sunmoon Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Hello: I just wanted to say that the MM I have been dating for 11 months finally told his wife last month and is seperated. He lives with me now. He has 2 children as well. It's not an easy road in the beginning with all the work that goes into divorce but he's doing it. His wife is actually quite happy as the 2 of them are much happier now.... Me and him spoke alot of this before he decided to do it...But it was going on a year and that was my limit ,,,he knew this... Ladies/Gentlemen........Don't let it go that long without something giving....Something's gotta give but YOU have to be the one to do something about it, because if you don't, you will always be the OW/OM. Peace
Curmudgeon Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Be careful what you wish for. The best predictor of future behavior is past actions. Now that he's opted to be with you, keep an eye out for his next OW. The secrecy of an affair can make it exciting. The reality of a truly shared life, bills to pay, being together often, sharing space 24/7, learning to put up with one anothers' bad habits and differences, the comparitive humdrum of sex without risk, etc. can easily turn that greener grass into a very dull hue of brown! But it was going on a year and that was my limit A "forced" commitment may come to be resented in time and possibly is not sound from the outset.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Will he be getting his own place or is this a permanent situation? Looks like you are making it too easy for him to make this jump out of his marriage. He has someone to cook, clean, help with the kids, and meet his other needs as well as a (free?) place to lay his head. What are you getting out of this situation? Seems like you're jumping right into "wife mode" and this guy doesn't sound like the type that holds that position in esteem.
MoonGirl Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Good luck. I think that affairs are pretty common...and if the MW/MM hasn't been a serial cheater, it is possible he/she won't cheat again. But I do think it's a bit strange that he moved right in with you. You are making it too easy for him!
Izzar Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 SunMoon, Best of luck to you & your man. I was in the same position, sort of, He left his wife, moved in with me & he is divorced now. We've been living together for 5 years now. Never been better. It can & does work out!!!! I'm proof. Good for you & love & happiness always to you & your s/o.
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 But I do think it's a bit strange that he moved right in with you Yup me too. I don't understand how someone could have a real healthy relationship so quickly. End a marriage, move out and move in with someone else. There's no time in between to deal with the loss of the marriage, deal with all the things that divorcing couples go through... Take it slowly.
Freedom Now Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 I agree with taking things slow. But in my experience, when I left my marriage, I did all of the grieving WITHIN the marriage. Hence, when I left, the grieving was over. Still, I think he should spend some time on his own and you two should "date." Freedom fuels the fire of romance and love, I believe.
Salicious Crumb Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 God this makes me sick...a man cheats on his wife...and his kids...leaves the marriage to be with his new found sex....and this is a beautiful thing?
Author sunmoon Posted March 14, 2007 Author Posted March 14, 2007 Hi...well its not that easy...he would like to get his own place very soon yes, we both agreed that that is really best, however he cant afford that right this moment. Problaby within the next few months he will get a place for him and his kids. So no I'm not counting my chickens, don't worry "negative posters" I'm not whistlng dixie. all I was saying is that there is hope. AND I did not give him an ultimatum,,,I never came out and said,,,"it's been almost a year"...It was an understanding between the 2 of us....If it will make the people who posted negative feedback happy,,,uh...his wife is not innocent (not making it great either) but u get the picture. Salicious Crumb or scum or whatever you are,,,,your posts are all so horriable. I feel very sorry for your negative attitude all the time,,,,shame. anyway,,,I'm playing it by ear. Yes he will eventually get his own place. He comes gome from work goes home to his kids, then comes back to me at night. His wife doesnt want him there. OK? thanks for those of you with positive feedback. The post was meant to give hope.
4whatItsWorth Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 The post was meant to give hope. I think SC was cheated on. (If I've understood things correctly.) Myself, my mom was the OW and then became the BS. So, yeah, I need no further "proof" or "hope" that OWs can become Ws or whatever. But I'll give you the same warning I've given before - the OW gets cheated on. It could happen to you too. N/m us who have been involved in "cheated on", we just view "hope" a little different than OWs do...
Salicious Crumb Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 Hi...well its not that easy...he would like to get his own place very soon yes, we both agreed that that is really best, however he cant afford that right this moment. Problaby within the next few months he will get a place for him and his kids. So no I'm not counting my chickens, don't worry "negative posters" I'm not whistlng dixie. all I was saying is that there is hope. AND I did not give him an ultimatum,,,I never came out and said,,,"it's been almost a year"...It was an understanding between the 2 of us....If it will make the people who posted negative feedback happy,,,uh...his wife is not innocent (not making it great either) but u get the picture. Salicious Crumb or scum or whatever you are,,,,your posts are all so horriable. I feel very sorry for your negative attitude all the time,,,,shame. I'm really trying to have a positive attitude despite the fact that there are people like you in the world.
pricillia Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 God this makes me sick...a man cheats on his wife...and his kids...leaves the marriage to be with his new found sex....and this is a beautiful thing? sometimes yes and sometimes no... Sometimes relationships do not work out, then what should one do in that instance? I am talking married and unmarried, almost always there is someone that gets hurt in the relationship.
sadbuttrue Posted March 14, 2007 Posted March 14, 2007 i think anytime someone finds love with someone else, it is a beautiful experience. sunmoon, i hope things work out for the two of you.
pricillia Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 i think anytime someone finds love with someone else, it is a beautiful experience. sunmoon, i hope things work out for the two of you. I sometimes think and feel that love is a ongoing experience that needs to be worked on and nurtured... So to say that you find love with another is superficial sometimes...
Babybird Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Congrats and good luck Sunmoon. Hope things work out for you. The thing that amazes me is that because this is a sight for people in A certain posters forget that it doesn't matter if you're married, engaged, or single, people will cheat, people will get hurt and the biggest thing is relationships will and do end. It doesn't matter if you are completely faithful or not. Because someone is having an A doesn't make them a bad person. It doesn't mean they're immoral but that they have different beliefs. People grow and change and the M doesn't always do the same. They need and want different things and that doesn't mean just sex. Granted, sex doesn't hurt but there can be so much more than that.
pricillia Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Congrats and good luck Sunmoon. Hope things work out for you. The thing that amazes me is that because this is a sight for people in A certain posters forget that it doesn't matter if you're married, engaged, or single, people will cheat, people will get hurt and the biggest thing is relationships will and do end. It doesn't matter if you are completely faithful or not. Because someone is having an A doesn't make them a bad person. It doesn't mean they're immoral but that they have different beliefs. People grow and change and the M doesn't always do the same. They need and want different things and that doesn't mean just sex. Granted, sex doesn't hurt but there can be so much more than that. Yes BB but don't you want a relationship that will grow and evolve, not dissipate into seperation
vanilla chai Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I'm really trying to have a positive attitude despite the fact that there are people like you in the world. ITA!! The sad part is alot of this mess could be avoided if people were honest in the first place. Im sure I will hear the old didn't want to hurt wife/hubby,yet went out and had an affair thus made matters worse. I really can't understand why people won't finish relationships before starting a new one. If a person can start another relationship so easily while in another,why can't they be honest and end it.
pricillia Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 ITA!! The sad part is alot of this mess could be avoided if people were honest in the first place. Im sure I will hear the old didn't want to hurt wife/hubby,yet went out and had an affair thus made matters worse. I really can't understand why people won't finish relationships before starting a new one. If a person can start another relationship so easily while in another,why can't they be honest and end it. In reguards to this I think that sometimes people get into relationships that either are not healthy or are not meant to be ( if there is still such a thing) and they don't know how to get out of said relationship because there are feelings involved and then they may meet someone that they are more compatiable with phyically emotionally and the other relationship starts to end. I am not saying that people handle it the right way all of the time, but not everyone is ready for a committed relationship and that could be part of the problems. wow just a side note: the more I type the more mistakes I seem to make.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 sometimes yes and sometimes no... Sometimes relationships do not work out, then what should one do in that instance? I am talking married and unmarried, almost always there is someone that gets hurt in the relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah, disolve the convenant, blame the victim, same song second verse. As long as its you that's getting hurt, it is NO bother to me. But let the MM treat the OW unfairly and they wail, can you believe he LIED to me. Can you believe he would treat ME so unfairly?! Well... if it makes him happy then whats the problem??? It's completely conceivable that the means justify the end when it behooves the OW.
Freedom Now Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 sometimes yes and sometimes no... Sometimes relationships do not work out, then what should one do in that instance? I am talking married and unmarried, almost always there is someone that gets hurt in the relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah, disolve the convenent, blame the victim, same song second verse. As long as its you that's getting hurt, it is NO bother to me. But let the MM treat the OW unfairly and they wail, can you believe he LIED to me. Can you believe he would treat ME so unfairly?! Well... if it makes him happy then whats the problem??? It's completely conceivable that the means justify the end when it behooves the OW. Sweeping generalization....
pricillia Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 sometimes yes and sometimes no... Sometimes relationships do not work out, then what should one do in that instance? I am talking married and unmarried, almost always there is someone that gets hurt in the relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah, disolve the convenent, blame the victim, same song second verse. As long as its you that's getting hurt, it is NO bother to me. But let the MM treat the OW unfairly and they wail, can you believe he LIED to me. Can you believe he would treat ME so unfairly?! Well... if it makes him happy then whats the problem??? It's completely conceivable that the means justify the end when it behooves the OW. Oh be quiet... I did say married and unmarried did I not? I don't even know what you are talking about in reguard to any victims???
Curmudgeon Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I sometimes think and feel that love is a ongoing experience that needs to be worked on and nurtured. No "sometimes" about it. I learned that lesson when the cheating ex left me. As a result I romance my wife daily, just in little ways, but ways that tell her she matters, she's loved and cherished and I value her. It makes all the difference in the world!
pricillia Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I sometimes think and feel that love is a ongoing experience that needs to be worked on and nurtured. No "sometimes" about it. I learned that lesson when the cheating ex left me. As a result I romance my wife daily, just in little ways, but ways that tell her she matters, she's loved and cherished and I value her. It makes all the difference in the world! No your right there is no Sometimes about it... it really is a commitement and a wanting to please that signifigant other, in a way that is endearing but real to. I mean there is good and bad (without being extreme) Sometimes I see couples and I think oh... they are so good together... and then sometimes there are couples and either the man is such a jerk or the woman is a naggy nag... and I feel embarrased for the guy. who knows I just got off topic... just all these thoughts running through my head.
dropdeadlegs Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 Whether married or not, I think of these types as "overlappers." They cannot end one relationship unless they have another in the wings. These are the kind of people that cannot fathom being alone, which is such an enriching experience from what I have learned. I am not an overlapper, but I haven't experienced the "alone" enrichment, either. I believe that if I am alone again that I can do this as I have been enriching my "aloneness" through reading while in a good relationship. I hope I never need those skills, but I also hoped to never be divorced or estranged (as i am not married.) I am prepared for the worst, nonetheless.
Freedom Now Posted March 15, 2007 Posted March 15, 2007 I can personally attest that being alone is a true growing experience. I cannot explain how much growth occurs when one just sits and enjoys the joys of singledom. At first, it is uncomfortable, but after awhile, there is so much peace, so much introspection, so much growth, it makes it all worthwhile. I believe that when you are okay being alone, THAT's when you are okay being with someone else. IMHO.
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