Graham668686 Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Hi all, Hopefully I can keep this brief but would go into detail but I'll try not to No its huge sorry lol I would be really grateful if I could have honest opinions good or bad to what you think.. Here goes I'm currently going out with a married girl who I used to work with for a long time. I never really was interested in her at the time as I was with someone and I thought she was happily married and that was the end of it. She left the company to have a child and decided not to come back. I had text before now even when I was with my ex but it was only friendly and I knew i d get quizzed by my ex if she knew. But a year after I split up with my ex I got her number again text her just friendly like and then she came in to see me on the same day. She invited me round for a cup of tea one night and her husband was there but was a nice chat etc but afterwards she said that they hadnt been getting on well at all and hadnt been together since October she told me he had been cheating on her alot and goes out and not really pay s much attention to his kid. She shew her interest in me and we started to text more intimitely I said that I wanted a relationship and she said she wanted a relationship with me. It took a couple of weeks until she finally came to meet me it was only for an hour or so and nothing really happened apart from a friendly kiss before parting. We met up after that round hers for a couple of hours and finally kissed on the sofa and got intimate with each other. Her husband was at work at the time. We text all the time shes constently ringing me up in the evenings until the early hours of the morning and only meet once or twice a week for a night together. She texts me so many nice messages that say she really loves me and that she cant believe I'd be interested in her and promises that she'd never mess me about. If I seem distant she always asks if anythings wrong and then she gets worried that shes gonna lose me etc. She says that she will be leaving her husband soon. By the sounds of it he doesnt treat her well at all even hits her and checks up on her alot. He sleeps in the spare room and she tells me odd things like how many times he wants to see his kid once they do seperate etc. Basically I have set a time limit for them to seperate completely as at this moment in time I'm not getting the relationship I want and am not gonna wait forever. I'm happy with that. What bothers me now is that EVERYTIME I'm with her she constently gets text messages I can see she texts back but she always keeps the phone away from where i can see it and only on a rare occasion tell me who it is. When I ve slept the night with her she has her phone on the floor beside the bed and even sometimes under it and every 20 mins or so she checks it and I see that she receives the text messages as her phone lights up and it is on silent and its the early hours of the morning that is strange too. She does say that her husband checks up on her all the time but she does say sometimes when it is him but not all the time. I notice she goes to check it when i go out of the room to the toilet. I have mentioned that I noticed her getting texts messages she says she only reads them for one and that most of them are from me but when I'm with her why would I be texting her??!! before she has said that she's had this obsessed freak keep texting her all the time and she cant shake him off she d apparently only met him once. Her cousin has text her and bro too. what an essay lol but what do you all think? Suspicious? or she just loves texting people? I've only been going out with her for a couple of months and I'm old enough to walk away it just bugs me not knowing and if I knew what they were I would happily make a decision for me for the best. To think that she could be being dishonest makes my blood boil especially after everything she has said.
norajane Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Her brother and her cousin are not texting her in the middle of the night. She's got something else going on the side, and won't admit it to you. She's probably keeping both of you on the string...who knows which one of you will end up taking care of her after her divorce, if she gets a divorce? This doesn't sound healthy for you, in any case. Get out now before you really start to care. Wait until she gets her divorce and has had some time to deal with the fallout and date other people. THEN she may be ready for an honest relationship. Right now, she's nowhere near being able to give you that.
kimberlyk Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 It sounds to me like you are being 'played' by an unhappily married woman. She is miserable in her relationship and if she were truly in touch with herself she would not have relationships outside of her marriage, she would get out of it, get herself and her child stabilized and then maybe after some time has passed, find someone to share her life with. She seems to be lost...and do not think that you can help her in any way. She will do to you what she is doing to her husband. Who cares what she says her husband does, two wrongs do not make a right no matter how you try to justify it. She is wrong in what she is doing and she is only destroying her own life and unfortunately, her child's life as well. best advice I can give is to stay away and let her fall into someone else's arms, let them deal with her inadequacies.
puddleofmud Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Who knows what she is doing nor why? Best that you no longer worry about it because there is little for you and she is not leaving her marriage, but is actually quite embedded and not, despite the (perhaps false?) "rescue signals", available to be "rescued" by you or any one. And even if this were so; one must rescue oneself and not USE others, unfairly, to do so. Perhaps she is too emotionally immature to understand this--which would may not make her a particularly good partner. Seems when one is so dependent that one may remain so and whenever unhappy tend to use the same emotional vehicle/ pattern ie: "rescue me!" Until someone like this matures the pattern is likely to repeat itself and probably isn't a good place for you to insert yourself. Best of luck to you as I feel you would be better off seeking a more emotionally healthy person.
empty906 Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Graham, I'd be totally offended that she would be so secret about her texting yet be so obsessed with checking her phone every few minutes. Someone very important is texting her, someone she is willing to give priority over focusing on you. If you leave the room and she runs to her phone to text then she has apparently been thinking about this person and waiting for the chance to communicate with them. I agree with the others, you are going to end up getting attached and then really hurt when she is tired of you or you no longer meet her needs and she moves on. She is married and isn't in the process of moving on there, she isn't being honest with you so she isn't preparing to build on that relationship, and she divides her attention to other guys besides you. She may need your attention right now but you don't need hers. Not like that... If you can walk away from her without emotional attachments to deal with I say walk. If you are already emotionally attached then you are going to have a difficult time dealing with the oncoming rejection. Sorry, man.
Outcast777 Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 norajane you are one of the smartest people i have ever heard on these topics in my entire life congrats. You speek much truth. Yes i also fear that you are being cheated on by this girl and should back away, if the divorce happens let her spend some time to sort things out. Then when you know that she is going to have an honest realtionship with you then go for it but don't date a married person, for this leades to many storms that will punch you hard.
MoonGirl Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Your MW's behavior seems typical for a woman in a bad marriage with the exception of all the texting. But I don't really see how she could have the time to manage a marriage and more than one OM...seems impossible to me, but who knows! From what I've seen on LS, most MW don't leave their marriages for OM. I did, but I would have left my husband anyway and I just ended up meeting OM at the wrong time. Things are terribly complicated at the end of a marriage - certainly something you don't want to be involved in if you can help it. Dealing with all of the emotions, disappointment, loss, etc is very taxing. For me, even though my husband was abusive, I still feel a great sense of loss that most people simply could never relate to - especially an OM. It is difficult to balance the feelings of loss and having a new relationship at the same time. It can be done, but I think is rarely successful. You have to be willing to engage yourself in deep emotional turmoil and to do whatever is best for your MW after her separation (if she separates) if you have any hope at all of things working out between you. Your feelings will be completely secondary to hers because she will be going through a lot. From my point of view, your MW will keep you around for emotional support until you decide to have no contact with her. Your affair might even prolong her marriage because you and her husband together are fulfilling most of her needs/desires. Once you choose to have no contact with her, then it will be up to her to make a decision about what she wants. If her marriage really is horrible, she may choose to leave her husband at that point. But don't count on things working out in your favor even if she does leave her husband. I suggest reading RatingsGuy and Oyster's threads...they were both OMs dating a MW.
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