mouthfullofrain Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Hello everyone. I was wondering if someone out there could please give me some advice.. I had been dating this man for almost 4 years when suddenly he told me that he needed a break. I agreed and told him to take his time. 3 days later he asked me to come over for dinner. When I was there I asked him how long he thought he would need to be on a break for and then he dropped the bomb. "I think we need to just be friends right now" He says that all he needs is time and freedom. This was crushing. This was also 3 weeks ago. He says that there isn't anyone else and I believe him because he is not the type of guy to go out and hook up with a random lady. He is very loving with his family and goes out of his way to please people. He is still my best friend and I don't want to give that up. Now, here is the confusing part. I have been dumped before and usually the person doesn't talk to me again.. and if they do it's nothing but hurtful things. With my current situation, he didn't want to tell anyone for awhile and then when he did he told them that it wasn't my fault and for them to treat me the same as always since it wasn't something I wanted. He still has all the pictures of us/me up in his house. I gave him a silly cheap ring when we first got together and he refuses to take it off. Literally refuses. Everything that I have ever given him, is still in its place. He says he doesn't want to throw his life out. He also asks me to go see him play at his lacrosse games and go to his concerts. He calls everyday just to say "hi". I don't contact him.. ever. Also, when we are parting ways, he hugs me and kisses the top of my head.. even when I don't hug back. He tells me that he loves me, cares for me, and isn't over me. He is the one that still wants me in his life.. as a friend. I know that he is going through major issues right now with finishing up college and being away from his hometown (friends, family). I know he is depressed but he wont see anyone. He runs to me when he is upset. He told me that half the time he thinks that this breakup is good thing and that he needs to just be himself... but the other half of the time he says he is kicking himself for being so stupid to let me go. I wasn't the clingy girlfriend. He hung out with his friends and did whatever he wanted. So for him to say that he needs freedom sends up a red flag to me. He tells me that I know him better than anyone else, and like I said he isn't the type of guy that will just sleep around.. but right now my thoughts are so mixed that I don't even know anymore. Do guys actually just need some time, a few months even to just clear their heads before they get back with their ex or is usually completely over? I ask him and all I get is an "I don't know" ..which is what he tells his friends/family.. cuz I've asked them if they knew anything. Sorry this is so long and thanks you! in advance.
Erik Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Stumped. This sounds weird. Normally, when a guy needs a 'break' it is because he is too wimpy to end it, but the rest of his behaviour suggests this is not the case. It could be there's some kind of secret involved, but from what you write, it's not another woman. Something he's afraid or ashamed to tell you perhaps. I say you talk to him a bit more, make him understand you are worried on his behalf. You could show him what you've written here, explain why you are confused and seeking advise online.
Author mouthfullofrain Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 I asked him when it first happened. I asked him every question I could think of. I told him that I would be there for him if he was going through some troubled times but all he did was cry. He cried a LOT. I ask him about us and what this this means and every question I ask, I get an "i dunno" response. I haven't spoken to him in over a week and half and so my mind is making up all these senerios about him and so now I don't even know what is going on. He hasn't contacted me but that is because I am out of the country and he doesn't have the phone number to where I am staying for the time being. He is picking me up from the airport on saturday (no, no one else can) and I am nervous to be around in him. I don't want to spill my guts and tell him everything I feel but I also don't want to act like its no big deal in the chance that he is going through a phase and doesn't actually want me out of the picture. I feel like I should flip a coin.
skper138 Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 Ok, i have to tell you that i was going out with my ex for 7 1/2 years. he also said he needed some time to focus on himself. i had no idea what was going on. he moved out and moved in with a friend. everytime i would ask him why he also say the same thing, "I don't know". a few days later he changed his story and told me that he was no longer in love with me. I also thought it was another women so i questioned him about it and he said no no no. a few days after that i found out that he had been talking to this girl he works with via e-mail. 2 months later he is living with her and told me that she is a million times better then me and that he loves her. There is no reason for your relationship to end like this. if he has no reason to break up wuth you and is not able to work things out then I think he has a "bigger reason". he probably feeling ver guilty and doesn't want to hurt you so he rather see you go. My ex cried to me and told me that he still wanted me i his life but just needed some time. now he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. he totaly did a 360 on me. He even had the guts to look into my eyes and say, "I sometimes wish you were never a live". after so much love in december, now march he hates me. It's hard to understand but i do believe he has someone else. anything else you can fix but when the heart of the one you love belongs to someone else, there is nothing you can say or do. I wish you the best.
Erik Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 I still say it's something he's afraid to tell you, but maybe he's just afraid of committing. I suggest you agree to a break, and make sure NC is followed strictly. No matter what's wrong, NC is a good cure-all for men (and women) that can't make up their minds.
Author mouthfullofrain Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 I had a long car ride with him tonight and I told him everything that was on my mind and I even told him about this thread. He told me that instead of making choices that effect his life, he now feels like has to make choices that will effect the relationship and he's not sure if he is ready to have a life like that. Anyways, I told him not to contact me because I can't live with him in my life right now with all these emotions stirring.. so hopefully you are right. Thanks!
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