Ssheena Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 My x finally decided on his own that we aren't "compatible" and we are done. I'm relieved and actually glad as it just wasn't working out. I wish I had been able to break up and stay broken up with him over a year ago but I kept holding on. The slap comes from the fact that he sent back everything I ever gave him. He sent back birthday presents, Xmas presents, everything. That hurt. I don't understand why he would do that. I gave those things to him because I loved him and wanted him to have them. Just pisses me off that he can be so, what I see as, immature. It feels like he just wants to erase the entire year and a half. Kinda of a rant.
stockmos Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 If it's a rant, I think it's a very reasonable one. I agree that that was a very immature thing to do. Isn't it better to cherish the past and the good times had? I still have on my desk a present my x gave me about 10 years ago; we split up eight years ago and it is just there as a nice thing to have, nothing more.
bubbalump Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 i dont think its immature....he doesnt want the stuff.
oppath Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Getting rid of the stuff isn't immature...giving it back to her is! Goodwill my friend, goodwill. I was tempted to send back my Christmas gifts since my ex broke up with me 1 week after giving them to me. She knew she was going to dump me but was waiting until after the holidays. I was pretty hurt by it, because in my mind she didn't deserve a gift from me if her love wasn't there. Our birthdays were 5 days apart and I took her out for hers before I left for Christmas to visit family, I guess I feel she should have given my gifts, broken up with me, and not accepted mine! I would have given them back to her when she dumped me had I not been in shock! As it is, I'm keeping them, but hiding them away for a while In the end, they'll just be nice things I have. Now, more sentimental gifts, such as a picture she drew, a scarf she knit...those were thrown in the trash the night she dumped me! Try not to be hurt by what your ex did. He is in pain too, trying to heal and move on. In his mind, he is doing what he feels is right. I doubt he is trying to make you feel bad on a conscious level. What he should do is give the gifts away, not give them back to you, unless it was a situation like mine, where gifts were exchanged just before you two broke up. Don't be too hurt over it. Maybe what you could do is give the gifts to goodwill, that way you turn something positive out of a negative and feel good about it!
silentcharon Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Well, I gave everything back to my ex too. I wasn't doing it to hurt him- in my mind, it was a way for me to move on, it was an act to show myself that I was moving on. My way of thinking was that if I could go through with giving him everything back, I was certainly ready to move on. If that makes any sense!
numsey Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 I'm keeping the stuff my ex gave me, I just don't use/wear it unless I have to. She gave me a chain and charm for Christmas so I just removed the charm and replaced it with one I already had. The stuffed animal she gave me for Val. day is still in my cars back window. I did however give her back the engagement ring though. Really didn't want to accidently come across a ring that said "I Love You Always and Forever" sometime in the future. Or even worse, have a future g/f find it. Can just imagine the arguement that would come from that.
Author Ssheena Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 I can see that for some it would be necessary to give the gifts back and I can understand it it is his way of dealing with things but to me it feels like he just wants to wipe the entire over a year and a half out of his memory and it hurts me to think that he doesn't want to keep any of the gifts I gave him. He could have given them away if he didn't want them, he for sure didn't have to send them to me or give them back to me. I personally think he did it to hurt me. We are talking things that range from a $700 camera to a diamond stud to a beer glass and I t-shirt I got for free from a store and gave him. All of it came back. This is how he ended it... He told me that he felt like I didn't respect him and that I was making him feel stupid. Then he asked me what I thought about what all he had said. I replied I would be more aware of what I was saying. Then he asked me if I really understood how he felt at which point I said, no I guess I don't. Then he said then we are done, patted me on the shoulder, said good luck and walked out of my house. He flight back home left the next day. No calls, no discussion - nada. "I've decided we aren't compatible"..ok.. fine. I've decided he is a F*ed up jerk with serious issues. So to me, sending me back all the presents I gave him, is a way of hurting me. I would have preferred that he had given them away if he didn't want them.
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