deeplyinlove Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 ok its me again, i posted on here about how my gf wanted to take a break. We did and i later came to relaize i was being to clingy. She wanted to take a break so i would realize this and i did yay. But life is never this nice to me. So we are all happy and such and how things where before i'm thinking yay i love her so much. But then a few days later we talk and i could tell something was buging her. She said there was and that she was a bad gf. I was like why? then she told me that she needed to be 100% sure that we are meant for each other and so she suggested we take another break to where we can date others to know for sure we love each other. It was really hard for me to agree but i figure this is just a really big test for us and will show if we are to be together for a long time, marriage maybe. So today i check her myspace and what do i see. A dagger through my heart mainly. with stuff saying how she loves this other guy and him as her top friend spot. god i hate myspace, all it does is mess stuff up i swear. I do some searching and finally find the guys myspace. its loaded whith how he loves her so much and all that stuff. It hasn't even been a 2 days since she said the break sugestion. I feel so broken, we been together for almost a year and i have beent there for her always. I wrote poems for her and called her when i could, i love her so much. But now i just feel so bad and i hurt inside like as if i been betrayed. Do you think she just suggested this so she could leave me for this person. for all i know she has been deciding between me and him. I never loved somone so much, but now i never felt so much pain. ; ; i just had to tell someone and get some advice from this awesome site. have i been a fool? i know we agreed to see other people but not even 2 days she and this guy are all lovey dovey it seems. a real relationship takes time to get to that stage for it to last. What should i do? i can't think to date another but i feel i should and not wait but i can't discribe how much she means to me, god i hate this, life always throws these curves at me. i on the verge of being depressed and i refuse to be that way. what should i do? my heart says to wait for her dispite everything and my head wants to prepare my heart for the worst. if it ends, i never want another ldr in my life, so hard, thanks to any who read this any reply would be helpful. she was my Rhinoa to me. (squalls lover from ff8).
Sweetie2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 The minute I read that she wanted a break so you could both see other ppl, I knew there was someone else. I think she's been secretly seeing this guy for a while, but now, your kind of getting "in the way", and maybe he's asking for more, so she made the relationship open and now she can openly see this guy. I'm not sure really what you should do, but I do know that you should talk to her about it! Tell her what you found, tell her the complete truth, and tell her that unless she is going to be 100% (and more) commited to you, then you don't want to be with her. You don't sound like the type of person who could deal with an open relationship, so you need someone who will be truly exclusive (am i right with that? it's just a guess...). Basically, she's going to have a choice, it's you, or him, not both. If she chooses you, then your going to have to work on the trust thing, because through this I'm sure your trust level in her has gone down (if it's even there at all)... it won't be easy, but I think that you should mentally prepare yourself for what you would do "if" you broke up.. because right now it's a possibility, and not one that's minor either Sorry this wasn't really positive...but it's a hard situation. good luck and stay positive!
4whatItsWorth Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 1. then she told me that she needed to be 100% sure that we are meant for each other and so she suggested we take another break to where we can date others to know for sure we love each other. 2. with stuff saying how she loves this other guy and him as her top friend spot...I do some searching and finally find the guys myspace. its loaded whith how he loves her so much and all that stuff. 3. It hasn't even been a 2 days since she said the break sugestion. I feel so broken, we been together for almost a year and i have beent there for her always. Now there are 3 problems flashing like red lights on an ambulance. (Or are they blue? Never mind!) First of all, if someone really loves you...they do not wish to date anybody else. Sure, they might dream about it in a little fantasy when things gets dull - but they would do everything in their power to change their emotions of doubt before they wanted to break up. (I am in a similar situation - but I refuse to throw in the towel until I am sure it will never work between us the way things are.) Secondly...love doesn't happen overnight. She has been knowing this guy for a long time, and did you check/was able to check when she last updated her myspace? I think she might have been two-timing you a bit emotionally. If you became clingy - I bet that other guys who were not as clingy all of sudden became more interesting. There is such a thing as "loving too much" - everybody needs space. (My male friend had the similar problem - he loved her so much he pushed her away.) I think you need to do what my friend could never do - give a girl some space. Tell her you know about this, ask for her to be honest, blunt - whatever just ask her to tell you the truth! Guessing won't help. Tell her you just have to know, and what it does look like to you. Don't be angry or judgemental - you want her to get back together with you. (But do you, really?) Then you tell her that whatever she wants you to do, you'll do it. Take things slow, it's alright. Also, you could say you'd appreciated it if she could have been honest with you if she was actually already gone. I think that was kind of crappy. HOWEVER, some people are "relationship-skippers", i.e. they will not leave a current relationship until they've found a new one. Those people are people you do not wish to date - trust me. If that is the way she is, it could be due to insecurities or whatever, but I strongly suggest you really rethink if you wish her back or not. You will find love again. Just don't be clingy - there is nothing more unattractive than clingy guys. Best of luck!
norajane Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 She said ... that she was a bad gf. This right there tells me she was seeing him already, long before this break. I'm very sorry, and you have a right to feel betrayed, because she did betray you. If I were you, I wouldn't consider this a break, but the end of your relationship. Don't have any more contact with her, no calls, no emails, no texts, no IMs. It will help you to get over her. Good luck to you.
kimberlyk Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I really don't think she's worth your time. My first thought like everyone else's was that as soon as I read that she wanted to see other people, I knew she already had someone in mind. You really need to think about what you are looking for in a woman, one who knows what she wants, or one who changes her mind and cannot make a decision for herself.
catrocks Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I agree with what everyone else said, when I read that she said she'd been a bad gf I immediately thought she must have been unfaithful to you. Ask her to be honest with you. Seriously though, she doesn't sound like a very nice girl, you could find someone way better than that who would commit to you and not need to see other people to be sure they loved you.
Guest Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 hey friend, if she loved you,she wouldn't ask for any break but she maybe want to keep you for herself good luck
Author deeplyinlove Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 thanks so much to you all, i know what i had to do and that it would come down to 2 decison, but now thats the hardest part for sure. To just give up all i had with her and start new with someone is just so painful. It feels as though i wasted my time, but i know i didn't cause i learned so much from this. I care for her so and would like to take her back, but the way she went about this has me so hurt. I know i should try to find someone who won't be so shady and someone who will love me without a doubt. I dunno why she would have to see if we are meant, i did everything to be the best bf i could, even saw my own flaws of being to clingy and will not get like that again. I have college coming up soon near chicago and should probably try to find someone while there, but my heart just doesn't want to quit at all. So hard it will be for me to trust somone as much as i did and have those feelings i had. Like everyone said those feelings don't appear over night, and i feel so lame to want to wait for her yet i can't decide to get over her prepare my heart and move on, or give it my all for someone who had to see if our love was meant to be. i don't want to be her backup, cause i have a feeling her relationship won't last long with him, and i'm affraid if i found someone and she wants me back i would have to break someones heart and i just don't want to do that to any one. i need to talk to her and just be outright if its over or not or if i'm just backup. thanks for all your words, any other replies would be cool, all you people on here are so kind.
kimberlyk Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 It feels as though i wasted my time, but i know i didn't cause i learned so much from this. That is exactly how you have to look at it...make yourself the wiser from this experience, in fact thank her for the experience and let this be a lesson for your future. Look for the red flags in the beginning before you get in too deep, and take action then. When you find the right person you will know it! From everything you have told us, she just doesn't seem like the one you should spend any more time chasing...you deserve so much better because you have so much more to offer!
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