P4AhUeLlp Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I could really use some advice...i just confronted my gf of 8 yrs over some of her emails...i'm not proud of the fact but i keylogged my way into her account. anyways she had a few emails between and a male friend of hers were she said she loved him and how she was just a very romantic person and how they were glad about having each other for friends...as well as many more were it was just friendly conversations... When i confronted her she said yes she loved him as a friend and that she talked to him about being a romantic person because she's known him for longer than we've known each other and she could talk to him about anything. as well she was very angry at what i had done...which i admit i wish i hadn't. This person i have never trusted from the first day i met him... a couple yrs ago she told me he had confided in her that he had once cheated on his wife and that he wished he'd never done it and how he would never do it again. he doesn't know she told me. I trust her when she says she's never cheated and never would...anyone else that knows her doesn't think she's the kind of person who could cheat..even before we were together everyone believed this. should i be worried? or am i over reacting? they've been close friends for well over 10 yrs so it is likely that they would talk to each other about pretty much everything. i've done the same with my oldest friend. was she wrong to not tell me about what they talked about? was i wrong to break into her account even though i trust that she has always been faithful to me? Right now i feel like i'm the one who is in the wrong...should i trust in my feelings for her, trust that she is telling me the truth? i know other ppl that know her friend, guys and girls and no one else seems to have a problem with him...am i just being way to jealous like i think i am?
Poboy Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 ya , sadly you are wrong ... did you find anything to suggest they are having some sort of affair, anything close to that. what makes you believe that your gf might be cheating if so ... i wouldnt share stuff i spoke about with my best friend to my gf if it doesnt concern her. snooping like that unless your suspicions are really strong and you are almost sure there is something going on can lead to lots of trust issues ... 8 years is quite a long time to judge and know if a person is one of those may cheat on you types. you should know that by now.
Author P4AhUeLlp Posted March 15, 2007 Author Posted March 15, 2007 I'm not sure why i have these feeliings. the only things she's done is lie about hangin out with him after we've had fights over her being with him. and i know she shouldn't lie but i do understand why she did it if she's not cheating. she doesn't want to start a fight over her just hanging with a friend. what got me the most i guess was the way they talked in the e-mails..to me it didn't seem innocent...but i dont think she's cheating.... guess i'm just looking to see if i'm right in thinking i've snooped when i shouldn't have. how can i make it up to her? i dont want to be jealous
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 If they have been friends for longer than you have known her and you are reasonably sure that nothing has occured in the past then I think you are being unreasonable. I also think that your jealously will push her away. He is comfortable to her. Their personal style of communicting and the things that they talk about were established even before you two met. I'm sure it bothers you that she ran to him when she was (justly?) hurt. BUT who would you have her run to? Atleast he is known to you and their relationship is established. Also, put yourself in his shoes. However nice he may be, no guy ENJOYS some chic crying on his shoulder everytime a bf hurts her feelings. If you have their past emails, check out their communication styles, THAT'S what you can learn the most from. If you can figure out what it is she gets from his friendship that she doesn't get from you (in the way that you communicate and relate) then if you learn to give her some of that yourself she has less need from him. You do not want to make this you against him. You have hurt her, I assume he has not and has been their for her when you have caused her pain. IMHO if you worry about fixing the things that are wrong between the two of you and really figuring out what SHE might be missing your time will be better invested. One more thought. Sometimes paranoia/jealousy comes from what you are dealing with in your own life rather than what is actually happening in someone elses.
norajane Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Have you ever met this friend? If she's known him for 10 years, and you've been dating for 8, I imagine you should have gotten together at some point, maybe even as couples with his wife. If you haven't, well, that's a long time to keep him away from you. It might be time for her to introduce him and his wife to you and have this friendship be a friendship all of you can share. If she objects, there has to be a reason.
Author P4AhUeLlp Posted March 15, 2007 Author Posted March 15, 2007 i want to thank u for your quick responses and the fact that so far u all seem to agree. i guess i just needed someone other than my gf to tell me the same thing that i was reading way to much into this. it wont be easy i know but i'm goin to take your advice and try to fix not only the things i've done but being more the person i shoud be for her. once again thank you
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