Guest Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Hi, I am new to this forum. I am in a very suffocating position right now and want advice.. I am having casual A with MM since 2 years who is also my boss at work. It was an okay relationship as we became friendly and had great sex. but i observed that he used to completely avoid me sometimes and sometimes he would be talking n talkinh with me... so I started suffering since few months at work bcoz of MM's typical behavior of 'talking when he wanted to' '.. and I decided that I want to end it.. So I was trying to be indifferent with him for the past few weeks. Today like usual he tried to talk some personal stuff to me (after keeping distance for 1 month almost), I got so upset I just said to him that 'y dont u go back to your cabin as I dont want to talk anything with you'. i said so very rudely and even asked him to close the door of my cabin when leaving.. I really felt that this is my first step in ending this affair.. later he didnt see me. for some time I was very relieved that finally i dont have to tolerate his mood swings towards me. but now I am home and I feel little weird, after all he is my boss, i should not have been rude with him. but wat the heck i cant take his behaviour towards me.. Should I 'apologise to him for being rude as he is my boss' ? I tried calling him but he didnt pick up his phone. I am worried, Is he very angry with me over this? Will he never talk with me now.. would he just forget he ever had an A with me.. I would really like to know from you all how does an MM react when OW is trying to end the A? please advice..
woe_is_me Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Depends on the MM i suppose I tried to end the A a few months in when it started to feel all screwy.. he pretended he hadn't heard and would contact me again a few days later or just show up on my doorstep like nothing had happened.. i tried to end it a couple more times after that also.. he ended it when he was ready ..it wasn't like i could pay him surprise visits or make surprise phone calls now was it...and no they don't forget they had the A with you.. 2 years of memories is impossible to erase.. he may call u again 5 or 10 years down the track. Just be decisive and find a good single man. MM will most likely cause u nothing but heartache. Your situation is made all the more worse by this man being your boss. This one is out of my scope. I have an older married male boss ..he is very suggestive .. for many years i've laughed his advances off. ..and i would NEVER make life so complicated for myself .. and if you know your bosses wife..well then thats just even more mess. If i were you i'd just find a different place to work.
GreenEyedLady Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 They text you... call you... email you... text you... text you... leave notes on your car... text you... repeat...
Kamille Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I think most MMs have nothing to loose so yes, he will likely keep coming around when he feels like it. That is why affairs are so difficult to end. This means that the decision to end the Affair is entirely up to you. He will likely get the point that you are no longer confortable with the way things are because of how you reacted today. You could truly decide the affair is over, this giving you the upper hand. You will no longer feel like you are at his beck and call. You could tell him the A is over. My ex-MM is now supervising my team. (We worked in the same field but not together when we had the A). We mutually agreed to end the A last summer even before we knew he'd get promoted. He still makes insinuation sometimes and I am adamant about the A being over. He told me last week that he respects me for that. And we are developing a great professional relationship which we both value. Somehow we both managed not to take the end of the affair personnally, perhaps because we both knew the chances of it going anywhere were very limited. You seem to be in the same situation. Ending the affair will likely free your mind. I know it did for me.
kimberlyk Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I have no advice, except maybe find a new job and don't screw the new boss...?! If you think about it, why should he care about your feelings when he doesn't even care about his wife's ???
Erik Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 An MM rarely ends it with the OW, no matter how it may look. If the OW doesn't end it, nobody will. Or the W will.
puddleofmud Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Hi, I am new to this forum. I am in a very suffocating position right now and want advice.. I am having casual A with MM since 2 years who is also my boss at work. It was an okay relationship as we became friendly and had great sex. but i observed that he used to completely avoid me sometimes and sometimes he would be talking n talkinh with me... so I started suffering since few months at work bcoz of MM's typical behavior of 'talking when he wanted to' '.. and I decided that I want to end it.. So I was trying to be indifferent with him for the past few weeks. Today like usual he tried to talk some personal stuff to me (after keeping distance for 1 month almost), I got so upset I just said to him that 'y dont u go back to your cabin as I dont want to talk anything with you'. i said so very rudely and even asked him to close the door of my cabin when leaving.. I really felt that this is my first step in ending this affair.. later he didnt see me. for some time I was very relieved that finally i dont have to tolerate his mood swings towards me. but now I am home and I feel little weird, after all he is my boss, i should not have been rude with him. but wat the heck i cant take his behaviour towards me.. Should I 'apologise to him for being rude as he is my boss' ? I tried calling him but he didnt pick up his phone. I am worried, Is he very angry with me over this? Will he never talk with me now.. would he just forget he ever had an A with me.. I would really like to know from you all how does an MM react when OW is trying to end the A? please advice.. I don't really think that your behavior is reflecting that which you wish to happen but is rather "passive-agressive" in nature. Sending a willing puppy back to his cubicle does not tell him to never, EVER come back--it just dismisses him for the time being. If you truly want said puppy to stay away you have to say more than just "shoo". Puppies are dense and need commands. One can't "try" to end an affair one must command to end it as in by telling said puppy in no uncertain terms that it is OVER. One can't expect said puppy to just "guess" what this is all about...nor does one need to explain to said puppy that he may no longer behave as has been; one just says "NO". Metaphors aside, you have to tell him you are no longer his "territory" unless you take some enjoyment about him pissing in your area? Oh, sorry! I can't stop the puppy metaphors but I hope you understand what I am saying: "Go back to your cabin" does not equal "it's over and I no longer wish to see you"'... One is too wide in its interpretation and the other is quite concrete. Which one would accomplish what you wish?
kimberlyk Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 If you truly want said puppy to stay away you have to say more than just "shoo". Puppies are dense and need commands. Excellent analogy! ...I will remember this for my own future reference.
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