tikster Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 well my ex seems to be going back to his old ways of getting drunk and partying with his friends and most likely with his new girl. i noticed that he wasn't doing that stuff as often when he was with me, so i kinda feel like that's one of the reasons he broke up with me. i was " cramping" his style? maybe? i was doing well, until i found out that his parents are actually checking into the hotel that we work at, while i;m working nonetheless. it sucks b-cuz i never got to meet them when we were together. every time we had plans to hang at his house, he stood me up. so now i feel like they are going to come here and judge me like " yea i'm glad he dumped her". im feeling insecure and it sucks cuz im doing alot better, just a setback and i don't want to come into work that day. i just don't want to see him or his family. i wish that i could find some sort of happiness. its just not fair that he's all happy with life while im left confused. i know im not the only one to feel this way, but it does suck.
polywog Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Hi tik, Yeah, it sucks . And we've all had to go through this, so you have lots of understanding friends here, dear tik. Here's how I think you should handle it. Even though you're feeling all this anxiety (it's human), if and when you actually encounter them, just muster up your strength, which I guarantee you have, smile, and be your polite courteous self. Don't even try to impress them, you don't need to. Your behavior will speak for itself. And really, who cares what they think. You will be doing this for yourself, to get through this crisis on your feet and feeling good about yoursef, not to impress them. And you know what? You'll be a stronger person, guaranteed, for having weathered this crummy situation. When life throws these kinds of things at you again, you'll know that you got through it once, and you can handle it! It occured to me that since your ex wants to be the partying guy, maybe he didn't want to introduce you to them because he's not ready to live the lifestyle you represent. Then he'd have his parents down his back asking him where that nice girlfriend is, and he couldn't deal having to explain that he left her so he could hang out with other partyer slacker girls. The other posibility is that he never introduced you because he is ashamed of them, for some reason. My point is, there could be all sorts of reasons that he never introduced you to them, and though that hurt you, it's out of your control and the best you can do for yourself is to focus on taking care of yourself when you feel low about it. Hang in there girl, and keep posting !
Kamille Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 You deserve a big (((hug))). It's really confusing isn't it? Your ex and partying: It seems clear that your ex and you are not invested in the safe lifestyles right now. Don't internalize this. You were not cramping his style. He perhaps realized before you did that you deserve to be with someone who is looking for something healthier then a life of partying. I read your other posts and it seems like he was the one living the double life of trying to keep you around while sustaining his party lifestyle AND this other relationship with a woman. Good on you though for knowing your own values. There is a guy out there who is probably also looking for someone who is more grounded. Your ex's parents: Don't take your ex's word on the motivation as to why he would not introduce you (being that they disapproved of the relationship because you come from different cultural background). For reasons that we can only guess at, your ex prefered not to introduce you. They were his reasons, not theirs. My guess is that he prefered not introducing you because, likely, his parents would have liked you -parents usually like any friend of their kids who pulls them away from the party scene. It might have cast him as being more mature then he is actually ready to be. There is a chance that they might not even have heard about you. Whatever the reason, and whether or not they have heard about you - head up, back straight, smile on your face. Don't let yourself be intimidated by the shananigans of your ex. (Who doesn't deserve a sweet girl like you anyways).
Author tikster Posted March 17, 2007 Author Posted March 17, 2007 thanx for your insight. i kno that i should just suck it up and be me, but right now i feel like the butt of this huge joke. i feel like he used me and when he was done he just found a cuter girl who's russian, just like he and his family. his family knew about me and he never made it seem like they didn't like me. in fact we wnt to san fran a while ago and i remeber him saying "mom says hi". he keeps talkin to me at work, but i don't even have the energy to look at him or open my mouth, we can't be friends because i believe that he used me and he doesn't get it. im goin out more and TAKING CARE OF MYSELF, BUT I STILL FEEL REALLY HURT ESPECIALLY WHEN HE JUST PUTS HIS BUSINESS OUT THERE.(sorry for the CAPs) he lied to me bout his reasons for breaking up and i believe that he knows that i kno the truth, yet he's trying to act like nothing happened. i kno that he's just trying to make it look like he's not the bad guy, but whatever he is and everyone at my job knows it and two have even said something to him like" you did her wrong and if i was younger id kick ur a**" kind of thing. we broke up with a lot of things unsaid, so im not sure if there are any residual fellings there and i doubt that we will talk bout it. (but i am in no way talking to him). i was unhappy and he knew it so im not sure if he met this girl and hooked up with her because of the way i was acting. uugh, so many questions that will never be answered. idk
polywog Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I know you feel awful, I hear you. It just sucks how it ended, plus it's so soon you're gonna hurt. I know you feel like the butt of a joke, but you're not. You're just feeling beat down, poor tikster. Hang in there, girl, and keep posting
NC377 Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Hang in there. You are doing the right thing. He doesn't sound very mature and in the long run this is meant to be because you are going to find someone way better. Someone who will treat you will respect and who will really want to be with you and would be so proud to introduce you to his parents.
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