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When there is a medical reason for sexless marriage

Very_Confused

By Very_Confused
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Very_Confused Member

Very_Confused

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I have been reading these boards for several months now, trying to find advice or information on how to live in a sexless marriage when there is a medical reason involved. There are plenty of discussions regarding everything else that may cause low libido but ED is mentioned and then pretty much left alone. Maybe because it is a touchy subject and people don't want to discuss it. Does anyone know of a discussion board for those with ED and their partners? I am looking for people to talk to that might be able to share their experiences and how they and their spouses have handled such a delicate situation. Thank you.

JackJack Established Member

JackJack

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I have been reading these boards for several months now, trying to find advice or information on how to live in a sexless marriage when there is a medical reason involved. There are plenty of discussions regarding everything else that may cause low libido but ED is mentioned and then pretty much left alone. Maybe because it is a touchy subject and people don't want to discuss it. Does anyone know of a discussion board for those with ED and their partners? I am looking for people to talk to that might be able to share their experiences and how they and their spouses have handled such a delicate situation. Thank you.

 

 

If there is a medical problem such as ED, has the doctor made any recommendations as to what you all can do or try?

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Very_Confused Member

Very_Confused

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If there is a medical problem such as ED, has the doctor made any recommendations as to what you all can do or try?

 

Yes, he talked to his doctor about it last spring while we were separated. He has diabetes and high blood pressure, diagnosed a couple of years ago. His doctor prescribed Cialis. When we reconciled in the fall he used it twice within the first few weeks but has not used it since. He will not talk about it with me and refuses to see a MC.

 

I have a few leads on seeing a MC by myself but didn't realize how expensive it would be. It isn't something I had planned in my own "budget" and I will not ask him to help me pay for it since he is so dead set against it. So it will be a couple of weeks yet before I can go alone.

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Very_Confused Member

Very_Confused

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Yes, he talked to his doctor about it last spring while we were separated. He has diabetes and high blood pressure, diagnosed a couple of years ago. His doctor prescribed Cialis. When we reconciled in the fall he used it twice within the first few weeks but has not used it since. He will not talk about it with me and refuses to see a MC.

 

I have a few leads on seeing a MC by myself but didn't realize how expensive it would be. It isn't something I had planned in my own "budget" and I will not ask him to help me pay for it since he is so dead set against it. So it will be a couple of weeks yet before I can go alone.

 

Just to clarify, I was not aware of the ED until about a month before we reconciled. He did not tell me about his meeting with his doctor earlier that spring until then.

JackJack Established Member

JackJack

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Yes, he talked to his doctor about it last spring while we were separated. He has diabetes and high blood pressure, diagnosed a couple of years ago. His doctor prescribed Cialis. When we reconciled in the fall he used it twice within the first few weeks but has not used it since. He will not talk about it with me and refuses to see a MC.

 

I have a few leads on seeing a MC by myself but didn't realize how expensive it would be. It isn't something I had planned in my own "budget" and I will not ask him to help me pay for it since he is so dead set against it. So it will be a couple of weeks yet before I can go alone.

 

 

There are some or should be some counselors that offer free types of services. Do a google for counselors in your area that are free of charge or that do not cost that much.

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Very_Confused Member

Very_Confused

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There are some or should be some counselors that offer free types of services. Do a google for counselors in your area that are free of charge or that do not cost that much.

 

I don't know if insurance will cover any of it but I have asked the receptionist at the office to send me a copy of the insurance coverage details. I spent quite a bit of time searching Google when I found out that there are no MC in my hometown. I did get a few leads from that but none that I happened to call were free. I'll search again and call a few more, thanks JackJack.

 

Back to wondering about forums for people with ED and their partners ... no one has any suggestions? I know the MC will help me sort myself out but another thing I really want to understand is what my husband is thinking and how he is feeling. Because right now I am just clueless and only able to see it from my own point of view. He won't talk to me about it at all.

melagan New Member

melagan

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Very Confused,

 

You are not alone in this, I know exactly how you feel. My husband has high blood pressure and as a result ED. I have found no forums that address the emotional stress that we as partners go through. All I have found are articals on how we should handle it with care and support,but nothing on how it makes us feel. At least in your case your husband has tried taking one of the drugs for the problem. My husband says he has talked to his Dr. but Im not so sure he has. He has agreed to try Horny Goat Weed. I really believe he is too embarassed to tell his Dr. I keep trying to gently encourage him to go to the Dr but I don't want to make him feel worse. We have a great relationship but without sex I am getting a little frustrated and all those insecure feelings are begining to creep up on me. Its not just no sex it is the fact that since this all began 5 months ago he has cut off all intimacy and that is where my feelings are coming from not the lack of sex (although that would be nice). I'm just hoping the Horny Goat Weed helps.

 

Good luck and if you find a forum for our problem please post it here :laugh:

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Very_Confused Member

Very_Confused

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Very Confused,

 

You are not alone in this, I know exactly how you feel. My husband has high blood pressure and as a result ED. I have found no forums that address the emotional stress that we as partners go through. All I have found are articals on how we should handle it with care and support,but nothing on how it makes us feel. At least in your case your husband has tried taking one of the drugs for the problem. My husband says he has talked to his Dr. but Im not so sure he has. He has agreed to try Horny Goat Weed. I really believe he is too embarassed to tell his Dr. I keep trying to gently encourage him to go to the Dr but I don't want to make him feel worse. We have a great relationship but without sex I am getting a little frustrated and all those insecure feelings are begining to creep up on me. Its not just no sex it is the fact that since this all began 5 months ago he has cut off all intimacy and that is where my feelings are coming from not the lack of sex (although that would be nice). I'm just hoping the Horny Goat Weed helps.

 

Good luck and if you find a forum for our problem please post it here :laugh:

 

Thank you for sharing your situation Melagan. It helps to know that you are not the only one wanting advice and answers. I wish I could offer you some advice but as you can tell, I am still floundering myself.

 

Yes, my husband tried the Cialis twice but that was 6 months ago. A few weeks ago he mentioned that he needed to find a new doctor since it was time for his yearly checkup. His doctor moved away sometime last year. Yesterday, I asked him if he had found a new doctor and scheduled an appointment yet. I also said that I would like to go with him when he goes. His response was that his meds do not run out for 6 months so he probably won't be looking for one until then. He didn't respond to my asking to go with him. I have a feeling that he will make and go to his appointment without my knowing about it until afterwards. He did tell me last year how embarrassing it was to even discuss it with his doctor. So I will respect his feelings and refrain from pressuring him about going with him.

 

I am making an assumption here but unfortunately, all I have to go on is what he said/did last year when we separated. I don't think he had that discussion with his doctor because of me and our relationship. He is the one who left because he didn't love me anymore, etc. so he wasn't thinking about reconciliation at the time. I think it was because he was thinking of possible future relationships. And I will admit, I often wonder if he decided to pursue reconciliation with me because I was familiar and safe.

 

I am not familiar with it but I do hope the Horny Goat Weed works for your husband. But if it doesn't, maybe it will make him realize at that point that he really does need to discuss it with his doctor. Maybe both of us should check out those links and see what we find.

Guest

Guest

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Just curious, but does his tongue still work or is that broken too?

I dunno, intercourse is not the only way to have fun in and out of bed.

There just seems like so many other options to be sexual with your partner, and one that would be fun exlporing...

Crazy Eddie Member

Crazy Eddie

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Yeah, it would be so much easier if we could buy Cialis without asking anyone's permission or even talking about it. Just go get it from the shelf and run it through the self-check-out. But that would require a lot of changes that neither party is prepared to even consider.

 

Anyway, I've been there and done that. It took me far too long to get to a doctor and get the medicine I needed, and in the meantime my wife was surely feeling neglected, especially since I was afraid to even touch her when I wasn't sure I could deliver on any expectations that might be created in her mind.

 

One thing we both had to do was let go of the attitude that a medically assisted erection wasn't a "real" erection or that the encounter wasn't "real" lovemaking. It's hard to describe, but men and women both have an unstated expectation that if a woman is desirable, the man will have no trouble showing his desire physically.

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