Sassy Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 A friend of mine just called me and told me that she thinks it might be over between her and her h. I asked her what happened she said that her h told her he was practicing for their gig but somewhere else. She said this was odd because the bandroom was at the singer's house. They were supposedly practicing at the guitarist sister house instead. Well she called one of the wives of the band member and she told her everything that she just found out as well! The band member walked in at 11:30pm cause the cops broke up the party. He didn't walk in the door till 1:30 am . So they was playing a party and he never told his wife. She was furious then they got into it and he told her he liked having fun. His band members drink all the time and smoke pot . They have kids and she doesn't feel the need to do it all the time. He likes partying now cause it is fun and he is almost 34. She is 35 and they have two 10 and 11. He use to be in my SO band but was never like that. Of he drank with my SO's band but not like this. He is drinking liquor. I have hung out with his band members cause we are all friends but they make me feel out of place cause I don't drink and never smoked pot. They get so high they can't function . My question is his statement he made. He told her he wasn't going to counseling cause they don't help. I like them as people but i can't hang out with them like that. Just not my cup of tea. She has noticed since he is back in their band he has changed significantly. He told her the only thing they have in common is their two kids. He told her in so many words that she was no fun. She pays the bills and is very responsible . She takes care of the kids. He sits on the computer talking with the band members in myspace. She tells me something is up. My SO and I went to one of their gigs and she introduced me to this girl that is friends with them. She says he follows this girl around like a puppy dog. She asked him about it and he said she was being paranoid. She recently broke up with her man she been with for a while and has a kid by. She has also been married before. She isn't from here. My first impression of her was trash! She was blonde and big boobed. I was told she was hot. I didn't see it. I told my friend to watch her cause I didn't trust her at all and she shouldn't especially the things they send back and forth on myspace not appropriate at all! She hardly even known her enough to trust. My friend is a good person and changed for her man now seems she changed and he stayed the same. She said he was cold and heartless lately. What do you make of this? I do know from expierence of being in my SO band he does tend to be a follower. So maybe he is trying to fit in with his band members they are all in their twenties . I noticed he don't have much to do with us anymore . They don't come over like they use to since he went back to the other band. I am like her I could care less for all that partying I get high on life and that is enough for me. She will go out and drink every once and awhile but not every night of the week and weekend. What is your take on it? I think he is either talking with someone or cheated already. He has cheated with a girl on the computer before but not in a sexually way.
JackJack Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Well first off, I don't mean any disrespect sassy, but I had a little bit of a hard time following your post. Perhaps it is just me. Anyway, hard to say what is going on for sure, only this guy really knows what it is he is or is not doing. If he cheated beofre, then she probably has a hard time trusting him, but it does sound as if he is keeping things from her somewhat. It could be that he wants to fit in with this band, but I doubt that is why is doing whatever he is doing. I would imgaine it stems from something going on at home withon the marriage, but not sure. I would just be her friend, but keep your distance. Don't get overly involved in their situation, because it doesn't sound to healthy. Only your friend knows for sure what she needs to do.
Author Sassy Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 Well first off, I don't mean any disrespect sassy, but I had a little bit of a hard time following your post. Perhaps it is just me. Anyway, hard to say what is going on for sure, only this guy really knows what it is he is or is not doing. If he cheated beofre, then she probably has a hard time trusting him, but it does sound as if he is keeping things from her somewhat. It could be that he wants to fit in with this band, but I doubt that is why is doing whatever he is doing. I would imgaine it stems from something going on at home withon the marriage, but not sure. I would just be her friend, but keep your distance. Don't get overly involved in their situation, because it doesn't sound to healthy. Only your friend knows for sure what she needs to do. Sorry I was trying to tell the situation. I was wanting some opinions. No it doesn't sound healthy. Sorry if i told too much! I should have separated the paragraphs didn't realise it was that long.
JackJack Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Sorry I was trying to tell the situation. I was wanting some opinions. No it doesn't sound healthy. Sorry if i told too much! I should have separated the paragraphs didn't realise it was that long. Its ok, its not a problem. It is not that you told to much, just hard to read all in one big lump, well it is for me anyway. You thought this woman that had big boobs and was blonde, was trashy? My fiance is blonde with kind of big boobs. I hope she is not trashy. LOL
Author Sassy Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 Its ok, its not a problem. It is not that you told to much, just hard to read all in one big lump, well it is for me anyway. You thought this woman that had big boobs and was blonde, was trashy? My fiance is blonde with kind of big boobs. I hope she is not trashy. LOL I am not saying that is why!! You read into that too much.Besides I am blonde and have big boobs and I am not trashy!! That is funny.
PracticalShade Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 hmmm... what I tend to like to do is look directly at the facts, regardless of the motives, then work from there. ultimately, his actions indicate that his marriage is not his top focus. Humans are creatures of will power. The things they really want they'll make effort/time for. Rather or not he is cheating would require looking into it a bit more but either way there is something about the homelife that he finds unfulfilling. I dunno... maybe she should sit down with him and start from there?
JackJack Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 I am not saying that is why!! You read into that too much.Besides I am blonde and have big boobs and I am not trashy!! That is funny. Your statement was....... "My first impression of her was trash! She was blonde and big boobed." You're right, I must have read to much into that. Have you ever read to much into something someone said but they meant something different? Anyway that is beside the point really. But it sounds like reguardless of what she looked like, HE was the one following her around.
a4a Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Your statement was....... "My first impression of her was trash! She was blonde and big boobed." You're right, I must have read to much into that. Have you ever read to much into something someone said but they meant something different? Anyway that is beside the point really. But it sounds like reguardless of what she looked like, HE was the one following her around. Jack you make a great point...... it was him following her around. I can only imagine how many women call me trashy too when their SO's give me attention.... I have no desire for it. Sounds like the focus needs to be put on this guy not the BB chicklette. Your friend needs to ignore the BB chick and focus on why her H is such a shat.
EnigmasMuse Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Hmmmm? hard not to be judgemental of first impressions I guess. But, with that aside, your friends, H doesn't sound like he has his priorities straight as far as his marriage goes. Since he says he wont go to counseling either means, he is in denial there is even a problem OR he simply doesn't care. If your friend suggest counseling, and he still wont go, she could always go. Give her someone from a neutral point of view's perspective. If after your friend has tried everything and her husband still displays this kind of behavior, then it might be time for HER to make a choice. Staying for the kids will usually back fire at some point I would think.
Author Sassy Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 Hmmmm? hard not to be judgemental of first impressions I guess. But, with that aside, your friends, H doesn't sound like he has his priorities straight as far as his marriage goes. Since he says he wont go to counseling either means, he is in denial there is even a problem OR he simply doesn't care. If your friend suggest counseling, and he still wont go, she could always go. Give her someone from a neutral point of view's perspective. If after your friend has tried everything and her husband still displays this kind of behavior, then it might be time for HER to make a choice. Staying for the kids will usually back fire at some point I would think. He said "Friends at his work went and it didn't work for them". I know for a fact that if you go to counseling you two together have to give the effort in order to make it work. The counselor is just there to help you sort the problems through and get to the root of it all. She told him she has worked on herself now it was time for him to work on himself. She changed he didn't. I was once told you can change but you have to grow with change to make a marriage work otherwise it won't.
JackJack Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 She changed he didn't. Sometimes it takes some people longer to change or to get the message they should. But of course, they have to want to first. Him not changing could be a sign, that its not something he is wanting/ready to do. It is now up to her, as to what she feels she is willing to put up with. If she has had it, because he is not changed, then she might need to move on.
EnigmasMuse Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 She changed he didn't. Sometimes it takes some people longer to change or to get the message they should. But of course, they have to want to first. Him not changing could be a sign, that its not something he is wanting/ready to do. It is now up to her, as to what she feels she is willing to put up with. If she has had it, because he is not changed, then she might need to move on. I agree. It might depend on too, how long it has been since she "changed"and how long she has wanted him to "change" his ways too. For example; if his behavior was something that just recently started over the past few weeks, months or even a year or so, then it might take some time for him to want to change. But if he has displayed this kind of behavior before, for a long long time, then it might be safe to say he is not up for changing and probably wont. I'm not saying he wont or can't, but after years and years of the same kinds of behavior, one has to wonder if he will change. Alot of times people will change, one because they want too, and two if they feel them changing will make a difference, depending on what is going on in there life. So part of it might be he feels it wont matter if he does or not.
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