Roarz Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 So for the last few months I met a new girl and we became friends and went out a few times (4-5). On one she even invited me back to her house and we just hung out and such. I'm pretty sure she wanted me to kiss her as she kept looking over at me and staring into my eyes for a few seconds and turn away giggling/smiling. But due to a recent breakup I just wasn't really feeling up to it and wasn't even sure myself at the time if I was attracted to her as more than a friend so I didn't (shyness didn't help either). A few more times after that we went out and she seemed to keep on flirting (some subtle things she said and just the way she looked at me). Then one day she asked me to go to some concert with her and a friend and since I don't really like that kind of stuff I told her I didn't want to go and she seemed upset that I didn't. Ever since then I've tried asking her to go out to different places with me because I decided I'd try and move on from the last girl and try her and at first she would say yes and at the last minute not want to go/not pick up her phone, to the most recent were I asked her to a movie and she said "What movie?" and then 5 minutes later I got a "Oh I just remembered I have something to do that night". Yeah...pretty much a blunt rejection and I've pretty much given up on this girl. I guess I'm writing this to find out insight into her behavior. At first I just treated us two going out as just friends and only recently I made the decision to try and go out with her and start flirting/kissing back but that's when all the rejection started. I guess I just don't understand why she would be interested before when I never gave much back and now that I am she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, even though I haven't changed my behavior at all. Did I just miss the boat with this girl or what?
Topper Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Truth is you very well may have missed the Boat. She could be thinking that when you ask her out she is being set up for more rejection by you. I have an idea that she has given up on you. In her heart seeing you might just be painful becuse she feels you don't have romantic feelings for her. I would not ask her to a movie or concert or anything like that. If you really like this girl I would do some grand gesture like dropping off a large bouquet of flowers at her home. Write a note saying you would really love to talk to her. Now make a date to go to dinner or someplace else that you can talk. When you do meet I would tell her pretty much what you said here in this thread. Be honest and direct, let her know that you do have feeling for her and what was going on with you when you were withdrawing from her. If she still wants to pursue something she will let you know.
Star Gazer Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Truth is you very well may have missed the Boat. She could be thinking that when you ask her out she is being set up for more rejection by you. I have an idea that she has given up on you. In her heart seeing you might just be painful becuse she feels you don't have romantic feelings for her. I would not ask her to a movie or concert or anything like that. If you really like this girl I would do some grand gesture like dropping off a large bouquet of flowers at her home. Write a note saying you would really love to talk to her. Now make a date to go to dinner or someplace else that you can talk. When you do meet I would tell her pretty much what you said here in this thread. Be honest and direct, let her know that you do have feeling for her and what was going on with you when you were withdrawing from her. If she still wants to pursue something she will let you know. I totally agree. I feel as though I'm in that girl's shoes right now...
Author Roarz Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 Yeah but I don't see how she could feel hurt as everything was done as "just friends" or so I thought...I didn't make any passes at her or anything like that and then stop. It was all just friendly from the get go and now it seems like when I make the same friendly gesture she just doesn't want to do it..I didn't ever lead her on so I just don't get why now when I do want to she doesn't. I would try to do all those things but what if she was never even interested in the first place and I just misread everything...would look pretty dumb then. I guess I'm just afraid because she shows 0 interest now, even in just being friends.
Topper Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Ok you said she was putting out signals that you did not pick up on, Right? Well she is feeling like you are not interested in her more then a friend. That can hurt. You did not intend to hurt her but you did. So bea man and if you happen to like this girl make the effort to let her know. Do that or sit here on LS and whine about the one that got away. So what if you miss read her. gee you might be embrarressed. Is that worse then sitting at your computer wondering what to do. I gave you a game plan. If it doesn't work out your out of the cost of some flowers. Even if she does reject you other woman are going to think your a pretty romantic guy for going the extra mile with the flowers and all.
serial muse Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Yeah but I don't see how she could feel hurt as everything was done as "just friends" or so I thought...I didn't make any passes at her or anything like that and then stop. It was all just friendly from the get go and now it seems like when I make the same friendly gesture she just doesn't want to do it..I didn't ever lead her on so I just don't get why now when I do want to she doesn't. I would try to do all those things but what if she was never even interested in the first place and I just misread everything...would look pretty dumb then. I guess I'm just afraid because she shows 0 interest now, even in just being friends. I agree with Topper - basically, you rejected her and she knows it. I know you've said you were just thinking of it as friends, but you clearly knew she wanted more, you just didn't want to go there then. Imagine if the tables were turned, and there was a woman you liked who kept rejecting your advances but kept you in the "friend" zone? You'd get fed up eventually and decide she wasn't worth your time. I think that's what happened here. After a series of rejections, she finally got the message that you weren't really that interested, and decided to give up. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of mystery to it.
kimberlyk Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 I agree with Topper, maybe she just misread you, you need to see if you can get this back on the right track, if she still does not respond to your advances, then you know that maybe she just decided she didn't feel anything for you. Give her a chance as she may have just been confused by your behavior in the beginning, maybe even a little hurt, give her a little nudge...I think the flowers thing is a great idea. You never know until you try...
bridget_jones Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 she made the first mistake by pursuing you. she should have waited for the natural development of the step, of YOU asking HER out. That's simply how it works. She threw you off by actively pursuing first. NO wonder you rejected her and were confused at first, because she threw off the natural balance of things....I would try Topper's suggestion of the flowers, etc. It seems that it might not work, don't feel guilty if you start dating her and right away you don't "feel it." Basically because she started pursuing and appears to be a very aggressive girl and might end up (in fact very probably end up being) needy because she didn't have the confidence in the first place to allow you to ask her out. Don't feel bad about this. She needs a copy of He's Just Not That Into You and/or The Rules. NOt saying to follow them to a T but this is a classic case of what women do to guys when they actively 'go for it.' You don't give the guy a chance to get that feeling developed and that urge to ask you out.
Recommended Posts