groov Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 This is my first post here, so please forgive my horrible rambling and punctuation, sometimes my hands can't keep up with my thoughts! Well, today is one month (+1 day) since my husband had a "one-night stand" per say. Yes, your math is correct...the day before Valentine's Day my husband cheated on me. I guess it all started one day when my husband was playing basketball with a friend. His friends neighbor came down looking for the friend, and along with the neighbor was her friend that "suprise!" my husband had been friends with some time ago before he and I had ever met. Well a few days later this old friend comes back by herself while I am at work just to say "hi" to my husband. She showed up as he was taking our two girls (6 & 2) to the park so she went along with them hung out for a while and left. Well she came back by the day before V-Day while my oldest daughter was at school and I was at work. SUpposedly, they were just hanging out talking about old times and she lunged at him and started kissing him. (mind you this is all going on while my two year old is asleep in her room!) WHich lead to her giving him brief oral sex, which then led to sex....which he finally (give the guy a cookie ) told her she needed to get off of him, what just went on was a mistake, and she needed to leave (i know this ...because I heard this from her friend that this is what he told her as well as my husband). NOt that I ever think cheating is o.k., but for a while now my husband and I have been having quite a rough time. We were fighting all the time, and could never really please each other no matter what we were doing. Honestly, even though I had never cheated on him and probably could not physically go through with it, I had thought about it in my head many times and I think in a way at that time we were both (at least we thought) somewhat checked out of the relationship. Since I have found out my husband has had no contact with her except the phone call i overheard with her where he told her "to forget his name, what happened was the biggest mistake of his life, he does not even want her to remember she ever knew him...etc...) It has only been a few weeks, but since I found out...my husband has made it clear to me that this one night stand was not my fault....he says that he was being immature thinking that he wanted to be free and have the life that he had before all the stress of marriage, kids and REAL responsibility. He says, that as he was having sex with the OW he thought it was what he wanted, but it wasn't me, it didnt feel right...etc. And that as soon as he had asked her to leave, he was so overwhelmed with guilt & that he was physically ill (he lost 10 pounds that week before he told me). He has taken full responsibility for it and not placed any blame on me, he has been extremely remorseful, and has tried to be the most perfect and pleasing husband possible and let me feel however i need to feel, talk about whateve i need to talk about and I believe he is committed to trying to right his wrong. I know I will never know if he is genuine until he proves it to me over time (If I choose to stay), but I am a pretty smart cookie and am not easily fooled by people's b.s. no matter how badly I would like to believe it sometimes. But he seems really really genuine...and more commited than ever. I love him with all my heart and would ideally like to work things out with him....but it has only been a month and my emotions are so crazy right now...i feel like i cant think straight when it comes to making decisions regarding this! Obviously if he is not as commited as he is trying to make me believe...I know that I will not stay with him. I respect myself more than that. But If I feel like I can really believe that he is committed to this marriage and is willing to work his butt off to help rebuild what we have lost, than I am willing to as well. I am so hurt by this, but at the same time (and this may sound strange) I feel like this may have saved our marriage in a way, because it made us realize that we didnt really want out, we didnt really want anyone else, and we wanted to work on us....not give up. The hardest things for me to deal with right now are one This happened in my home with one of my children home....is that something that I will be able to get past!?.... and two getting the image of my husband with some other woman out of my head! How do you listend to someone tell you they will never be responsible for your hurt again and that they can't breathe without you while you are picturing the OW on top of him!? I need help!? please! If you would like any more info please just ask!
Greggie Posted March 16, 2007 Posted March 16, 2007 You should give your husband credit for admitting his fault and trying his best to right his wrong, so to speak. He deserves to be forgiven and given the chance, even encouraged to move forward. Treat it like it is a horrible past and that now is a different life. If helpful, imagine that he died, you grieved, you met a new person (him in a different persona) and this new thing should be given a chance. Also, if you are into some spiritual stuff, look at it from this level - if God can forgive, who are you not to?
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