fair until the clothes come off. Then you're my boyfriend.
Author Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 Whoa, Bridget, you're polygamous too!! ''You can't put all your eggs in one basket, that is CRAZY'' WHAT BEHOLDS MY LYING EYES!!!! Hey, you'd fit right into the hottest part of downtown Copenhagen! :D:D
Author Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 II thought that dating means exlusivity until break up. I understand that when dating is in early phase it is OK to have more options. But it ends when they kiss. Certainly the deal is sealed when they have sex. And here I learned it is not so. Even after you had sex with your love one it is (for some people) absolutely OK to going on dates with other people. Is this correct!?!? You can have sexual relationships with several guys and everything is OK because you are not exclusive???
DanielMadr Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 You can't put all your eggs in one basket, that is CRAZY. And dating 2 or more guys...well maybe I am making out, heavy petting on the couch....with all of them! (not all at once.) It's all fair until the clothes come off. Then you're my boyfriend. Oh good Lord. Im really shocked. I thought Im pretty conservative to have real interest in one girl only. When I start to "heavy petting" I do it without thinking..'Oh Ill have another date with that other girl tomorrow, hope Ill get some sleep.' When a girl shows interest in me eg. kissing. I forget the others I might have phone numbers on. Is it bad policy? Yeah sure. But I cant date someone I dont like. And when I like her I dont disrespect her by fooling with other girls only because it shouldnt go right with her. Is it wise? NO. But integrity sometimes seems unwise. It is clear to me that you are dating guys you dont really like....so the open doors. btw kissing is maybe more intimate than sex. Prostitutes dont kiss their clients. Or maybe it is a myth too. Im naive religious conservative freak.
DanielMadr Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Is this correct!?!? You can have sexual relationships with several guys and everything is OK because you are not exclusive??? Dont ask me. I dont know anything about this bullshyt. I think it was invented for girls to save face when cheating. They date boys they dont love so they are seeing other guys, eventually sleep with them and when caught....'We are not exclusive honey'. It could be invented for boys too but we both know there is like 2% of all guys who are in so high demand like any plain Jane. I mean guys cheat but when they are bored in relationship eg. later...in marriage. So it is no good for them.
bridget_jones Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 it is totally possible to like two men at once and be dating them simultaneously. If I'm not sleeping with both of them, then all is fair. Stop comparing me to a prostitute, *******. Dating around is healthy! Why not get to know what you like. It's what I do until I start developing serious feelings for one, and I assume my dates are doing the same. Then if it gets serious, then the sex issue comes in and we talk about that and our monogamy. like I said, why should I pin all my hopes on one guy if it turns out he is not interested in me? why not have fun and see if there are other possibilities out there? Screw you, Daniel. that said, people, do what you want! how I choose to date and develop relationships is not wrong. how you choose to date and develop relationships is not wrong. Don't criticize me for what works for me. Don't mean to brag, but I am attractive and slender from working out, and am fun to be around so I do attract quality guys where it would be possible to like them and date them both at once! Yes I'm seeing two guys casually right now, no sex because I haven't gotten to know either of them well enough for my liking.. .Guess I'm a slut, huh, Daniel?
Author Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 No, wait, Bridget! Is it correct what he says? About dating non-exclusively? Just curious mind you, you don't think I'd judge you for that, do you?
VinaAmez Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 You guys are funny. Is this correct!?!? You can have sexual relationships with several guys and everything is OK because you are not exclusive??? Uh...I don't know about you but there is NO WAY I could do that. Sure there's casual dating but casual dating several? That's interesting. Would that be like trying several men out and then picking the best one or something?
bridget_jones Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I feel like I can see other people, like if the hot guy at work asks me out, and I am seeing another guy but it hasn't gone anywhere yet...well I can't exactly pass up the opportunity of the 'hot guy' can I when I don't know yet where it's going with the first guy? If the first guy and I have agreed not to see other people, then I would tell hot guy that I have a boyfriend. If I go out a few times with Hot Guy, I assume he's dating other women, too. That is one good purpose of me waiting a month or so, if Hot Guy is sleeping with other women, I'm not sleeping with him. If HOt Guy and I have talked about being exclusive, I know that we are just sleeping with each other and I have told first guy that I have met someone else and have decided to be exclusive with him... NOW...if I CHOOSE to sleep with more than one guy, I would be honest with both of them that I am not monogamous. Then both guys have the choice of continuing to see me or not! COMMUNICATION & HONESTY
Author Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 But why formalise it then? I mean with rules and stuff, there was a (very strange and disturbing) thread about exclusivity.
DanielMadr Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 it is totally possible to like two men at once and be dating them simultaneously. If I'm not sleeping with both of them, then all is fair. Stop comparing me to a prostitute, *******. Dating around is healthy! Why not get to know what you like. It's what I do until I start developing serious feelings for one, and I assume my dates are doing the same. Then if it gets serious, then the sex issue comes in and we talk about that and our monogamy. like I said, why should I pin all my hopes on one guy if it turns out he is not interested in me? why not have fun and see if there are other possibilities out there? Screw you, Daniel. that said, people, do what you want! how I choose to date and develop relationships is not wrong. how you choose to date and develop relationships is not wrong. Don't criticize me for what works for me. Don't mean to brag, but I am attractive and slender from working out, and am fun to be around so I do attract quality guys where it would be possible to like them and date them both at once! Yes I'm seeing two guys casually right now, no sex because I haven't gotten to know either of them well enough for my liking.. .Guess I'm a slut, huh, Daniel? I wasnt comparing you to a prostitute. I said prostitutes dont kiss their clients because it is viewed as more intimate than screwing. Hence kissing two men is somewhat questionable. Putting everything on one card is probably dumb but at least it is honest. Hey life is risky. And when you start to play it safe you loose. Love is emotional thing not consious decisions. How can you get to know a guy better, how can you feel him when you have your brain full of other guy? It takes probably too long then. Yeah do what you want. Maybe taking others opinion to account might help. I dont think you are slut. I dont care about you so much to be angry with you or judge you. Besides I dont know you and I know I can tell shyt about person reading his posts on internet only. btw biggest fear of women is they would be viewed as sluts My advice to you after reading a few your posts. Pump up your confidence, get rid of the sex, sex, sex thing milestone....relax a little. And stop looking for faults in your men so much. Try to be more positive....look for things you find attractive. Because when you are looking for flaws...you will find plenty of them even on saints. Dont analyze, relax. Be confident enough to not care if he is mister love forever. Enjoy life and love. P.S.: I would marry a former prostitute if I found her attractive, honest, loyal and with right attitude. Jesus dated one why wouldnt I?
bridget_jones Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I don't have a formula, I do what's right for me and what I like. Leave me the hell alone. I don't want your unsolicited advice, especially when you post on here wanting advice in the dating department yourself. I am a confident woman and I like myself, like you said yourself, you can't tell anything about anyone from a freaking messageboard. Just because I choose to wait a couple months to have sex doesn't mean I lack confidence in myself, to the contrary, it means I respect myself and have more confidence in myself.
nicki Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 Give me more men who think like Daniel....and Erik, too, who are talking about one woman at a time. I can only give my full attention to one man at a time. Now, while unattached, I may go out with a couple of different first dates with different guys on subsequent weekends, but I will very quickly pick which one I want to get to know...then I will see only him...even if only lasts a few weeks, or months or years. Whatever. The sex is always part of the exclusivity, because the exclusivity comes from only dating each other...sex comes after that, so the whole exclusive thing after sex is not even an issue. I don't compete with other women, and I don't date men who are being intimate with other women (kissing, petting, etc.) If he is doing that, then he is someone else's boyfriend. And I don't mess with other womens' men. I can get my own. So, I don't expect a guy to compete with other men. If I choose to my give my ongoing time and affection to a man, then it's only for him. Otherwise, how can we be relaxed with each other if we are worrying about "winning" one another? I would NOT be making out with different guys to make up my mind. One heart, one man. I won't kiss a guy for a few dates anyway because I'm so weak and if it's a hot kiss, then I will want to get naked fairly soon.
bridget_jones Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 that's great, but it is also a 'formula' which works for you. Daniel says I need to get away from 'formulas' well all the people each have their own philosophy and whatever, seriously I don't sit around thinking about all this that much, I have no formula. I have dated more than one guy before, big whoop. It is possible, especially when you're an attractive fun woman, to have more than one quality prospect interested in spending time with you. So Daniel needs to stop being the hypocrite because he has written long essays on here about the way to go about things, he is the one with all these dating formulas which I supposedly need to follow. Truthfully I don't think about it too much, if a guy I like asks me out and I am interested, great. Not much to think about.
DanielMadr Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I feel like I can see other people, like if the hot guy at work asks me out, and I am seeing another guy but it hasn't gone anywhere yet...well I can't exactly pass up the opportunity of the 'hot guy' can I when I don't know yet where it's going with the first guy? If the first guy and I have agreed not to see other people, then I would tell hot guy that I have a boyfriend. If I go out a few times with Hot Guy, I assume he's dating other women, too. That is one good purpose of me waiting a month or so, if Hot Guy is sleeping with other women, I'm not sleeping with him. If HOt Guy and I have talked about being exclusive, I know that we are just sleeping with each other and I have told first guy that I have met someone else and have decided to be exclusive with him... NOW...if I CHOOSE to sleep with more than one guy, I would be honest with both of them that I am not monogamous. Then both guys have the choice of continuing to see me or not! COMMUNICATION & HONESTY If you have this mindset that it eventually might not work out....you have doubts (of him or yourself)...he feels these doubts and it damages your connection. I can tell you that. You are exclusive. You meet a HOT guy. And you turn him down? No. I dont think so. You will carefully date him and when you are sure he is HOT and HOT 4 YOU, you tell your SO about that. 'Honey exclusivity is over are you ok with it?' Exclusivity is HIV precaution? After you bed someone, you tell others concerned. It is OK to say that there is risk involved. But I think that it is normal to sleep with one person only. So there is no need for stating that. Yes, it is OK for saying 'Im sleeping with someone else' but why telling someone "Lets dont sleep with other people from now on". You are presuming he/she is polygamist. It would bebetter to say "If you ever sleep with someone else, please tell me and take condom". I dont get it.
bridget_jones Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 see, we have a talk about we are only seeing each other and what that means to me is that we are not having sex with anyone else. I personally am not sleeping with a guy until I am in an understood exclusive relationship. Once we have had that talk, we are only seeing each other, then he is not sleeping with anyone else or if he doesn't want to do that, we are not continuing dating. If I am exclusive with a guy, it means I have gotten to know him enough that I want to see only him, so I don't want to accept dates with any other guys. HOw is this complicated? Daniel..STFU, seriously.
DanielMadr Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 Give me more men who think like Daniel....and Erik, too, who are talking about one woman at a time. I can only give my full attention to one man at a time. Now, while unattached, I may go out with a couple of different first dates with different guys on subsequent weekends, but I will very quickly pick which one I want to get to know...then I will see only him...even if only lasts a few weeks, or months or years. Whatever. The sex is always part of the exclusivity, because the exclusivity comes from only dating each other...sex comes after that, so the whole exclusive thing after sex is not even an issue. I don't compete with other women, and I don't date men who are being intimate with other women (kissing, petting, etc.) If he is doing that, then he is someone else's boyfriend. And I don't mess with other womens' men. I can get my own. So, I don't expect a guy to compete with other men. If I choose to my give my ongoing time and affection to a man, then it's only for him. Otherwise, how can we be relaxed with each other if we are worrying about "winning" one another? I would NOT be making out with different guys to make up my mind. One heart, one man. I won't kiss a guy for a few dates anyway because I'm so weak and if it's a hot kiss, then I will want to get naked fairly soon. Give me nicki anytime. Your words are mine.
Recommended Posts