Double D Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 When your gf says she thinks we should have a break. What on earth does this mean? and what is its purpose? Any suggestions/ thoughts / opinions people!?
oppath Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 I think it means she's not that into the relationship and it is a way of slowly breaking up. If you truly love someone, you don't need breaks. I'm sure there are people here who have had breaks and it has worked out, but if you are busy, stressed, etc, those things can be worked around within a relationship. There are always compromises such as seeing each other slightly less, studying/working together at night, etc. If a woman asked me for a break, I'd put my foot down and say "no, we are breaking up. If you want to get back together with me, you know where to reach me, but it's not fair to put me in emotional limbo while you sort out your life."
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Think of it this way: "Taking a break" is like going to work on your day off. You are at your place of work, but you don't have to follow the rules or answer to anyone as long as you are off the clock. You are assured though, that another day will come and you'll punch the clock like usual and be at work again with all the contraints, rules and such that come with being at work on the clock. "Breaking up" is like walking into your workplace and quitting your job, and walking out. It works like that for a relationship too. As long as you are on a "break" you can have the comfort and security of the relationship, without actually having to follow any relationship rules or constraints. You can play all you want, and know that you can simply come back when you want and "clock back in". You can see other people, you can contact or not contact the person as you feel fit, etc. The only difference really between a break and a breakup is that during a break, you keep the relationship on a back burner for when you want it back. A breakup takes the relationship off that back burner and discards it. Its fairly convenient for the person requesting the break. In your gf's case, she wants to have the comfort and security of a relationship while living like a single girl. The question here is... how comfortable are you sitting on someone else's back burner waiting for them to come around again (assuming of course, she doesn't find another guy and simply not come back to you). I suppose it depends on how passive you are. If someone offered me a break, I'd hand them back a firm break-up.
alexa137 Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 i feel the same way--ive been going through the "i need time apart" phase with my boyfriend for about 4 weeks--drives you literally crazy! i ended up in the Er with heart palpatations, high blood pressure, nausea and ive lost 20 lbs--cry everyday--its nerve racking--i mean i feel the same way if you love someone you dont need a break--but my bf says he loves me everyday still lives with me and have sex at least 4 times a week still and now has started sleeping in my bed again after being on the couch for 2 weeks! very cofusing! and hes never here so i;m thinking this is the break until he told me mon that after we move apart from this house have out time apart and then get back together.....what! i dont get it--whats that gonna prove or what if i'm not around??? theres alot of what if's, and its not fair and then if i bring it up he gets upset--they just dont know the feeling--i always say turn this around and put yourself in my shoes and try to imagine how traumatic this situation is! my bf says im still his "girl" i dont know00i cant even get through wondering what??
bridget_jones Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 he asked you for a break yet you are still letting him have sex with you? STOP having sex with him IMMEDIATELY. He asked for a BREAK. That includes sex. Have some self-respect, he doesn't get to ask for a break and still get to eat his cake. I totally would move OUT. Love doesn't mean feeling like you have been. He won't discuss it with you because he's saying he doesn't plan on being your boyfriend but still plans on having sex with you whenver you want. SMELL the COFFEE. i feel the same way--ive been going through the "i need time apart" phase with my boyfriend for about 4 weeks--drives you literally crazy! i ended up in the Er with heart palpatations, high blood pressure, nausea and ive lost 20 lbs--cry everyday--its nerve racking--i mean i feel the same way if you love someone you dont need a break--but my bf says he loves me everyday still lives with me and have sex at least 4 times a week still and now has started sleeping in my bed again after being on the couch for 2 weeks! very cofusing! and hes never here so i;m thinking this is the break until he told me mon that after we move apart from this house have out time apart and then get back together.....what! i dont get it--whats that gonna prove or what if i'm not around??? theres alot of what if's, and its not fair and then if i bring it up he gets upset--they just dont know the feeling--i always say turn this around and put yourself in my shoes and try to imagine how traumatic this situation is! my bf says im still his "girl" i dont know00i cant even get through wondering what??
Dubb Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 The problem with a break is you never know what it means=( Do yourself a huge favor and go NC right away. Save your dignity and move on. Trust me on this. I know from experience. I been stuck in limbo for 4 months but been moving on the whole time. She can think what she wants but I am just working on me and I have np meeting a new girl when the time is right for me. If she comes back I will deal with it than but no way will I be put on the shelf. Sometimes people need to screw up in life to realize what is really important. DO NOT WAIT FOR HER. Remember they don't need to know what you are doing. When they say break it really means they don't want to date you. Give her all the space in the world and go n/c b/c if you hang around she will never miss you. The second she uttered the words break to you it no longer is about her but about you. Remember you are number 1! Don't ever forget that.
alexa137 Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 thats what i say but i cant move until next weekend--apartment wont be ready til then--and its kinda hard to have no contact when you live together--like tonight i will be upstairs exercising when he gets home(usually) and then i will go to bed--if i tell him to go on the couch he gets an attitude! he says i love you and i dont want us to hate each other! part of me does hate him for putting me through all this--but i guess love makes you do things crazy--like being used to intimate contact daily and then not getting any for a couple of days its like my pussy calls his dick through the air vents! ha! he knows i am up laying in bed horny and i know hes down here on the couch horny--and i can say the past year i have never felf his penis soft its always hard around me! which is kinda good! i dont know and therapy hasnt really helped! but i guess no one will ever give me the real answers but him who knows when! if not soon i dont know--he will realize what hes missing--like i keep saying the real test will be when he moves to his dads and i get my own apartment!!
bridget_jones Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 he's just using you for sex. you can have some self-respect and say no. you're basically a free prostitute to him.
alexa137 Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 thanks but i dont see it that way! if two people love each other and cant stay away and sex is a big part of relationship then hes not using me for sex and i told him i felt that way and he said hes not using me or taking advantage of me-i did good last night--went to bed early he came home late nothing said didnt even see him!
Rooster_DAR Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 A break can certainly mean you are put on the backburner, but more times than not it's way of breaking up without incident. BTDT
Living_For_Me Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 A break is nothing more than a person being too spineless to say break up. As hard as this may seem, you need to let this girl go and find someone who won't put you through the BS that is a "break".
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