Guest Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 hi. i've been dating a man for a few months and we are now exclusive. our incomes are compatible. his is higher. he expects me to split the bill 50/50 (we trade off rather than split the bill @ the table). we do go out a lot, so i would expect to assist. but 50/50? i find this to be unusual. any opinions from those 30+ single people? he also asks me to make reservations, etc. i'm traditional, so i expect the man to take the lead during the initial courting phase of dating. splitting the bill feels like a lack of committment on his part. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 i'm not in my 30's but my bf makes me do the same thing. at least ur imcomes are compatible, ours arent. he makes a lot of money because he is an accoutant, and i'm still in grad school living off a part time job. he expects 50/50 and its very hard. he did this ever since we started dating. he's cheap probably cause he is an accountant. 50/50 is stupid, i think the guy should pay for more than that. itshard because it frustrated sme, but i love my bf so much that i just try to dealwith it. i'd never heard of a guy doing that before meeting him either, i dont know if the reasoning is because they dont want girls mouching off of them or they are just cheap. maybe ur bf doesnt want girls trying to just date him for his money, and thats why he wants u to pay for stuff. just a guess, but believe me i feel ur pain. truth is, if u keep dating him thats what ur going to have to do. i've decided that my bf is worth it, u have to ask urself the same question. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 I'm 43 and I would never EXPECT a woman to pay 50/50 for any meals or entertainment , vacations.. It is real nice when a woman does offer to pay for a meal every now and then but to expect a woman to pay to me is just not being a gentleman. IMO I think he is cheap and it should be an indicator to what life would be like with him.. He isn't 18 and no job.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 maybe ur bf doesnt want girls trying to just date him for his money, It isn't that.... I don't want women to date me for my money either..What guy does ?.. I think you are right to feel that there MIGHT be lack of commitment on his part.. This could very well be a symptom of that if it was coupled with some other flags. Are there other things he does that might lend you to believe her might have a commitment issue ? Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 when you're in a relationship, a guy should be more like Art Critic. A woman can offer to pay, but....i'm sorry, Lauriebel, your bf is not worth all the love and devotion you give him if he's all about 50/50 paying. I'd seriously lose him. Original poster, I wouldn't get too serious with this guy unless his 50/50 policy changes. What a jerk (just like Lauriebel's bf). I can't believe it, he has a full time job making big bucks as an accountant, you are a student and he's still EXPECTING you to pay half of your meals? This guy doesn't love you, i'm sorry, he should be wanting to make you feel like the queen of the world and helping you and treating you and spoiling you while you work hard through grad. school. I can't believe what women will put up with from men nowadays in order to have a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
GodofNietzsche Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 when you're in a relationship, a guy should be more like Art Critic. A woman can offer to pay, but....i'm sorry, Lauriebel, your bf is not worth all the love and devotion you give him if he's all about 50/50 paying. I'd seriously lose him. Original poster, I wouldn't get too serious with this guy unless his 50/50 policy changes. What a jerk (just like Lauriebel's bf). I can't believe it, he has a full time job making big bucks as an accountant, you are a student and he's still EXPECTING you to pay half of your meals? This guy doesn't love you, i'm sorry, he should be wanting to make you feel like the queen of the world and helping you and treating you and spoiling you while you work hard through grad. school. I can't believe what women will put up with from men nowadays in order to have a boyfriend. I know I'm gonna get in trouble by saying this, but when women have this type of attitude about who should pay for what, I laugh at the idea that women want to be treated equally. I think women should be treated equally, but being treated equally doesn't mean you get all of the privelges as men and none of the responsbility. If you want everything, you'll end up with nothing. Men want to be boyfriends (partners in a relationship), not babysitters. The modern feminist author Joyce Gelf once wrote: "If women want social and political equality, they must first achieve economic autonomy." So, if you don't want to be equal to men, your attitude is fine (given relatively equal incomes). Your situation is understandable, given that you are in grad school and have little money. But if you make relatively the same income, then this purely irrational. With my last gf, I paid pretty much for everything (usually dinner or a show once a week, other times we just hung out. I'm in college and have little money). Once, after 5 months of dating, I asked her to help me with a bill and she got seriously pissed and wouldn't talk to me. I wouldn't have minded paying for dinners so much if she actually said thank you afterwards (or just offered to cover the tip or part of the meal). But she almost presented the attitude like she had it coming to her). Little things like can be indictators about how much a person cares for you. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 When I am in a relationship, I do start treating for dinners, movies, etc. Often, in fact, to show I care. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 I'm a broke grad student; it impacts my dating life. I need to split 50/50. Sorry. That is how it has to be. Now, I hate splitting it on the date, I'd rather the girl I'm dating get me next time. I don't keep track of the dollar value, mainly the effort. I'm not going to change much when I have more money. Perhaps with an official gf, every other weekend I'll do something really special and datelike for her, but for casual things during the week, 50/50. It will probably take me a couple years to be willing to spend more on women after dating as a graduate student; I've been rejected before getting a date because I don't make enough money. A woman is going to date me for me BEFORE I start spending on her. Link to post Share on other sites
clueless24 Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 i am the kind of girl that would pick up the check for the next dinner VOLUNTARILY if my bf pays for the previous one. i try to make it as even as possible and would even pick up his phone bills or buy accessories and clothings for him when he needs it. i do not expect the man to pay for everything and do actually like it when i can help him. however, i DO NOTagree that the guy should come out straight and tell me that i need to split 50/50, i find that to be such a CHEAP gesture from a guy. i agree with oppath, it's the effort that counts and not the amount. Link to post Share on other sites
jusified Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 well agreed with clueless. I would not ask for bills to be split 50/50, but rather the girl offer to help/pay things thats at least some what fair. My last girlfriend earned nearly double my money but I still offered to pay alot of things, she was kind of cheap on me. This reflected amongst other things how little she cared about me. To the thread starter, Yes I understand it is not very nice for a guy to force you to go 50/50. But it is also wrong to have an attitude that expects guys to pay for everything and not have any regards/care about his financial well being. Maybe you just don't care about him that much, would you be with him if he was poor and couldn't take you out to anywhere nice?? I'm sure all the ladies (as am I) here is disgusted if someone said a girl should have S*x whenever the man wishes. But that type of thinking to me is along the same line as "the guy have to pay for everything". Link to post Share on other sites
SurpriseSurprise Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 50/50 is not romatic it is just eating with a coworker. I think if he was interested in it being more like a date he should do the plans, make the arangements and pay for the meal. I think if the woman cared she would do the same. Part of dating is sharing what is important to you with someone you want to get to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Hitman10000 Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 I like the idea of "I pay for this meal, you pay for next" and it can either be less or more than previous amount. While this is kinda close to 50/50 it's a lot more satisfying than counting the pennies or slicing a bill in half. I do not believe that a guy should pay constantly everything. That's f*cked up, if he spends all the money on the girl, and he doesn't spend anymoney how can he take care of himself? Some of you ladies, step up. Gas is expensive nowadays, shut up and put some effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Pretty Fly Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 If I'm going out to dinner with a girl, it's usually 1 I've been seeing for a while. If it was someone I'd just met, I'd suggest we just meet for drinks, as I don't want to be spending my hard-earned cash on somebody who turns out to be not very nice. When I do go for a meal, I tend to pay, as it's just "smoother". But I would expect some contribution at some other time, otherwise I'd suspect I was being taken for a ride. I usually find that if I go out to dinner with a girl and I pay, if we then go on to do something else, eg go for a drink, they usually insist that they treat me, which I'm happy with. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 Hate to throw this out again, but what if the roles were reversed and the girl made significantly more money than the guy? How would the rules of convention apply then? Should the guy still be expected to pay for most things? Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 well with my BF we made the same amount, a crappy amount. And for the first month or so he treated than after that we would take turns paying. Neither of us had a lot of money nd it seemed unfair to expect him to pay 100% all the time. We live together now and split the bills 50/50 but he makes more money than I do so most of the time if we go out he'll treat and once in a while I treat him. But I make less and have more personal bills. That being said the first three dates I would expect to be treated but I would offer to pay the tip. Link to post Share on other sites
TheSwordfish Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 Some women here are eager to pay sometimes. they want to pay the bill, to show that they are not just into money. I offer to pay... but some insist on paying. I don't care. I'm someone who doesn't mind paying so the bill will get paid annyway. Some girls just seem to feel the need to pay, because if they jump on me later that night it feels better if they have paid the bill. Well, uhm... The one inviting pays. The 50/50 thing is utter bull****. If I ask her out, I pay. If it's visa versa, I offer to pay. Even with freinds I don't make a fuzz about bills when going out. Especially strong, educated, woman, like showing men they can take care of themselfs though. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 Especially strong, educated, woman, like showing men they can take care of themselfs though. If they can take care of themselves why do they want a man? Is it cause they really are not independent? Link to post Share on other sites
TheSwordfish Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 haha, that is not what I am saying. More a matter of showing that they aren't for sale. Link to post Share on other sites
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