Finally ended it after 3 and a half years

[kiababy]

I haven't been on this site in over a year and don't recognize any names, but there is nowhere else for me to talk about this. For the last 3 and a half years I was having an affair with a married man 16 years younger than me - I'm 45, he's 29. It was exhilarating to have a hot, sexy surfer type lusting after me. We talked constantly, almost every day right up until last week. Then one morning I woke up and decided I had had enough. There was no reason for it, I just felt like it was finally time for me to move on.

 

I told him I needed some 'space' because I can't bring myself to say it's over. He immediately sent me a text message back saying 'take all the space you need but don't forget me'. Well, he gave me 3 days before the first 'I miss you' message. He asked me to call because he has some news for me. I haven't called back yet. I don't want to talk to him anymore, don't want anymore text messages from him, don't want to see him again. He's the best sex I've ever had but it's amazing how sick you can get of being '1st runner up'.

 

I've been on date after date after date, the really 'nice' ones who want to get to know me turn me off and I find it tough to even kiss them good night. The ones who are BAD for me - too young, too wild, are the ones I'm drawn to immediately. I can pull chemistry out of thin air for a really hot guy, ha!

 

There's also a gym teacher, closer to my age - 33 who's in one of those "I'm separated, but oh yeah, my wife just had a baby" marriages...sheesh.

 

He's great and we have wonderful chemistry together. He comes over to my house Friday nights occasionally for 'movie nights', in fact he's the only man I've ever had in my house around my kids. He's come over and made dinner for me a few times and he's taken me out dancing a couple of times too. With him it's more about intimacy than sex, because we can't do anything at my house but it's nice to fall asleep on the couch together for a few hours.

 

I've been seeing a therapist lately about other issues but I'm afraid to tell him about my dating habits. Which is stupid because he's the one person I SHOULD tell, right?

[NoIDidn't]

Hi Kia

 

You should tell your therapist about your dating habits. Why do you like emotionally unavailable men? You are wasting your money to not discuss this with your therapist.

 

Why are you angry with your 16 years younger MM? It sounds like its more than just being tired of being the First Runner Up issue.

 

Good luck with the therapist. I couldn't be with a guy who says "my wife just had a baby" when its his kid (assuming here). That's just disgusting.

[kiababy]

Yeah, my next appointment I will definitely make it a point to tell the therapist. I'm not angry with MM - just tired of it all. Anyway today he asked it he could have one last goodbye ****. I said no, but we could always be friends. The married gym teacher presented himself in the beginning as a separated man who's wife admitted she cheated to prepare him for the fact that the baby might not be his. The baby is 4 months old now and he's pretty sure it's his child but says he can't forgive her. By the time he told me he'll probably stay with her 'for the sake of the child', it was too late, we'd already become involved.

 

I realize all married cheaters are master manipulators and liars and I've probably been had....in every sense of the word.

 

My 24 year old daughter - who doesn't live with me and knows nothing about all of this always tells me that if I really wanted to be in a relationship I would be in one. I guess that's true. The men I'm attracted to are not available emotionally or otherwise and I have no clue why they are so appealing to me.

[whichwayisup]

I said no, but we could always be friends.

 

Don't be friends with him.

 

The men I'm attracted to are not available emotionally or otherwise and I have no clue why they are so appealing to me.

 

Hopefully your therapist will help you figure that out. It probably has to do with the committment part, having consquences of actions, having responsibility, giving and taking, compromising....Maybe too, you're real scared of showing your TRUE self to someone and be intimate to the point of a long term committed relationship.

 

Good luck with therapy. I'm sure it will help.

[kiababy]

After being in a terrible marriage for 9 long years (divorced for 7), I guess the fear of being stuck in the wrong relationship again has me totally spooked.

Thanks for the advice