Guest Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I have been with my bf for about 3.5 years. We have had a very good relationship, we get along, we travel together, our relationship is based on trust and commitment. The other day, he confessed to me that he isnt happy with his life. He told me that he needs to figure out who he is and that he always tries to make everyone happy and hasnt been happy himself in years. (He is a bit of a perfectionist, he strives and he is very ambitious, he tries to please everyone including me all the time). He also told me he needs to figure out what he likes and enjoys in life. So he broke up with me. He told me that his decision was very hard but was the right one. We cried for hours. It was very emotional. My questions is: Should i leave him alone so that he can deal with his issues? Or should i call him and check up on him and see how he is doing. I am a little worried about him since he doesnt have many close friends and his familly lives far away. Would it be a good idea to leave him alone completely? Or try to touch base with him and see whats going on. I miss him a lot and i wonder if its even right to break up with someone over something like this, rather than try to deal with it together. What do you guys thing?
Rooster_DAR Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 For gods sake leave him alone, that is your best choice. The more he doesn't hear from you, the more he will miss you. When he does contact you again, keep the conversations brief and polite. Don't act like it's killing you, maintain your integrity. This sounds like the ending of a relationship, so your best odds are to get comfortable with yourself and don't disperse any insecurities when he does contact you again. Cheers!
lilly126 Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I must say, I disagree with Rooster DAR. The reason I say this is because of the amount of time you guys have been together. I think you need to respect what he says, and definitely give him the space he needs. But I wouldn't necessarily try to avoid him or "keep it polite" as the above poster replied. I think it's important to let him know that you still care for him and you still support him. Tell him, "I will respect your wishes, but please know that if you need anything, anything at all, let me know. I am always here for you to talk to." I think he will appreciate your respect and your sincerity. You never know, a little bit of time may be just what he needs. Keep in touch, but not too often, and not at lengthy terms. Maybe send him a quick email or something. Just don't be too in his face, or he could get aggravated.
thatmatt Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 It sounds like this is very sudden. I think your best bet is to give him space, he will either realize he made a mistake or he won't, but I think your best bet is to tell him that you're here for him if he needs anyone. That leaves the ball in his court, if he decides he needs you or not. Right now the ball is kindof in your court, since you're contemplating whether or not to contact him, put the ball in his court, like lilly126 said.
lorr Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 I have to say that I agree with Rooster on this one. By all means give him his space, but if he does get in contact,and wants to get back with you, its really down to you to weigh up the possibilty that this could happen again if he goes through another one of his rough patches.
Island Girl Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 For gods sake leave him alone, that is your best choice. The more he doesn't hear from you, the more he will miss you. When he does contact you again, keep the conversations brief and polite. Don't act like it's killing you, maintain your integrity. This sounds like the ending of a relationship, so your best odds are to get comfortable with yourself and don't disperse any insecurities when he does contact you again. I AGREE! He needs space - give it to him. I would not send e-mails or anything else. He needs to come to terms with his own life and how he is feeling. He knows you care and you were the most involved person in his life - he will reach out to you when he comes to new decisions believe me. Let him alone until then. The memories he has with you up to this point is what you want him to recall. Not guilt or pressure which is inevitable if he gets an e-mail from you. He knows how you feel about him. That hasn't changed.
Living_For_Me Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 Island Girl has definately hit the nail on the head. He needs to realise the mistake. You can't force a decision out of him or pressure him into a decision. Trust me you're only hurting yourself by pursuing him when he "needs space" (read: bull****)
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