Kelso Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Hey there - Live is getting brighter after my breakup in october, finally starting to see the sun again I met this girl about two months ago through my best friend. We went on few dates and she spent the night at my place few times, although we didn't have sex. Then suddenly she started to get distant and stopped answering my texts and stuff like that, saying that she didn't think that it was gonna work out. Well she is my best friends friend to so we still spend a lot of time together. But I made the mistake that I've fallen even more for her as the time has passed. The fact is that I really like this girl, but I don't know if I can do anything about it. Especially because she said that it wasn't gonna work. So I'm gonna give you a little details on how we behave while around each other. a) We don't talk a lot, but I always smile and act friendly without hitting on her. She acts like she doesn't anything to do with me, but she still always takes the seat next to me if it's available, even though there are another chairs. b) When I met her friend few weeks ago, a one who live abroad, I told her that I liked her. She told me that she always gets distant when she falls for someone and always gets really cold towards the person. In this case me. She told me to try harder. c) Went to a club the other day and met her there. Talked a little and then took a seat next to my friends. 45 minutes later I got an text which said: "Didn't find you ... left for xxx this other place". She also told me that she doesn't spoke about anything else but me when they last met. This is just a little example on how we are when we're together. A friend of mine said that "if I'd really want her, then I should try harder". I just don't want to be the ass who tries harder even though she has said NO. Also because our friendship is working out okay. I also don't want to be the fool who falls completely on love with a friend who isn't thinking about a romantic relationship. Can I get any advices from you people. I most certainly need them. And also how I should approach her. Should I stay distant any longer or should I try. We're all going on a litle trip in 2 weeks, maybe I should try then. I just don't know what to do as I don't want to be an ass. Anything will be appreciated... Kelso Long story short. She acts cold like her friend said
Author Kelso Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 Did possibly post this in a wrong forum, but I hope it will be okay
JCD Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Ask her why you two are not going to work out. Then go from there.
kimberlyk Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I can't see anyone wasting their time chasing someone who is cold to them. You need to either discuss this at some point with her, and soon...or drop it and make her realize that you have already made your feelings known and now it's her turn to reciprocate, or not. I am guessing that if you continue chasing her and falling harder for her that you could become obsessed, obviously her friend is aware that she has a 'pattern' of this behavior, so it's no big surprise...that should tell you something, did you find out from her friend what happened to the other men that she was cold to? ...maybe this is why she is single...?
sherlock Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 First off, look after yourself and your outlook on life first. Coming off your past breakup and finally seeing the sun again, make sure you keep seeing the sun. If you think you guys are good friends, then maybe relax until the trip in 2 weeks and see how you get along after a mini-break. That may give you time to look after yourself some and time for her to figure out what she does or doesn't want. Then based on how things are going, you can see if she would like to talk about things. Unfortunately, if she doesn't want to talk or open up about things, then that's not in your control and you kind of have to just accept it and move on. There could be a ton of reasons why she doesn't want to pursue the relationship. Most of them you can't control. So make sure you look after yourself first and foremost. The rest of things either with her or someone else in the future will fall into place. Anyway, just my $0.02. And I know I am no expert on the subject.
CrossRhodes Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 Kelso, I'm really sorry to say this, but you are already setting yourself up for a world of heartache and pain. Your desire to pursue someone this emotionally unavailable is screaming a loud message about where you are at in your emotional life. If it's not too already too late, pull back. Sure, you may manage to pull off a short-term relationship with her, but you will never get the intimacy with her that you are craving. And that is going to f*** you up and you will be lamenting her distance and iciness for the next year in this forum. Probably longer. You deserve much better. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
Island Girl Posted March 17, 2007 Posted March 17, 2007 If it's not too already too late, pull back. Sure, you may manage to pull off a short-term relationship with her, but you will never get the intimacy with her that you are craving. And that is going to f*** you up and you will be lamenting her distance and iciness for the next year in this forum. Probably longer. You deserve much better. I agree. If this is her normal pattern she has some huge intimacy issues and it will be a relationship where you constantly question yourself and your actions. Even if you get together - you will have to do the pursuing and reassuring constantly but she will NOT reciprocate. In the end you will either get a break up because she feels you are smothering her which is her own doing because she doesn't take any initiative. Or you'll get a break up because she feels she is getting too close to you and bolts - due to her intimacy issues. Either way she is a girl with major problems that she has to fix herself. Find one who doesn't.
Author Kelso Posted March 17, 2007 Author Posted March 17, 2007 Thank you all for your advices. I guess that most of you guys are right. She probably has some intimacy issues and definetly isn't ready for a relationship right now. So I guess that I'm just gonna cool my engines for now so that I can enjoy her friendship in the future without feeling miserable. Sometimes I just really think there is something wrong with me when it comes to dating. If I may start by telling you that I used to be a lot heavier few years ago, borderline obese. Therefore I had little luck with the girls from for most of my teenage years (I'm 24 now). Today, I look quite athletic, but it has cost me a lot of sweat and pain. But now I can look in a mirror and feel good and most of all feel proud of myself. What is still lacking is my self confidence. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy talking to girls and I'm not afraid to do it now (other than it used to be). The thing is I just fall for girls way too fast if they show anything more than slightest interest. My ex was the first girl I really fell in love with. I knew it the whole time that I was much more into her than she was into me. We didn't have a lot in common, but still I didn't want to let go of her. When I think of her, she brings smile to my face, but I don't want that relationship back. Let's now proceed to the new girl. I got really excited and very prematurely started developing feelings for her, feelings similar as I had to my ex's. Still this new girl has some major flaws ... again similar to my ex's. Funny thing that I had promised myself that I was gonna find a girl without those major flaws. I'm talking about stuff like smoking and having a dead end job at a restaurant and having no intentions of going back to school or finding a decent job. But I guess that we can't control our feelings sometimes. I think it's quite obvious that I need to try to built up some confidence if I'm not gonna be miserable in my future relationship(s). Thanks again for your advice people and have a nice weekend...
Recommended Posts