Markopolo Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 So I am finally able to admit I screwed up. I dont even know where to begin. The love of my life had recently left me because she is no longer in love with me but loves me in a weird way. 5 years ago the woman saved my life and we have been together ever since. I got pretty lazy emotionally and treated her more like a side dish rather than the main corse. Meaning I was not there for her in many ways (sexually and emotionally). Still she fights with me wrote me a letter about how great it is that im ok, and that she is not. This was after she said she was moving out. For the first time in my life I realize I mad a huge mistake but still me problem seems to steam for a fear of commitment. I want her back more than anything and some of my friens say I need to fight to prove my love while others seem to think to let her go and prceed with NC. I guess if its meant to be it will be but at the same time why not fight. I know she love the real me but I hide it for so long because I didn't know how to love or be open in a relationship. Yeah I amso connfussed and ned sdvice pleas help.
wlminfla Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Hey Man, I completely understand how you feel! I was with the love of my love for over six years, and fell under the inertia of complacency while I finished up my graduate degree. I was scared of that kind of commitment too. Now I lost her, and she's with someone else and it hurts like crazy. I wanna tell you to run after her (in a genuine and dignified way), but do be careful if you do that. Yes she left but not because she just wasn't in love any more. She might wanna see a response out of you. That's my complacency...if I could look back and say I fought my hardest and she'd left, I'd leave it up to her to come back. But guys like us can't exactly see it that way. My advice is this...go NC for a little bit, then slowly contact her a few times before mentioning the two of you. Take a genuine interest in her and keep the conversations short. Then evaluate where you wanna go. Of course, I could be completely wrong about all of this so take it for what you will.
kimberlyk Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Is it possible that she's not 'in love' with you anymore because you denied her of her emotional and sexual needs? Maybe she is confused with her own feelings toward you because she had no reassurance and that confuses her...? But she says she is not ok, so maybe she is just trying to 'raise you from the dead' and get you to recognize your own feelings and make them known to her. Communication..?!?!
Marko polo Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 Well well well Thoughit was only a text message, "I hope you know I still care ALOT about you and wish I would have talked louder and been more braver about talkin to you, happy is what I wanna see you as well, you deserve it" So i got this and I got confussed, I responed with a simple thank you, because I did not want to seem like a wuss and say well you make me happy or anything. I feel like I have to start playing a game almost. I know we are meant to be and every once in a while aI feel it deep down inside. I need help I dont know what to do, should I fight or ler her fight or me. NC is tough but i am beggining to believe that moving on is the best way to win her back. This is so odd how can moving on win her back. Thanks all Mark
Author Markopolo Posted March 16, 2007 Author Posted March 16, 2007 Well just wanted to note that one here. NC im not so sure, but I failed on communication I own my fault in this but what about her
Author Markopolo Posted April 11, 2007 Author Posted April 11, 2007 Well there are a few things I have learned over th past several Months. MY story is brief but seems to be similar to most. Alot of us are sad and we fill our mind with the worst case senerio about our ex. Questions like who is he/she with what are they doing and its the most sickening feeling in the world. When my ex left i had no idea why, but still I tryed to save the relation ship by talking to her and changing as we still live together for months after. When I failed at this I decied to go out have fun and boy did I. I spent thousands of dollars on partying eating put and buying toys that I cant afford, I used the internet as an escape, chatroom, games, porn,,ect.... Hmmmm I cant inagine why she finally decieded to move out. As I sit here alone and pondered this question over and over, I came to realize I am a selfish person and yes I am afaird of commitment, that combo alone can cauze so many bad things to happen in a relationship. Everone is different but I found that many times when an ex leaves the other party has difficulty understanding why and that often time leads to self loathing. I understand that each story is different but i often hear after a break go NC act like its ok, act like no big deal and start dating other people right away, but doesn't this only confrim to the other person you dont give a hoot about them anyway, I feel I am only confirming my own selfishness and cowardness when it comes to relationships. I want this women back more than anything in the world and yes I know my problems and have a good understanding of the whys. AT first i started with NC and realized this may work for some but not with me. NC is designed as a healing measure not a way to get a girl back. I found that its true begging pleading saying youll change really only pushes someone away but man o man does I feel good to fight but you must fight in the right way. Remember the Rocky movies of the eighties what would have happened if Rocky gave up after the first second or third beating, he would have surly lost. I am now able to stay in the mind of my women by sending her a text simply saying "hey hows it going" once in a while not every day. I got her an Easter basket for the holiday something meaningful. Its about the little things. Some may say this is even wussy but being loving and being wussy are very very different. I dont know if she will ever come back but I wont know unless I try. The basket made her cry and she keep telling friends she cant belive I did that, I got a thank you text today for helping with another problem. You see stay in the mind and there heart without acting the part of da fool. Its is ok to reach out once in a while, dont you want to be the one your ex comes to for a shoulder to cry on, for sure you dont want the other person having that. Stay busy with you life this shows confidence, I know moat men and women are attracted to this no a whimpering fool like I have been. THere really is so much more but remember why that person fell in love with you in the first place, yeah thats still you what happened, be that person, and when you talk, why bother bringing up the relation ship, the past is the past. I guess what I am trying to say courtship, you may find out the fight might be worth it. Lastly I do want to say that we are noy back togeth and yes it sucks im sad and I think about it alot but to just move on to just have NC ill really never know. I know what I did wrong and I know Im back to the person ahe really loved. This time Im not going to run from the love im going to embrace it. I know in the end it may not work out and mabey thats what makes it easier to fight. Rejection sucks yes but acceptance is great. I really think that for warm-up to the fight, this is the time for us to understand or try to understand why. SO take some time and think about what may have gone wrong. and be cool when you do communicate. Good Luck to all of you, please remember being loving and being a wuss are very very very different.
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